Crazy Little Thing Called Life

Life really is a crazy thing.  

The last couple of years has brought about so many changes, realizations and experiences.  From the loss of my sister, to the opening of my coaching and speaking business (Woman UP),  to the launching of kids into the world, to the transitions of my own aging... each new thing has brought a new realization.

Today, on the anniversary of my sister's passing - who was the same age I am now, I am feeling reflective about the things that I have learned about life.  So, bear with me, humor me, or reflect with me while I share.

What 45 years has taught me about life: 

• It takes you on twists and turns that seldom fit into your plan. 
• It brings you joys and challenges that you would never expect.  
• It is painful in ways that break you down, but also in ways that allow you to be rebuilt stronger.
• It provides opportunity for joy and service - IF you open your heart to those opportunities. 
• It is intrusive when you choose to let it happen TO you, but a bit more polite when YOU happen to it. 
• It is both happy and sad. 
• It doesn't happen solely on the mountaintops or in the depths - it happens mostly at the horizon. 
• It provides you with what you need, and what you don't. 
• It is mixed up, but so ordered at the same time. 
• It's full of colors blended in every way possible, but also starkly black and white. 
• It rolls on whether we want it to or not. 
• It is turned upside down, but always rights itself. 
• It is either suffocating or liberating - depending on what we CHOOSE it to be. 
• It is individual to each of us, yet so dependent upon others. 
• It brings and it takes. 
• It WILL bring moments, events, and experiences that you will never understand.
• It will bring you wisdom if you listen to it. 
• It is unexpected but expectant of us. 
• It resists being controlled, yet requires us to take control.
• It has its own balance - regardless of how we try to define it. 
• It runs in a time structure that is known only to it - and no matter how hard we try to schedule it, it doesn't change its structure. 
• It shows us, ultimately the things that are important. 
• It craves being cherished. 
• It despises being wasted. 
• It wants to be stamped with our unique marks and purpose. 

Ultimately, what what this list shows me  is that "existing" is easy. - that's just a matter of showing up and breathing.  BUT LIVING.... LIFE... it's complicated, it's messy, it's joyful, it's painful, it's necessary, and it's worth it.  We can take charge of it, but we can't always control it.  That's OK.  We just need to honor it by bringing our best to it. Life really is a crazy thing.

Are you honoring life by bringing your best to it?

For Amy

This is not a typical post for AZ Mom of Many Hats.

But, Amy is not a typical person.  She is my sister. She is amazing.

I have posted about Amy several times before over the last five years.  The first post My Sister's Cancer being about finding out in February 2008 that she was diagnosed in Stage IV Inflammatory Breast Cancer - an invasive and very aggressive form of breast cancer that does not generally have a defined lump.  There were successive posts on her journey and battle - many of them that brought hope and some that brought angst. All of them were in honor or celebration of her - and for a kick in the ass to the bastard of cancer.

This post is no different.

Amy is larger than life.  From her colorful hair to her love of fancy rats, there is nothing about her that is not vibrant, interesting, and totally genuine.  Each person that knows her would describe her essence as strong, witty, straight forward, authentic, dedicated, compassionate, and even snarky.  As a woman with a teacher's heart, a deep and devoted faith, a compassionate heart for all of God's people and creatures, and a strong sense of right, her actions towards the world have influenced, touched, and nurtured her family, our larger family, friends, students, colleagues and even some she has never met.

She is a force to be reckoned with in this world - in a good way.  I say it again... She is amazing.

On November 12, 2012 the world forever changed.  After many valiantly fought battles, at the age of 45, Amy passed away of Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC). She fought through chemo and radiation and all of the possible side effects that come with both. She showed strength and grace as she pushed her tired body through the day to day as best as she could - volunteering, mentoring, running her rattery,  being mom, wife, daughter and sister, singing on the worship team at her church. She fought hard, she fought long, and she fought admirably.

My heart, our family's hearts are so heavy and our existence will never be the same.  We no longer have the physical presence of Amy as mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, friend.  We will forever miss her presence here and always long for more time with her. But, the force of Amy, her essence can't be defeated. In that we find some peace.

Through her fight, many were educated about Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  Her teacher's heart wasn't stilled by the battle.  

