Launching Planets

Today I dropped my youngest child off to take her SAT tests.

You'd think that after having gone through this two other times, having a child in her mid 20's and out of college, and another that's almost 20 and halfway through college, I'd be a pro at this whole letting them go thing.  Truth be told, it was pretty easy with the first two... not that I wanted to let them go, but I guess there was a bit of knowing that I still had time before they were all gone.  But today, when I dropped off my baby for the test, I actually welled up.

Now I'm not saying that I will be totally lost in my empty nesting years.  I will miss having my house filled with the giggly laughter, the excitement of boyfriends and dances and girl time, and yes even the hormonal tension and fighting that happens when the three teen girls and their mother occupy the same space. But I am looking forward to knowing and growing me, and knowing and growing my husband and I as a couple again.

As much as I know there is before me, I will miss what is in the chapter behind me. Motherhood (as is fatherhood) was a time of me growing, teaching and guiding my children into being productive, independent and contributing members of society.  That was my job  - to parent them and to let them go into the world. It is an awesome responsibility, but also an awesome privilege and time of learning for me.

It's funny, how when we are awaiting their arrival into the world, they are our sun. We are like a planet that's orbit - our time, space, effort, and life revolve around the day the sun born. Then the moment they are born, we become one as they depend on every thing from us, and us from them.  Slowly they gain independence and start breaking away, often in fiery fashion, like the solar flares and explosions. As time moves forward and we do our job, the separation process cools down. We equip them to be whole and complete in the world, able to sustain life, support living, and be abundant.  And when the planet is complete, we become more like the moon, being a shining spot bringing them light, but letting them find a new sun to shine on them.

As I was driving away and welling up, I felt the honor, the privilege, the learning experience, and the joy it is to have raised my babies.  I am not perfect in my job as parent.  No one is. But I have done a pretty good job at bringing up three independent, self sufficient, and good people - planets... I realized that my job as parent, was launching planets.

Easy Coffee Can Dye Shirt

Easy Coffee Can Dye Shirt

Here is a fun and easy patriotic crafting project just in time for the 4th of July! With a few supplies and a few bits of time, you can create unique and fun designs to put some sparkle into your summer.

Here’s what you’ll need:

White cotton or cotton-blend tank
Red and Blue liquid dye
A coffee can
Rubber band
White acrylic paint
Fabric medium
Crystal or crystal look embellishments.



Here’s how you do it:

1.Wet the shirt and wring it out. Lay it flat and begin folding the shirt into a long rectangle, keeping in mind that the parts of the shirt that will take the most color on are the parts closest to the dye. Roll the rectangle into a log that narrow enough to fit into the coffee can with about an inch of room all the way around. Secure with a rubber band in the center of the log.

2.Mix the lighter (red) dye according to the package directions and fill the can about half way- keeping in mind the height of your rolled shirt. (The dye should reach up to about half of the height of the log when it is in the dye.)

3.Stand the log on end in the coffee can. The dye should reach about halfway up the shirt. Let it sit for about an hour. Go grab a cup of coffee, run an errand, catch up on your great summer read.

4.Carefully remove the shirt from the dye. Leaving the shirt rolled, run the log under hot water, letting the water run from the top of the un-dyed end through the bottom of the dyed end. Continue until the water runs pretty clear. Squeeze any excess water out and repeat steps 2-4 with the  darker (blue) dye.

5.Unrole the shirt and rinse in hot soapy water until water runs clear. Let it dry.  

6. Mix 2 parts white acrylic pain with 1 part fabric medium.

7. Lie shirt flat with a barrier layer between the front and back of the shirt. Stencil on stars in desired pattern.

8. Embellish tips of stars with crystals if desired. Enjoy!!

Tips: 

 
ALWAYS handwash this project separately. It may bleed to other fabrics if washed together.

The tighter the shirt is rolled, the lighter the interior of the roll will be. Looser it is rolled, the more colorful the interior. 

You may want to wear plastic gloves while doing this project. Dye may stain your hands.

The ToolBox - Fill the Box Now, Be Their Friend Later

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” 

― Anne Frank

I would love it if I could give my kids everything they wanted...

But I can't. 

Even if I could, I wouldn't. My conscience, my judgement, my heart, and my parental responsibility would not let me. 

I would love to be my children's best friend...

But I can't.

Even if I could, I wouldn't. That is not my role. At least it's not my role while they are minor children, under my care, still maturing and growing to adulthood.  I guess I could have taken the role of friend instead of parent, but my conscience, my judgment, my heart, and my parental responsibility would not let me. 

I would have loved to make every path clear, every job easy, every relationship without trouble, every class fun, every game winnable, every action rewardable.... 

But I can't.

Even if I could, I wouldn't.  That may have been in some way possible, but not at all realistic or representative of what life is.  I could shelter them, fight every battle, and make their existence nothing but easy and fun, but my conscience, my judgment, my heart, and my parental responsibility would not let me. 

In the short term, eliminating any wants or obstacles in your children's lives may seem like an expression of love and caring.  It may seem to you that it is a way of taking care of and protecting them.  To make a path easy for them gets them further along the road.  Giving them what they want fulfills their desires for things.  Being a friend instead of holding then accountable and towing the line might feel like it's creating connection.  

