Go And Get Your Own Yardstick!

How Do You Measure Up? 

I recently had one of those conversations with my daughter… the kind that just breaks your heart.  As soon as we started the conversation, I was transported back to times when I felt the same way that she was describing.  I could empathize, sympathize and hear my heart crack with each word.This is what she was feeling –

 That She Was Not Good Enough.

She felt like she had to work her tail off, and still not see the results that came to others so easily when they worked at those things.  To her, she did not measure up to what others were doing . That was tough on her.  In her mind, her value and importance was based on achievements that others were accomplishing. She couldn’t see how amazing she truly is because she was measuring by other’s yardsticks.

As her mom I comforted her and let her know how brightly she shines, regardless of what a result was in a particular task. I reminded her that she is an amazingly artistic, creative, and entrepreneurial kid.  She has an uncanny way of figuring out how to get things done. Although she is in the height and throws of teendom, she has a worldly ability that is far beyond her years.  She is brilliant, radiant, and kind hearted.  It’s almost absurd that she can be all these things, yet still feel like she falls short. I could say that is lack of life experience or maturity, but we all know that life experience and age has nothing to do with it.

Admit It-  You’ve Felt This

By a raise of hand, click of a mouse or a share of this post (ok… had to get some shameless promotion in there somewhere) how many of you have felt this way?

I know that more days than not, not being “good enough” pops into my thinking.  Some days it is a hindrance that I can step over, kick to the curb, or sweep under the rug.  Other days it is a full blown obstacle. I get so caught up in the size of other people’s yardsticks that I think mine pales in comparison. “ My job wasn’t as “important” as theirs. I “just” made this contribution, but they made “that” one.  They are more “put together” than I will ever be. “ Whether it is a conscious though or a subconscious feeling, there are days when it is hard to realize the things that my yardstick has measured.

Time to Re-Measure

When we are feeling this way, or when our children are feeling this way, it is vital that we realize that we should never measure ourselves according to what others have done.  Each person is an individual and gifted in different ways.  Even if two people share the same type of strength, so many factors go into how that strength plays out, that how those strengths manifest could be very different. One persons yardstick may have measured a mile, but another’s may have measured 1 yard 1,760 times. Is either one less accomplished than the other? Don’t both show strength and tenacity, even though it showed in different ways?

Get Your Own Yardstick

Next time you are tempted to use your friends, neighbor’s, or society's yardstick – do yourself a favor. Go and get your own.  You will be much happier when you own it, keep it, and see it for what it is - a measure of you from the floor on where you stand.  Not a measure of you from where someone else stands.

What do you think? Do you compare yourself with others to see your own value? What is one area of life in which you need to get your own yardstick? 

"Do As I Say, Not As I Do..." Role Model Mama

Do as I say, not as I do!

How many times have you heard that? Maybe your parents said it. Maybe your teachers said it. Maybe your pastors, doctors, or role models said it. Was that ever an effective method to keep you from making bad choices?

Here's another question: How many times have you said that to your children?

I think by the time we are adults, we consciously realize that actions speak louder that words. We may hear a verbal message, but if the action contradicts the words, then the lasting impression is the one we saw, not the one we heard. If our family physician tells us to quit smoking, but wreaks of cigarette smoke, how seriously do we take the message? If our boss at work verbalizes empowerment and unity in the workplace, but does nothing to facilitate it, do we believe that she/he is willing to help us succeed in the company? If we claim to be loving and gentle spirited people, but yell, scream or flip the bird to someone who cuts us off on the freeway, what impression are we leaving?

I realized what I was modeling to my children one day while driving in the car. The person in front of my made a not-so-smart maneuver in their vehicle that could have caused a hazardous situation for us. My kids heard my gasp, and immediately, one of my girls exclaimed "Come on people!" the words I use when I am frustrated with another driver. (Boy, I'm glad I use those words and not some others!) She responded in that way because I respond in that way. Even though I try to teach them patience and kindness, she learned to react with frustration.

Now I know that is a small example of how my kids learn from my actions. They learn many of their own behaviors and actions from what they see me do. Through my actions, I teach them acceptable behavior, relationship skills, healthy living, study habits, basic living skills and even overall life attitude.

Now I could lecture them all day long on anyone of these things. But I guarantee, that if I am talking the talk and not walking the walk, my words will fall on deaf ears. If I speak of patience and kindness, then I need to act and react with mercy and grace. If I speak of the importance of education, then I need to make sure my kids see me learning. If I speak of the importance of healthy living, then I need to do my best to stay healthy in mind body and spirit. If I encourage them to spread their wings and fly, I need to stretch my own. If I'm not not living it, they are not listening to it.

So, I gladly accept my role model hat. I know that sometimes it will be sitting crooked or backwards on my head. It may even fall off from time to time. But if I do my best to keep it on and wear it proudly, my kids will ultimately learn the lessons I am trying to teach them.