Through her fight, she showed strength and grace. Her spirit wasn't crushed by the battle. 

Through her fight, she showed tremendous love for others.  Her compassion wasn't soured by the battle.

Through her fight, she showed what it was let go of things out of her control.  Her will wasn't destroyed by the battle. 

Through her fight, she left the lessons, the words, the actions, and the seeds that her family needs to move forward and be strong and good men in the world.  Her loving, nurturing and mothering were strengthened ten-fold by the battle.

Through her fight, her identity never became Amy, the Inflammatory Breast Cancer patient.  She was always Amy, who happened to have this battle present in her life. 

Through her fight she remained rooted in her faith, even when she didn't understand why this battle was hers.  The battle didn't destroy her trust and faith in God and her Salvation.   

She could not win every battle. But she NEVER lost the war.  Today she is singing and enjoying the splendor of HIS courts.  She is in perfect peace and whole.  That is something that cancer could never take from her.

Don't Let the Silence Continue

Women, men, physicians - please learn about Inflammatory Breast Cancer - IBC.  There is so much progress in many areas of breast cancer research and treatment.  We hear about that all of the time in the "pink" campaigns. What we don't hear is the dark side of breast cancer - the types of breast cancer like IBC, and that MOST women diagnosed with a cancer like IBC will die. Whether it is unpopular, unwillingness, or unawareness, this conversation in the breast cancer dialog is rarely had.  The silence is killing women, and men.

We knew about breast cancer.  We didn't know about Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

Learn more about Inflammatory Breast Cancer at:

The IBC Network
http://www.TheIBCNetwork.org

MD Anderson Cancer Center
http://www.mdanderson.org/education-and-research/departments-programs-and-labs/programs-centers-institutes/inflammatory-breast-cancer-research-program/index.html

Growing the Good

Is there a reason why bad things in life happen? When the garden of our lives are full of abundance, why do they sometimes get plundered?

We search for meaning in the tough parts of life.  We have a desire to know why a tragedy happened, why we lost a job, a home or a loved one. Our efforts are spend figuring out why as an individual, a community, or a nation has suffered a loss. 

In those moments of trouble, if we know we have not been doing all we could to prevent the trouble in the first place, hopefully we can see where we could have changed course and we can take steps to correct our paths in the future.  But when we are moving along, doing what we should, when we should, and why we should - that is a different story. 

Life is suddenly changes.  The smooth soil of our existence is suddenly overturned, with it taking the things that we have worked so hard to grow in the gardens of our life.  Our happiness is shaken and battered.  Our home life can be uprooted.  Our sense of security and ability to see forward to brighter days can be buried underneath, hidden by the darkness of all that has fallen upon it.  We try and try to till the soil, to bring it back to it's normal state.  We look for remedy and reason, but the garden just does not go back to what it was before the trials hit. 

The garden of life gets overturned  and plundered for so many.  We may know the person or the tool used. We may even know the reason why the person or tool was used. But we struggle to find a reason why it was OUR lives that were a part of the reaping. 

However, what often gets planted after the bad things in life offers hope. Compassion and understanding from ourselves to others and from others to us, become the seeds of new life. With the water of patience and the sunlight of care, seedlings emerge and a new and different abundance fills our soil.  The garden can flourish and thrive again. And in time, the garden returns.

The reason why it was our garden my never be answered. But, goodness and kindness that others and ourselves are willing and compelled to give to those who are suffering offers hope, faith and a sense of security.  It plants the seeds that allow life to continue on, differently than before, but with the ability to once again be abundant. From the destruction and darkness the garden springs back to life, and it is Growing the Good.

Sometimes You've Got To Stick Your Neck Out!

No one ever said that life would be easy.  No one ever said that things would just be handed to us.  No one ever said that we wouldn't be stretched by the goings on in life.  

Truth be told, life stretches us more than we can ever imagine.  We are busy, responsibility laden, and accountable to our families, our businesses or jobs, and our communities.  We're also accountable to ourselves.  

In all these areas, we are tugged, pulled, and stretched.  Often, we need to put in our own efforts to meet our accountability.  Often, we need to stick our necks out and stretch ourselves to reach goals!