The truth: That is the easy road for you. It also creates a tougher road for them when they are out in the world. 

Your job, my job, our job is to be parents and to ready them for the world.  A parent's job is to fill their child's toolbox with the tools they will need to be in it successfully. 

As a grown-up you know that the world is nothing like living at mom and dad's house with them taking care of the necessities of life.  It can be a great place, but it is not always an easy place.  It takes hard work, tenacity, willingness to stretch yourself, understanding and ability to cope with failures along with the successes, and knowing that things don't always go the way you want them to.  You have to problem solve, get along with people you don't always like, sometimes work in situations that are less than what you would like them to be, and earn your successes.  

As parent, it is your job to balance your care and protection with preparing your children for the world- a world that is not going to coddle them.  To do that, they need a toolbox stocked with the tools that will help them build a life in a world that looks very different from mom and dad's house. 

The world will hold them accountable and responsible for their actions. Give them this tool by holding them accountable and responsible for their actions and words. 

The world will not reward them for simply stepping into it.  They will fail at things in life as adults.  Prepare them with the tools for it by letting them fail at things sometimes. It is hard not to save them from it when you can, but the short term benefit of a better feeling in the moment becomes a long term obstacle when they don't know how to accept, learn from, and recover from it in the world. 

The world will not give the everything they want. Just like the rest of us, there will be some things that they get, some things they will have to work for, and some things that just never may come. Give them the tool of having joy with what's in front of them, and the ability to find happiness even when they don't have their every wish fulfilled. Don't grant every "want".  Give them everything they need, and some of what they want - but not everything. Give them the tool of knowing the difference between a need and a want by understanding the difference yourself. 

They will need to learn empathy, sympathy, the ability to feel joy and sadness, how to live a healthy lifestyle, and understanding of money and responsible use of it, self respect, respect for others, determination, tenacity, will, drive, how to rest, how to love... the list of tools goes on and on.  It is parent responsibility to send them into the world with a full tool box. 

It's not an easy job, but you are the best and most influential person for the job. When you are weary and feeling like the "bad guy", just recite this to yourself: Today I know that Parenting is a tiring job but a worthy one. Our duty is to give them the tools they need to be in the world. It is their job to open the tool box and use them.

Be their parent now.  Your reward of being their friend will come. 

Confession of a Human Mom - I Am Not A Saint!

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are not longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. ~Jessica Lange

Sounds quite idealistic... doesn't it. 

Mommy or Me - Selflessness or Selfishness? 

When I became a new mom and the ripe old age of 20, again at 24, and again at 27,  each one of my children became the beacon of my life.  My world revolved around providing a home, a life, and an existence for them. I was (and still am) passionate about them, dedicated to helping them grow, responsible for providing them stability, and accountable for giving them the tools that they would need to be productive and contributing members of society.  I gave my all to them, for many, many years.  I was able to stay at home- we had reasonable financial stability, and my husband fully supported my desire to be an at home mom.  My life, my existence, my passion, my interest, my career, my vocabulary, my interaction, my effort, my energy, my everything all flowed to one glowing ball of light.... my children. It was the natural state of "motherhood".  The job of motherhood.

I must confess - it was not the natural state of my humanness.

Don't get me wrong - I loved that I was able to be in that place.  I would not trade a single second of any of it. I am honored to be able to call myself Mom to three amazing women. In the ideal days of mommyhood, I played the role well.  I played it with heart.  I played and lived it with every fiber of my being.  I was happy in that.  I had focus, I had purpose, and I had an audience - three little children who needed me every second of every day. If moms could get Oscars - I think I would have been at least in the running for it. I was in the role, but I  WAS the role. 

 But I am not going to lie. As the kids started to grow a bit, I tried to keep the script and the ideal the same. But there came a point that I just wasn't driven or fed. Instead of joy with moments of work, it became work with moments of joy.  My energy began to run low.  My tank was empty. My kids were still the center of my universe, but my revolution around them began to grow weary.  I became unhappy, lonely and empty. 

I lost myself. I questioned myself. I made these realizations about myself. 

• I knew that how I felt had nothing to do with them or my relationship with them.  It had everything to do with my relationship with me! 
• I knew I had, did, and always would love them more than life itself.  I would forever move heaven and earth if I could for their good.  They were by far the most important human beings in my world, and as long as I was on this earth they would always be that. 
• I came to terms that there really were times in "mommyhood" that I wanted to just shut myself in my room and not be responsible. I called it needing a breather, needing a break or taking a time-out.  The reality was I CRAVED time for ME - time that I neglected.  
• The idea of motherhood being hearts and flowers and puppy dogs and cute kids - it was a crock.  Trying to make it look that way only led to failure and exhaustion.  There were days when I really didn't care if someone judged me because my daughter wore a plaid flannel shirt, a floral skirt, and pink cowboy boots on the wrong feet to the store. She was covered and dressed. MORE IMPORTANTLY was that the battle of getting her that way was over. 
• I realized that I was jealous of all of the time and attention that I and their daddy could give to them, but I failed to give to me or us. It wasn't the green face of envy, but it was certainly a gnawing very quiet message of  I wish I had someone paying this attention to me.  
• What in some moments was my giving and existing in selflessness, felt like sacrifice in many others.  (The difference in meaning and attitude surrounding those is huge.) 
• I questioned my own heart as to why I was not fulfilled in the way I thought I should be. 
• I faced that as much as I loved being Mom, there were moments that I just didn't like motherhood. 
• I realized that I needed to do the things that refreshed me and filled my pitcher. That way I could fill the cups of my children.
• I realized that what I was experiencing was the natural state of HUMANNESS!