How Do You Stretch Yourself? 

Always Remember - A Memorial Day Walk Through the Cemetery

A Memorial Day Walk
Photo By  Rebekah Mozilo

Not long ago, I took my daughter to the Veterans Cemetery in our town.  She is an avid and very talented photographer and was drawn to the emotion, the landscape, and the composition of the cemetery.  As a tribute to those that served in the military and our country, she wanted to capture a respectful and beautiful image of what is often remembered as a dark and sad place.

The Cemetery is along a major road that we travel often so we catch a glimpse of it regularly.  But when on days when there is a national celebration of Veterans and Service Persons, or on days when another is committed back to the earth after a life of service or a sacrifice in service, it is even more noticeable. On those days, the land is peppered with the colors that represent the freedoms we have in the United States. The usually brown and grey desert landscape is brightened by the Red White and Blue.

Service support groups lovingly and patiently place a flag at each headstone at the cemetery. I thought of that loving service that they provided as we walked through the rows of headstones on the day I took my daughter to capture the images.  What a wonderful tribute and show of appreciation on the part of the organizations so dedicated to making sure our service members have the colors they served adorn their resting places.

But, as we we walked through the headstones and eventually parted directions, my focus shifted as I began reading the epitaphs.

I saw the awards, medals, and commendations by those that lay beneath.  The dates etched in the stones so clearly defined the moments in history that they walked the earth, served their country, and fought for our freedoms.  The realizations that some had long life and others only a brief walk on this earthly home sat on my heart as I could only try to feel the sacrifice that not only they, but their families gave so I had the freedom to live my life in the way that I wanted to. Whether they had a good and successful life outside of service or struggled upon coming back to the life that so many of us take for granted, each of them in their time was a hero.

My daughter and I met up again and gazed at the rows of seemingly unending flags surrounding us. We spoke in quiet respect about the gratitude an bravery of the men and women that we briefly came to know through the stories on their headstones.  Somber words of what the service personnel and their families endured as they were separated for long periods of time, and for some through the loss of their loved one were choked back. We were both moved - me in internal emotion, her in creative emotion through her photographs.  We both left the cemetery that day with our hearts full of thanks to every man and woman that has served in person or has served in supporting their loved one in service to others.  We were both changed.

To every woman and man that has, is or will ever serve this great country, THANK YOU! And to every family that is home waiting for their loved one who is serving, THANK YOU! Each one of us that calls the U.S. home is indebted to you for giving of yourself and your loved ones, so that we have the choices and freedoms that allow us the opportunity to live a good and free life.

Rollercoaster of Life

Doesn't it seem like sometimes we are just strapped into a metal car, careening through life, screaming our heads of, with our hearts pounding out of our chests?


Life is a lot like a rollercoaster ride.


Often in life we are going along smoothly, enjoying the scenery that passes by us. We stop and survey the scenic views that are along our life track. We get comfortable win our jobs, comfortable in our relationships, and comfortable in our habits. The ride is enjoyable. We create a map and a road trip itinerary of where this attraction is going to take us. At a particular point along the road, we'll have a home and a family. At another, careers, accomplishments and accolades are expected. Still another, we have reached a particular status, economic goal or level of independence. No matter what each individual itinerary looks like there is one thing for sure.... the itinerary itself is two dimensional. The points run on a flat line, a horizon, a straight path. Another thing that is for sure is that life is 3 dimensional and runs more like a roller coaster track.

As accelerate through this 3D ride of life, we hit ups and downs, sharp turns, loop de-loops, jarring, and jolting changes in the track. Often in life, like on a roller coaster, we don't see or anticipate the shifts, dips, and drops ahead. Life events come that jar and shake us, turn us upside down and often inside out. We feel like life is tossing us around like a colossal contraption, designed to scare the wits out of us.

In these times we need to sit down, strap in, and throw up our hands.

Sit Down

There is a reason that you don't ride a rollercoaster standing up (at least not back in my day....). Standing up, our center of gravity is different. Although standing allows us to run, it also allows our center of gravity to be compromised. If we sit down, and take some time to absorb and assess what ever it is we are going through, we can better navigate the ride. We can avoid reflex moves that may in the long run, not be in our best interest.