It's ok to throw some selfishness in with the selflessness.  It's the only way to not suffocate and to be able to grow and best serve in the role of mom.  It's also the best way to grow yourself for the day when your mom role changes as kids launch into the world.

I like to and I need to feed my OWN spirit, my OWN goals, and my OWN self. There are times when I want to be the center of the universe. Sounds pretty selfish, I know. But it's true. It doesn't make me a bad mother - it makes me an honest and healthy one.

 I am a human Mom - not a saint. 


Do you struggle with feeling selfish for needing some time for yourself? 

New Week Notions - The Sun Rises

Mondays are often a tough day.  They can signal another week of the same routine, the same challenges, and the same frustrations.  But take heart - even if the coming days feel like a shadow over you, remember that every day without failing, the sun rises and shines for you. Each day is the chance to see what it is illuminating for you! 

Sands Of Time - Fall A Little Faster Please!

Life is lived forward, cherished backward, and savored here.

If we are truly honest with ourselves, we can probably all say that there have been moments in our parenting, in our marriages and in our lives in general that we have truly wished would pass quicker than they seem to be moving. In those times we wish we could tap the top of the hourglass, hoping to help the sands of time fall a bit quicker. The moments and hours drag on...

• Little ones having tantrums.
• Spouses bickering and snapping at each other as life brings them challenges to overcome. 
• Elementary school kids and homework battles.
• Jobs, home responsibilities, family stressors, finances. 
• Teens and boyfriends/girlfriends, driving, high school drama, driving, graduating and college stress. 
• Trying to keep our fort... errr... thir... ok... trying to be as healthy and look like we did in our pre-children, pre-life days. 

In those moments that seem to be countless and unending, that seem to defy  how we understand time to move, the moments that we are tired and weary - we wish we could speed the hands of time to the hour that we finally feel content.

Here's the problem...

Happiness is a speedy and lofty prey. We will never catch it if we are chasing it.

Life goes on in a forward moving direction and at a fixed pace. It's the laws of time and space that we have no control over. That forward motion includes stepping through and experiencing each moment, even the tough ones. Wishing for the quick passing of those tougher times, looking and hoping for contentment to come in the next moments, robs ourselves of happiness and wastes our efforts. If we choose not to look for contentment and happiness in the moments we are currently living, we have let a precious gift slip through our hands. A gift that will out run us. We will be left looking behind us, wishing we had savored the moments of joy, the moments of light, and the contentment that were present all along.

In your tough moments today, look around you and find something you can savor. Take off your racing blinders that keep you focused on what happiness the future may hold. You will see that in the here and now, in the midst of challenge, happiness lives if we let it.

They Said It Would Get Easier - They Lied...

I am in the midst of sending the second of my three daughters off to college and into the world.

In my years of parenting older teens, as the college years approached, I always heard that it gets easier as each one goes.  Friends with good intentions gave me advice, freely recounting their momentous experience of finally being empty nesters. They told me that with each flight, a bit of freedom came. By the time the third little birdie flew the nest, I'd be a pro and barely bat an eye.  In fact, they said that I'd probably do a happy dance as she ventured off into the world.

It gets easier? I could not agree less!

My first went off and it was hard. I missed her terribly, but the emotion that took over was fear.  I questioned if I had given her the right preparation for life to manage on her own.  I worried for her safety and well being to the point of not sleeping.  Daily I questioned who I was as a parent and if I had done my job and given her the right tools to succeed, be happy and be healthy.  I obsessed on if she was getting to and from class safely, if she was figuring out how to be on her own, if she was going to class, and if she was getting enough sleep.  I battled that for months. After a few life lessons and knocks that she worked out and walked her way through, I realized that I had given her what I could to figure out how to be in the world.  She'd call sometimes for guidance, but I knew in my heart that she would be successful in whatever she did. She was strong, able and capable- we saw her triumph.

Ok... I got the parenting thing down. I don't question that much anymore.  But now my second is going off and it is hard for me.  I know I have stocked the life tool box and shown her how to use them.  She will make the choices of when and how to use them - she will figure that part out.  Surely I'll worry about the things that I did with the first, but not in the same way or to the same degree.  But still, it is hard, but in a different way.

My angst this time is not centered on safety and well being.  Since I experienced that with the first, fear is not the dominant emotion - I processed that already and know how to manage it.  Feeling confident in my parenting and how I prepared them has left time for a different type of emotion.

This time a difficult mixture of sadness and joy is dominating.  I feel the sadness of grieving of turning over my precious child to the world.  I feel the grief of remembering the child that was held nearly every second of every day until she was 2 1/2 stepping out of my physical grasp.  I feel the grief of sending my child who didn't want to be the center of attention, didn't want to play on a soccer team because she thought there would be boys on it, and didn't want mom and dad to make a big deal publicly out of things, into a phase of life that pushes each one of those areas in her life. I feel sadness because I know that I am sending her into a world where she will have to play on teams she doesn't always like, because she will have to stand out on her own and shine, and that at times, she will need to step into the spotlight.