Strap In

Even if we want to get off of the crazy ride, it is in our best interest to stay strapped in until it is over. The straps support our bodies, keep us in the cars, and provide protection for us. Leaning on family, friends, and our integrity is like those straps. If we surround ourselves with the communities that support us, they will help to warn us of and protect us from the dangers of the ride. Our integrity helps us to make the right choices that benefit us in the long run.

Throw our Hands Up

There are sometimes that we just need to let be what will be. Tough and complicated things in life happen to good people - and we very often have no control over it. What we can control however is our response. Of course we need to be responsible in our actions in good and bad situations in life. But if we realize that we can't control everything, we can throw our hands up - not in surrender, but in acceptance that the bumps of life are something we endure regardless of if we want to or not.


The ride called life starts out smooth. We can see the track ahead - it looks straight and easy to travel. We feel comfortable and safe with our safety belts latched. We get in our groove, enjoy the scenery, and enjoy the ride. The all of a sudden our stomachs drop, our bodies shift and jolt. Where the sky was once above us, is now below. We loop, we twist, we scream. The wind is in our face, the breath is stolen from our lungs,and we don't know how we can make it through this ride intact. If we sit down, strap in, and throw our hands up, we will make it to the end of the rollercoaster ride - full of relief or exhilaration from the adventure we have gone through.




How do you manage the rollercoaster ride?

Rearranging the Furniture

Change

One of my daughters recently posted on her Facebook page that she had a sudden awareness that things will "never be the same." Knowing my daughter as I do, I knew that this was not a some sort of cryptic message, lament about impending doom, or teenage melodramatics. I knew that she was pondering something deep and moving as she was coming to realizations about life and growing up.

The funny thing is, that feeling isn't limited to a teenager realizing that she and those around her are growing up and moving on. As we get ready to move on to different phases of life, or if something major happens in our life plans - things change. I think we all get to feeling that way... that things will never be the same.

Change is Continual

The truth of the matter is that life is a series of constant changes and movements. It never does really stay the same. Children grow and move out of house and away from home. Many friends come into our lives for a season and then move on as we welcome other friends in. Some stay with us for a lifetime but even those relationships are in a constant state of change. Loved ones are with us, shape us, form us, and then pass on. Jobs, skills, and interests wax and wane through our years. Whether we want it to or not, time, life, the world, even we are in a constant state of change.

However, we can take some comfort in some of the constants.

Our Life as A Home

If we look at our lives like a home that we are building for our selves to inhabit, we can see all these things that change as pieces of furniture to put into that house. The pieces are heirlooms, pieces of comfort, pieces of whimsical enjoyment, and practical and logical pieces. Some are steeped in tradition and represent our values and attitudes. Some provided for us and our children. Some we outgrew, others have lasted and grown with us. Many of the pieces are prominently displayed for a lifetime, while others are tucked away in the attic or basement. Regardless of how these pieces look now, where they are placed or stored, they are all real and have some sort of lasting presence. The change is not a disappearance of the furniture, it is simply a rearranging of it.

Life is Not Static

Life is not static. Life is dynamic, ever evolving and changing. Change is not a disappearance of the pieces, it is simply them moving around. We could benefit from not mourning the loss of what was, but by looking at the change of a rearranging of the furniture in our lives.

What do you think?

Letting Them Go and Watching Them Fly

Letting Go

I like to think that my writing serves and inspirational purpose for those that read it. I think in many ways it does. But truth be told, often, I am writing to myself. What I am writing now, I hope will be inspirational or comforting to others, But, admittedly, it is cathartic. It is to help me through a particular phase in my life. Many of you may be in the phase too.

This phase of life is about letting go - specifically, letting kids go.

Milestones

My girls are now 22, 17, and 14. They are all at milestones in their lives. My oldest is moving out of state for a promotion with her employer. My middle daughter and youngest daughter are a senior and freshman in high school. All of these things are milestones for them.

These milestones are the beginnings of chapters in their lives that are teaching them who and how to be in the world. The are growing, exploring, and taking in the world around them as they are introduced to new ides and new people. They are in a part of their life when they can truly write the words on the pages that make up a huge part of their identity. Opportunities are theirs, unencumbered by obligations and anchors to geographical locations. It is a time when they can spread their wings and take in the wonderful world around them.