I also feel great joy in each of the things I grieve, because I know like our first, she will be triumphant.   There is joy because I know that I, along with her dad, have helped her to be a strong and independent woman.  I feel joy, because she is embracing life, taking a risk, and figuring out who she is.  I feel joy because I know that in parenting her and her sisters, we have prepared them for life and the world.

So I say to all those that told me that it get's easier - either you were trying to soften the blow,  you truly couldn't wait for your children to leave, or you refused to face how difficult it really was.  Our children our extensions of us.  They will become their own people and make their own path in life if we have prepared them well.  But when we send them off, we are sending parts of us with them - and it is painful.

The good news is, in the pain, there is growth - for us and for them. Even though pain is not something we  usually choose to walk into, I will gladly accept the discomfort. There is great reward in the end.

Home

A brilliant scholar by the name of Dr. Michael J. Hyde wrote of the concept of home. 

Home is a place where the door is open, we are free to be ourselves in a safe place, and a place where dialog, connection, peace and rest can happen. Dr. Hyde's concept of home is not necessarily defined as a physical space, but as a state of being. Home does not have to be confined within four physical walls, but within the space created by having relationship and community with another person. Of course Dr. Hyde's description goes much deeper than these few descriptive lines, but even this brief description can have a profound effect on how we understand the idea of creating a home.

If we apply this idea of home to ourselves and our own experiences, we can see the impact it has a bit clearer.

Whether this home is an actual structure or simply metaphorical, we have all probably had an experience with feeling at home. We have joined a group, entered a home, stepped into an organization, or encountered a single person that we feel at ease with. Conversation is easy and honest. Guards are let down. We feel like we belong and that we are welcome. There have also been times that we felt like an invited guest into someone else's space. Small groups, co-workers, or individuals allow us to be there, but the boundary between us and them is never quite breached. It often feels awkward, frustrating, and tiring as the space never truly becomes mutual space- it belongs to them and we are a guest in it.

As moms, parents, caretakers or people that have an influence in other's lives, we are continually creating or potentially demolishing "homes".

Certainly every interaction that we have with others does not require us to put out the welcome mat, prepare a feast, and offer out our space for others to stay in. But, with each interaction, we give a glimpse of what our home is and how we create it. Some of our interactions will be a calling to others to step over our threshold at our invite, have a seat on a comfy couch, enjoy a nice cup o' java, and feel like they belong. Other interactions could be like an unexpected appearance to a party where the un-invited guest is let in out of courtesy, but sits in the hard wooden chair in the corner - being nothing but a guest and an observer of the party. As the master of the house, we can be the difference between another feeling like a guest, or feeling like they are home.

We each have a choice on whether to create an inviting space or not. We have personal boundaries that affect who we open the door for and who we do not. Although it is a choice, sometimes it is a responsibility - and not always an easy one to fulfill.

So how do we create a "home space" that invites others in?

1. Listen - Take the time to not just hear the words that others are saying, but truly listen. That means to take an interest in what they are saying and realize the importance that those words have to the other. Don't spend the time you are hearing them crafting a response to them.

2. Don't Judge - Each person has a back story to their lives that has created who they are, how they think, and how they interact. Usually, we have more in common than we know. When we judge them, we are really judging ourselves.

3. Set Aside Our Own Agenda - Truly be in the interaction to have connection with the person for who they are - not for what they can do for us. Think of the connection as unconditional.

4. Extend the Invitation - Most people don't like to impose, even when it comes to simply starting a friendship or a conversation. Extend the invitation through a conversation, a genuine question or common interest. If they fail to RSVP, send the invite again and leave it open ended. If and when they are ready, they will join you.

When was the last time you were made to feel at home?

Have you ever been called to create that for someone else?

Just A Few More Steps!

Do you ever feel like just giving up?

Some days seem so long and so tedious.  Our day to day duties and responsibilities stretch the hours, the minutes, the moments into a seemingly uphill eternity.  We get lost in the tiredness, the mundane, the never ending list of things to do. Our energy is sapped, our will is tested, and our desire to just push through is all but gone. Throw in crisis, trouble, or just a mere kink in our plans, and we feel that we will never see the top of the hill and get to see the beauty of the accomplishment that lies at the summit.

This is exactly the time that we need to dig deep, find our will and pull from that little hidden bit of energy that every woman - every mom has hidden insider her.  We need to draw on that one last fuse that we know is just waiting to be lit, that will propel us forward and upward.  With that little bit of spark, we can make it to the top of the hill.  If we keep our mind set on not how much further we have to go, but how far we have already come, our perspective shifts.  We find the bit of gusto we need to continue on just a bit more.

Hang in there, you're almost there. It's just a few more steps to the top!

Go And Get Your Own Yardstick!

How Do You Measure Up? 

I recently had one of those conversations with my daughter… the kind that just breaks your heart.  As soon as we started the conversation, I was transported back to times when I felt the same way that she was describing.  I could empathize, sympathize and hear my heart crack with each word.This is what she was feeling –

 That She Was Not Good Enough.