These are milestones for me as well. As proud as I am of them, for me in my role as mom, the milestones represent the closing of chapters in my life. Selfishly, I am sad for me that their dependence on me is changing. It is painful as I have to let a part of "me" evolve and change into who they are meant to be, apart from me. It means that I have to evolve into a person that I am not used to being - a person without three other beings in my presence and under my responsibility 24 hours a day. As they discover who they are, I have to rediscover who I am.

Pain and Joy

Although this is hard for me, I would never trade their growth and independence for my own desire to avoid the changes that come along with their blossoming into who they are in the world. God designed us to be want for our children the things that make them complete. It isn't easy, and it isn't fun. It is tough, but I will get through it. I am a mom, and that is what we moms do. We dig in, and we get the job done. What I can take solace in is that the pain of letting them go will be soothed by the joy of watching them fly.

What do you think?

Fortyness: Smooshed Boobs, Aristotle, and Dead Batteries

Did this spark your interest?

I hope it has.

I meet my day with a fresh cup of coffee, a generally positive disposition (that is...post coffee consumption), and with the determination to face my errands and duties that lie ahead. Most days the routines and responsibilities are pretty similar. I do my workout, make sure the kids are up and get out the door for school, take care of whatever household business needs to be taken care of, and finish out the rest of the day on auto-pilot as I take care of typical family and domestic necessities. This is the general expected norm in the life of many moms (or dads as the case may be), at least as it pertains to home life. However, every once in a while, the universe has a way of throwing in events and responsibilities that seem to have no connection to the flow of my life, ones that when looked at together make me stand back and go.... Huh?

Today was one of those days. All before 11am, my generally routine day turned into a day of smooshed boobs, Aristotle, and dead batteries.

It started out as I had mentioned above with my coffee and sunny disposition. I guess you could say that I had my workout too...... I had my annual mammogram. If you have had one (and most of you who are reading this should have already had one or are about the age when you should have one!) you know that the contraption used is an exercise in flexibility to get the right "pose", stamina while you hold your breath as the technician runs back to the machine to press the button, and endurance of the discomfort associated with having parts of your anatomy smooshed between two cold plates to get just the right shot.

From my photo shoot, my day headed in a different direction to a time before mammograms as I moved on to the engaging words of Aristotle's Poetics and Rhetoric, an assignment from one of my school courses. I found a spot at my favorite coffee spot, and I marveled at his thought provoking words on virtue, communication and friendship, almost as much as I marveled over my ability to understand what he was actually saying. I felt cultured and even a bit scholarly as I considered the relevance of his words written 2000 years ago. But, alas, my stay in Ancient Greece was short as I had to take care of other duties of the day. I took the reigns of my modern day chariot - my big green SUV, and headed off to the west.

In my westward excursion, I quickly took care of some school business and headed out to my car to head home. I hit the unlock button on the key fob, hopped into the driver's seat, turned the key and.... nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even a hint of a turnover was my car going to satisfy me with. The battery was dead, leaving me stranded in the Arizona summer heat. After a few phone calls, forty minutes, and about a gallon of sweat, the knight in the white truck (the Auto club guy) came to my rescue and sent me on my way home.

OK.... so what does this have to do with Fortyness?

In fortyness, we want to make sense out of life. We want routine, ease, and no surprises. We want to grow and understand who we are but we want it in a safe, predictable and comfortable environment. What the happenings of today reminded me of is that in this season of life, Fortyness, we can't depend on predictability and routine. Things are going to stretch and cause discomfort to our bodies, minds and patience. Everything that happens in this season doesn't always mesh up with what we want to be happening, and that's ok. The veering from the norm can be tough, but it can also be good.