She felt like she had to work her tail off, and still not see the results that came to others so easily when they worked at those things.  To her, she did not measure up to what others were doing . That was tough on her.  In her mind, her value and importance was based on achievements that others were accomplishing. She couldn’t see how amazing she truly is because she was measuring by other’s yardsticks.

As her mom I comforted her and let her know how brightly she shines, regardless of what a result was in a particular task. I reminded her that she is an amazingly artistic, creative, and entrepreneurial kid.  She has an uncanny way of figuring out how to get things done. Although she is in the height and throws of teendom, she has a worldly ability that is far beyond her years.  She is brilliant, radiant, and kind hearted.  It’s almost absurd that she can be all these things, yet still feel like she falls short. I could say that is lack of life experience or maturity, but we all know that life experience and age has nothing to do with it.

Admit It-  You’ve Felt This

By a raise of hand, click of a mouse or a share of this post (ok… had to get some shameless promotion in there somewhere) how many of you have felt this way?

I know that more days than not, not being “good enough” pops into my thinking.  Some days it is a hindrance that I can step over, kick to the curb, or sweep under the rug.  Other days it is a full blown obstacle. I get so caught up in the size of other people’s yardsticks that I think mine pales in comparison. “ My job wasn’t as “important” as theirs. I “just” made this contribution, but they made “that” one.  They are more “put together” than I will ever be. “ Whether it is a conscious though or a subconscious feeling, there are days when it is hard to realize the things that my yardstick has measured.

Time to Re-Measure

When we are feeling this way, or when our children are feeling this way, it is vital that we realize that we should never measure ourselves according to what others have done.  Each person is an individual and gifted in different ways.  Even if two people share the same type of strength, so many factors go into how that strength plays out, that how those strengths manifest could be very different. One persons yardstick may have measured a mile, but another’s may have measured 1 yard 1,760 times. Is either one less accomplished than the other? Don’t both show strength and tenacity, even though it showed in different ways?

Get Your Own Yardstick

Next time you are tempted to use your friends, neighbor’s, or society's yardstick – do yourself a favor. Go and get your own.  You will be much happier when you own it, keep it, and see it for what it is - a measure of you from the floor on where you stand.  Not a measure of you from where someone else stands.

What do you think? Do you compare yourself with others to see your own value? What is one area of life in which you need to get your own yardstick? 

6 Easy Kid and Parent Friendly Projects for Valentines Day!

Are you crafty??

Here are six easy projects you can do with candy hearts to spruce up your Valentine table! 

We don't typically do a lot of decorating for Valentines Day, but it sure is fun to put a bit of the Valentine spirit into the days festivities.  why not have a fun afternoon with the kids and share a few minutes after school today to bring a touch of love to your home or table? These 6 crafts are the perfect way to do that! All of them can be done by you or by your kids, and all can be done in 30 minutes or less. These are fantastic ways for you to have fun, to be creative, and to foster the same in your children.  Enjoy these simple crafts that take no more than a bag of candy hearts and some things you probably have around the house! Enjoy!

The Romantic Candle! 

Time: 5 minutes

Find a few of your favorite sayings on the large candy hearts.  Heat up your hot glue gun - low temp glue guns work just fine.  Glue the hearts to the lower portion of a candle, spaced evenly. (I used a red candle left over from the Christmas holidays) Place in a pretty candle holder and Viola' ! A romantic candle to brighten your table! 

Note: ALWAYS use caution when burning candles - extinguish the flame before you leave the room and before it gets down to the level of the candy hearts. 

I Give You My Heart Plaque

Time 30 minutes

Separate candy hearts by color - a great way for your kids to work on color recognition and organization.  Use as many colors as you'd like.  Draw a heart on a piece of cardboard or other solid base. If you want and accent color on the base, apply that first - covering the entire base.  Use white glue to apply the hearts, one color at a time, to the inside of the heart.  Let it dry before standing upright. This is a colorful way to give your heart, or your child to express how much they love mom, dad, siblings, or other family!

Heart Jewelry

Time 20 minutes

For the little ones, a simple candy heart necklace can be made from ribbon and hearts.  Choose one large heart and approximately 14 small hearts in the sayings and colors of your choice.  Cut a piece of ribbon approximately 18 inches long.  Starting in the center, glue the large heart with low temp hot glue. Working out from the center, glue the smaller hearts in the pattern you desire.  

For the more experienced jewelry maker, use beads and jewelry findings to create a pendant style necklace.  Adhere findings to the heart using hot glue and string on a simple string rope.  

Keep My Heart

Time 30 Minutes

Using a re-purposed candle jar from the holidays, or any other container you have, create a "Keep My Heart". Glue a piece of fabric to the top of the lid and let it dry. Using low temp hot glue,  glue a large heart to the center top of of the jar and let completely dry.  Using small hearts, choose your favorite colors and sayings to line the lip of the lid.  Adhere with low temp hot glue.  In minutes you can have an adorable keep sake for Valentines day!

Sweet Hearts and Flowers for Your Hair!

Time 10 Minutes

Find some of your last year's spring silk flowers and create a fun hair decoration.  Decorate the center of the flower using a single large candy heart in your favorite color.  Affix the heart with low temp hot glue and let dry.  Affix the newly decorated flower to a hair pin or clip and you have hearts and flowers for your hair! 

A Vase for Your Valentine Flowers!

Time 20 minutes

Using two containers create this candy heart vase.  Insert a small container into a larger one - making sure that there is about 1 inch between the perimeter of the smaller container and the larger one.  Fill the space between the two containers with candy hearts.  Fill the inner container with your favorite flowers or greenery! Simply stunning! 

Love is in our actions. Take the time today to have fun and be creative with your kids.  These are simple projects that you can do together to make your Valentine's Day a bit more fun! If your kids are too little or are grown, have fun with these projects yourself. We show love by what we say, but also in the effort we make to show those special people in our lives that we love them.   ENJOY! 

Do you have any other suggestions? I'd love your comments and feedback on these easy crafts! 

In The Blink Of An Eye

Where does the time go?

I thought it was only yesterday – but I guess I am wrong.  The memories are so clear and the feelings so real.  That day I brought her home – how can that have been 15 years ago?

As I have gotten older, time just seems to fly by. 

When my kids were young – when I was young, time just seemed to tick by so slowly.  The days, at times seemed endless. Running after little ones, doing laundry, and keeping the little ones occupied stretched the minutes, and often my patience to the limit. Tantrums, potty training, battles of the wills, bedtime drama, all left me worn and tired.  And although the days seemed so long, night and sleep never seemed long enough.

I remember the looking for, hoping for, and waiting for the next milestone with such anticipation.  Will she tie her own shoe today? Is today the day she will dress herself?  Is she going to have as much fun at school as I will have in my couple of hours of alone time? Anticipation, waiting, and rejoicing when the times finally came were the norm.  Not because I was anxious to have grown up children, but because I wanted to see them learn and grow.  And let’s be honest, as they grow, the physical demands of motherhood change.   As they hit those milestones, I looked forward to some of my own energy, time and sleep back.

But, now, it moves so quickly.  It was in the blink of an eye, my family grew up.  My little girls have become young women and are beginning to step out into the world as independents.  Each day passes by before I know it and I am one step closer to having grown three adults. 

It is a happy, but also a sad thing for a mom.  I still look with anticipation for the milestones they will hit – driver’s license, turning 18, graduating from college, starting a career.  I look forward to watching them spread their wings and soar, but I also feel the pang of not having them in my grip.  The desire to loosen my hold and the demands it brought are replaced by a desire to hold on and say “don’t go yet!”

Isn’t that the way?  The times we don’t want to end seem to end way too quickly. 

As  I watched my youngest daughter blow out the candles to celebrate her 15^th year of life, I was struck.  My time as the everyday, every action influence is limited.  It will move fast.  It will be gone before I know it, and I will have raised three beautiful and capable women. 

So for now, I will make the most of the time I have with them.  I will cherish every moment, each memory, and each milestone.  I will hope for them, dream for them, love them, and do my best to prepare them.  The days that I had to drag time along behind me have passed.  Now it runs in front of me, outpacing me.  I will hang on to the memories in my heart and mind, for I know that I can’t capture the time and keep it still.  

How about you? Has time passed by in the blink of an eye? How are you cherishing the moments? 

Christmas Eve Confession

I don't like the holidays.


There.... I said it. I don't like the holidays.


Don't get me wrong - I love creating memories for my family.  I cherish the time we spend together.  Our traditions of cookie baking, bingo playing, scalloped potato making, stair stockings, and Christmas PJs warm my heart to no end.  It brings me great joy to see that they are experiencing traditions - some carried on from my family and some we created new, that hopefully they will carry on to their families.  When I hear them talk about the holidays as they are approaching, I know I have done well as the conversation is centered around the fun but also the Faith that is a part of our holiday story.


If everything is so perfect, and I feel that I have done good, then why don't I like the  holidays?


As joyful as it is for me to see my children experiencing Christmas and learning tradition to carry on through the generations, there is also a part of me that experiences great sadness.  There is a part of me that knows that the joy of the season is temporary and will soon come to an end.  Like many moms who make the holiday experience for their families, I give  my all to creating a celebration that my children will remember.  Though I would never change it, I am tired. Like many other moms, I have moved from my family with my spouse and become the matriarch of the holiday. I find myself  "winging" it and hoping I am dong a good job, while at the same time longing for being  under the safety and celebration of my own family back home. As each season passes, I have my joy increased, but my sadness as well. With the passing of each holiday, I know I am one step closer to having my daughters step out and build their own traditions with their own families.


So What do I do about it?


I hang on to the joy.  I hold tight to each memory we are making.  I cherish the fun and laughter. I know that I am passing on Faith and the meaning of Christmas. I know that even though I don't necessarily like the "holidays" I love the moments, the laughter, the smiles, the anticipation.  I remember that each effort put out becomes a part of my legacy.  I find solace that in my old age as I look upon my family, though I may not have liked the holidays, I loved my family enough to be a memory and tradition maker for my dear daughters. I will love being a part of their holiday traditions with their families.


To any of the moms (or dads) reading this that feel the same way, you are not alone. Even if you are tired in the entirety of the holidays, find joy and happiness and love the moments.  Know that you are dong a good work and building memories for your family. They love you and will cherish you for it.