Smooshed boobs, Aristotle, and dead batteries turned off my auto pilot switch. These three experiences didn't fit into my normal routine, nor did they seem to make any sense at all when I looked at them together. In fact, I did utter an audible "Huh?" They tested my body, my mind and my patience. But, they caused good. The discomfort I felt in the mammogram will help to ensure my future health. The words of Aristotle stimulate my mind and thoughts, and help me to understand people. The dead battery, well...the tow truck guy was really really nice. When taken all together, today's happenings help me to see the value in being flexible and open to change an unpredictability. That willingness to break from routine and what is expected will help me to weather another day in the life in the midst of Fortyness.

Fortyness - Life in the Doldrums

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A doldrums is a still state, a state of non-movement, a state of non-growth, a state of stagnation. Upon the sea it is a treacherous state to be in. It can be the death of a sailor, leaving the boat stranded in the vast ocean as but a stranded speck upon the unending water. The sailor is dependent upon the wind and currents to move the boat - to take it to its destination. The sails can be raised, the rudder can be moved, but without a wind or current, nothing happens but a stirring of the water and the hanging of vast pieces of fabric. Although it takes skill to maneuver the boat among the water, the sailor, with all the ability in the world can go nowhere if there is no energy or force to propel the boat.

This idea of stagnation, of stillness, of being stuck in a state, knowing that there is a destination to reach but a lacking of energy to get there, can apply to people as well. This, to me, captures a lot of what Fortyness is.

In this era we have been propelled by the forces of life. We have reached goals in careers by hard work and choice that have been a catalyst for much of what we do and how we exist. Educational goals have been or are being met. The hard work and time investment in our higher learning cast us into social and academic circles that helped us to understand who we are in that setting. We may have had marriage of family responsibilities that dictated what and who we needed to be, not only by necessity, but also by choice. Who we are has been defined by what roles have occupied the prior years of our life.

But as this era of fortyness settles in, our identity comes into question. A period of redefining begins. This period often times feels without a driving force. It is in many ways like a doldrums.

As our age increases, we see the time we have to truly understand ourselves seems to decrease. We search for meaning in life, in relationships, in work, and in many of the things that used to serve as the fuel of our identity. At the same time, the roles we have depended upon are changing. The frenzy of parenting in many ways slows. There may not be much left of accomplish at work. We have the degree, now what? The forces that helped to move us along suddenly slow, and then stand still. We look for another destination that we know is out there, the destination of our true identity, but we have no movement toward it. We are stuck pondering. We are in a doldrums of life.

So what do we do?

If the sailor were to not continue to raise the sails, he'd not be able to test the wind. If he didn't eventually move the rudder, how would he know it there were any current? If he were to simply give up, he'd surly be lost at sea, never to reach the destination. So he continues on with the motions of sailing, hoping to find the hint of movement. Eventually, the sails catch the wind, and he is on his way again. We need to be like the sailor. We need to continue on, searching, asking and pondering who we are, and going through the motions of life. Eventually we will find a new fuel in our fortyness that will bring us to our destinations of knowing our identity. It may be just a small breeze that our sails catch or a raging storm, but undoubtedly, we will move from the doldrums and back into the currents of understanding who we are.

The Road Less Traveled

My family and I have taken a couple of small vacations this summer already. We have put quite a few miles on the SUV and traversed an array of different roads and scenery on our journeys. Some of the roads have been nicely paved and easy to navigate. Others, well, lets just say they were a bit bumpy, windy, and far less populated.

All of this summer driving left some time for a bit of reflection.

Wouldn't life be a little less complicated if we all had nice paved paths ahead of us to travel?

Traveling through this journey of life is not always easy. It is full of highways, interchanges, traffic jams, one way roads, dead end streets and rush hour road construction. Unexpected road hazards pop up, and suddenly you need to take an alternate route to your destination.

You can stick to familiar roads on this detour and know that it will probably take you to where you need to go. The roads you know like the back of your hand can be traveled with out much thought or effort. You know the scenery and can probably predict the signal patterns and exactly how much time it will take you. The tried and true will get the job done.

Or you can take the road less traveled. You know - the one that you've always wanted to take, been afraid to take, or just not had enough time to take. This road is the one that has blind curves, pot holes and narrow bridges. This one leads into unknown territory, unfamiliar situations, and uncomfortable surroundings.

But for all the discomfort this road less traveled may bring with it, it also brings something else. It bring brings incredible adventure and opportunity. Navigating these roads hones our traveling skills, challenges and strengthens our sense of direction, and opens our eyes to scenery and perspectives that we didn't have before we set out on them. Even if the less traveled road does not get us to our intended destination, what we have learned from the journey will leave us with more knowledge and wisdom when we do finally get to where we are going.

Do you stick to the familiar routes or do you choose the road less traveled?

Hot Crossed Buns...Don't Get Burned!

If you live in a desert area, you can probably relate to this.....

You're on your way out to run an errand in the middle of a hot summer day. The air is hot and and actually burns your skin as the 117 degree blast hits you in the face as you step outside. You get in your car, knowing that you can make it to where ever it is you need to go because your car that you've had parked in the garage will keep you nice and cool till you arrive at your destination.

As you drive down the road, you can actually see the heat rising from the road. It is an ominous reminder of just how hot the desert summers can be. But still, you don't lament much...at that moment... because you are still in your nice cool car and are headed into a nice office building, grocery store or mall. You know that despite the heat, you can bypass the pain of the blazing temperatures.

You pull into the parking lot of your destination. Then realization hits. The car you've been in will soon be sitting in the hot summer sun, transforming from a vessel of comfort to a blazing hot oven! When you get back into the car to leave, your hot car seat will give new meaning to hot crossed buns. And, unless you want to be branded with the metal of the seat belt buckle, you'd better find a way to keep the car cool.

So, you search and search for a shady parking spot to keep your motorized domain cool. Your eyes scan the parking lot. You see a few spaces shaded by small desert trees, but those that were there before you reaped the benefit of the shade. Just when all hope for finding shade is gone, you see a shopper leaving the building and heading towards a shady spot. You think your parking dilemma is over. Quickly you navigate the lot until you are right behind them. Slowly and stealthily you lurk behind ever so slowly inching your car forward as they approach their vehicle. You take the assertive posture, moving you car to the center of the isle as to not let someone from behind gain the upper hand. You put your blinker on and make definite "don't even think about it" eye contact with every other driver you encounter while on your hunt for some respite from the summer sun. The patron slowly backs out of the space. Without hesitation, your accelerate your car forward and into the newly available spot.

Feeling proud and accomplished at reaching your goal, you look up to admire the canopy of shade that protects you and your backside from the heat. You expect to see a lush, shady, green covering above. What you see is the twiggy, small leafed, sparsely covered branches of a Mesquite tree that are about as effective at shading your car as an umbrella made out of fishnet is at keep you dry in a rain storm.

There is nothing left to do but crack the windows, find the few stray napkins from your last drive through stop to use to cover the steering wheel, and pray that a rogue monsoon will miraculously roll in and minimize the heat.

So...what's the purpose of this summertime parking dramatization?

Sometimes we put ourselves into situations that we know we will get burned in, often times repeatedly. We are willing to take the same risks and apply the same behaviors but expect different results. To avoid getting burned, we often need to re-adjust and take a different approach to life, an approach that keeps us out of the heat.

As a side note.....Ive learned to do most of my summertime errands after the sun has gone down.....

How Does Your Garden Grow?

When I was a resident in the beautiful state of TX, I could grow anything. For that five years, my garden was beautiful! Anything I planted bloomed, thrived, produced fruit and made my back yard a peaceful haven. I had tulips, crocus, daffodils, butterfly bushes, hydrangeas, sunflowers. I could toss a melon seed in the ground and in a few months I’d have my own vine - peppers galore….you name it, if I put it in the ground it grew.

I have now lived in AZ for almost 7 years. In that time, I have yet to plant a bulb that will bloom a second season, seasonal flowers that will actually last an entire season, or a vegetable plant that actually bears anything edible.

Why! Why! Why!!!!

I love gardening, but have failed miserably. I know it is possible to garden here, I know plenty of people that do. I even know where my problem is with it. The soil and the climate are different here. I just need to adjust to it- maybe adopt a new strategy and plant something different and appreciate it for what it is.

It’s kind of funny how life is a lot like my garden.