I wish you a Merry Christmas

Creative Hat: Halloween Ghost Project!

Fall is here and that means it's time for Autumn themed projects!

Watch the video tutorial below to learn how to
make these adorable ghosts with easy to find materials

They're, a little bit cute, a little bit spooky, and a whole lot of FUN! Enjoy!





HALLOWEEN GHOSTS!

Rollercoaster of Life

Doesn't it seem like sometimes we are just strapped into a metal car, careening through life, screaming our heads of, with our hearts pounding out of our chests?


Life is a lot like a rollercoaster ride.


Often in life we are going along smoothly, enjoying the scenery that passes by us. We stop and survey the scenic views that are along our life track. We get comfortable win our jobs, comfortable in our relationships, and comfortable in our habits. The ride is enjoyable. We create a map and a road trip itinerary of where this attraction is going to take us. At a particular point along the road, we'll have a home and a family. At another, careers, accomplishments and accolades are expected. Still another, we have reached a particular status, economic goal or level of independence. No matter what each individual itinerary looks like there is one thing for sure.... the itinerary itself is two dimensional. The points run on a flat line, a horizon, a straight path. Another thing that is for sure is that life is 3 dimensional and runs more like a roller coaster track.

As accelerate through this 3D ride of life, we hit ups and downs, sharp turns, loop de-loops, jarring, and jolting changes in the track. Often in life, like on a roller coaster, we don't see or anticipate the shifts, dips, and drops ahead. Life events come that jar and shake us, turn us upside down and often inside out. We feel like life is tossing us around like a colossal contraption, designed to scare the wits out of us.

In these times we need to sit down, strap in, and throw up our hands.

Sit Down

There is a reason that you don't ride a rollercoaster standing up (at least not back in my day....). Standing up, our center of gravity is different. Although standing allows us to run, it also allows our center of gravity to be compromised. If we sit down, and take some time to absorb and assess what ever it is we are going through, we can better navigate the ride. We can avoid reflex moves that may in the long run, not be in our best interest.

Strap In

Even if we want to get off of the crazy ride, it is in our best interest to stay strapped in until it is over. The straps support our bodies, keep us in the cars, and provide protection for us. Leaning on family, friends, and our integrity is like those straps. If we surround ourselves with the communities that support us, they will help to warn us of and protect us from the dangers of the ride. Our integrity helps us to make the right choices that benefit us in the long run.

Throw our Hands Up

There are sometimes that we just need to let be what will be. Tough and complicated things in life happen to good people - and we very often have no control over it. What we can control however is our response. Of course we need to be responsible in our actions in good and bad situations in life. But if we realize that we can't control everything, we can throw our hands up - not in surrender, but in acceptance that the bumps of life are something we endure regardless of if we want to or not.


The ride called life starts out smooth. We can see the track ahead - it looks straight and easy to travel. We feel comfortable and safe with our safety belts latched. We get in our groove, enjoy the scenery, and enjoy the ride. The all of a sudden our stomachs drop, our bodies shift and jolt. Where the sky was once above us, is now below. We loop, we twist, we scream. The wind is in our face, the breath is stolen from our lungs,and we don't know how we can make it through this ride intact. If we sit down, strap in, and throw our hands up, we will make it to the end of the rollercoaster ride - full of relief or exhilaration from the adventure we have gone through.




How do you manage the rollercoaster ride?

Rearranging the Furniture

Change

One of my daughters recently posted on her Facebook page that she had a sudden awareness that things will "never be the same." Knowing my daughter as I do, I knew that this was not a some sort of cryptic message, lament about impending doom, or teenage melodramatics. I knew that she was pondering something deep and moving as she was coming to realizations about life and growing up.

The funny thing is, that feeling isn't limited to a teenager realizing that she and those around her are growing up and moving on. As we get ready to move on to different phases of life, or if something major happens in our life plans - things change. I think we all get to feeling that way... that things will never be the same.

Change is Continual

The truth of the matter is that life is a series of constant changes and movements. It never does really stay the same. Children grow and move out of house and away from home. Many friends come into our lives for a season and then move on as we welcome other friends in. Some stay with us for a lifetime but even those relationships are in a constant state of change. Loved ones are with us, shape us, form us, and then pass on. Jobs, skills, and interests wax and wane through our years. Whether we want it to or not, time, life, the world, even we are in a constant state of change.

However, we can take some comfort in some of the constants.

Our Life as A Home

If we look at our lives like a home that we are building for our selves to inhabit, we can see all these things that change as pieces of furniture to put into that house. The pieces are heirlooms, pieces of comfort, pieces of whimsical enjoyment, and practical and logical pieces. Some are steeped in tradition and represent our values and attitudes. Some provided for us and our children. Some we outgrew, others have lasted and grown with us. Many of the pieces are prominently displayed for a lifetime, while others are tucked away in the attic or basement. Regardless of how these pieces look now, where they are placed or stored, they are all real and have some sort of lasting presence. The change is not a disappearance of the furniture, it is simply a rearranging of it.

Life is Not Static

Life is not static. Life is dynamic, ever evolving and changing. Change is not a disappearance of the pieces, it is simply them moving around. We could benefit from not mourning the loss of what was, but by looking at the change of a rearranging of the furniture in our lives.

What do you think?

Letting Them Go and Watching Them Fly

Letting Go

I like to think that my writing serves and inspirational purpose for those that read it. I think in many ways it does. But truth be told, often, I am writing to myself. What I am writing now, I hope will be inspirational or comforting to others, But, admittedly, it is cathartic. It is to help me through a particular phase in my life. Many of you may be in the phase too.

This phase of life is about letting go - specifically, letting kids go.

Milestones

My girls are now 22, 17, and 14. They are all at milestones in their lives. My oldest is moving out of state for a promotion with her employer. My middle daughter and youngest daughter are a senior and freshman in high school. All of these things are milestones for them.

These milestones are the beginnings of chapters in their lives that are teaching them who and how to be in the world. The are growing, exploring, and taking in the world around them as they are introduced to new ides and new people. They are in a part of their life when they can truly write the words on the pages that make up a huge part of their identity. Opportunities are theirs, unencumbered by obligations and anchors to geographical locations. It is a time when they can spread their wings and take in the wonderful world around them.

These are milestones for me as well. As proud as I am of them, for me in my role as mom, the milestones represent the closing of chapters in my life. Selfishly, I am sad for me that their dependence on me is changing. It is painful as I have to let a part of "me" evolve and change into who they are meant to be, apart from me. It means that I have to evolve into a person that I am not used to being - a person without three other beings in my presence and under my responsibility 24 hours a day. As they discover who they are, I have to rediscover who I am.

Pain and Joy

Although this is hard for me, I would never trade their growth and independence for my own desire to avoid the changes that come along with their blossoming into who they are in the world. God designed us to be want for our children the things that make them complete. It isn't easy, and it isn't fun. It is tough, but I will get through it. I am a mom, and that is what we moms do. We dig in, and we get the job done. What I can take solace in is that the pain of letting them go will be soothed by the joy of watching them fly.

What do you think?

Grudges and Boundaries

Do carry a grudge? Or Do you set Boundaries?

Over the past few weeks, I have had several deep discussions with my daughters in various topics- social issues, relationship issues, finances, personal accountability, personality and identity. You name it, we have talked about it. (Many of the topics may spur their own posts!)

One was particularly poignant. Understanding the difference between grudges and boundaries.

It doesn't really matter what spawned the conversation, but the content brought me to a parenting moment and an obligation - a passing on of a lesson that took me a long time to learn in my own life: understanding what it means to hold a grudge and what it is to set a boundary.

Grudges

A grudge is much like the heavy door that you see in the photo above. It is a barrier that only has two options, access or being locked out. It is a barrier that locks in our own anger, pain and hurt, while at the same time locking out relationship with the other person and the opportunity for us to reclaim our freedom from whatever it was that hurt us. Conversely, ignoring the issue that causes us pain is like the door being swung wide open, leaving the treasures of our selves vulnerable to raid.

Boundaries

Boundaries are different. Boundaries are like a picket fence. It is a clear defining line of an area that needs permission to be entered into by another yet it still allows for a clear view of the parties on either side of the fence. A boundary allows the freedom and breathing room to recover from and feel safe from those things that may have hurt us. It gives us room to move and find our footing while at the same time, making it clear what can or cannot happen within our space.

Understanding the Difference

When we are young, we don't always have the maturity and life experience to understand the difference between them. We think that we either have to close and lock the vault door or keep it wide open. As a result, we may either shut out another or continue to get hurt. As we age, we start to know ourselves more, become more confident, and see more interactions and examples of how people interact. We understand that there can be a healthy alternative to holding a grudge.

We replace the heavy door with a picket fence.

The picket fence tells others that they are welcomed, but there are things that are allowed within the fence-line and things that are not. The fence creates a healthy boundary for interaction that benefits both parties. It lets the person setting the boundary feel safe in interaction and self disclosure. It sets the clear ground rules for interaction for the other person, eliminating uncertainty and anxiety in interaction, allowing the relationship to move forward.

Easy to Hold and Weighs Us Down VS. Courage and Work to Set, but Frees Us
Holding a grudge is easy. It in essence allows us to not truly deal with an issue. But in the long run, we carry the anger, anxiety and fear of recurrence with us. It weighs us down. We stay fixated on the barrier that the grudge puts between us and the other. Even though we think it is a way to keep from being hurt, the energy we expend holding onto it eventually takes its toll.

Setting a boundary is not as easy in the short term. It takes courage and work to set. It is not always comfortable. As we move through life, some of our boundary setting is subtle, and some of it must be bold. That's ok. That is healthy. There will be times when a look is enough to say "You crossed the line with me." There are times when we actually have to verbally express what our boundaries are. That may require mustering up the courage to confront the issue and the person, but it frees from the fear of recurrence as it empowers us to hold our ground and feel safe.

I hope she took away some understanding of the difference. I also hope she understands that it is OK and a very healthy thing to set boundaries, even with those that you love. It took me many years of adulthood before I understood the difference between the two. Once I did, I found myself feeling a lot less hurt by others, a lot more empowered to control my own happiness, and much more confident in who I am.

What do you do? Do you hold grudges or do you set boundaries?