There are times when it thrives, produces fruit, flourishes with blooms and possibility, and provides a comfortable and stable environment. The conditions are right for easy existence. The ground is fertile, and provides a healthy and nourishing foundation for growth, happiness and self discovery. There is plenty sunshine to warm the ground where new seeds are sown, and plenty of rain to water them so they can drink and grow. The roots take hold, and before you know it, the garden of life is in full bloom.

Then there are other times in life when there is struggle and drought. Rocky soil and beating sun thwart the efforts to grow. Seedlings my sprout, but the roots are shallow and they soon whither and die. The soil and the climate are different.

It is at these times that we need to change our strategy. Maybe the seeds we are sowing aren’t appropriate to the soil we are in. Perhaps the climate may be fine for a cactus, but not for a fern. We want what we had in our previous garden, but that may not be possible. We therefore must find new ways thrive and grow in ways that are appropriate to the place we are at. And, we must be willing to see the beauty in a garden that looks a little bit different than what we are used to.

When I moved here from TX, a good friend of mine gave me a garden gift that sits in my patch of dirt in my back yard. It says “Bloom Where God Plants You.” It took me a while to get the courage to live that. The climate and soil of life have changed. But, I am beginning to plant new seeds. Those seeds are beginning to grow. Soon they will be a thriving, beautiful garden!

Caution! Detour Ahead

Yellow flashing lights, orange and white pylons, signs with various arrows, squiggles and cautions. Roads being widened, repaved, repaired and ripped up. New lanes on the highways, roadways and in some cases, railways. U-turns, detours, road closures and reroutes.

No matter where I go within my city's limits, I am constantly coming upon construction zones. I drive to my local supermarket, I hit a zone. On my way to work, I hit a zone. On the way to get the kids..you got it, another zone.

On my way to where ever it is I am going, more often than not there are unexpected delays. I often have to change course and find a different path to my intended destination. Sometimes I make it to where I am going at the time I expected. Sometimes I am late. I occasionally make it there early. No matter the timing, I often end up on a different road than I had originally planned to travel.

Isn't life a lot like that?

We start off on one road to our goals and dreams. We think we have our paths mapped out perfectly and that we will fly down the highway at break-neck speed. We assume we will reach those milestones with no bumps in the road, no flat tires, no check engine lights.

But then we encounter conflict or circumstance. It might be in relationships with spouses, friends, or children. Maybe it is health issues. Possibly it is simply conditions beyond our control that affects our ability to provide for our families.

We are forced to carefully navigate around these things. Sometimes we don't see them ahead of us. We hit them head on. Then, the only thing we can do is stop and make repairs. Often if there is no other way, we must make a u-turn, go back to the beginning of the road and try traveling it again.

I know that whatever the obstacles, road blocks and construction zones have been, I have always ended up it the exact spot I need be. I do not always get there by the route that I had planned, but eventually I do get there. And I am a better person because the road I have traveled.

Photo from:
www.cs.washington.edu/.../detour/detour.gif

Uninspired

Do you ever have those days that is seems you just can't get motivated to do anything?

Some days it seems like I just can't get the gumption up to complete any task with any sort of excitement. I feel blah. I feel uninterested. I feel tired. I feel just plain uninspired.

That's the way I have been today.

As sat down at my desk, flipped on my monitor, opened a new entry template and stared at the screen, I realize that nothing was coming to me. I had a million ideas of things to write about - or at least fifty written down in my notebook. But not one inspired me to start rolling words off of the top of my brain, to the tips of my finger and onto the screen.

I flipped the pages of my notebook. I reviewed again and again the topic ideas. I even thought of a few new ones to jot down in my notebook. But still, nothing. So, I decided to set it aside for a while. Maybe something would come later.

I took of my writer's hat and replaced it with my runner's hat....I should say shoes. I thought that maybe if switched gears for a while, inspiration and motivation would come. But, alas, to no avail. I trudged through my run, uninspired, uninterested, and unexcited.

I took off my running shoes and put on my chef's hat. Maybe cooking for my family would snap me out of my doldrum. So, I cooked dinner. But even that lacked pizazz as I served up the broiled chicken breast, the broccoli and the potatoes - the same meal we have had hundreds of times.

But then this evening, it dawned on me. I had the ability to create motivation. Even though I couldn't for the life of me ramble on about one of my writing topics, I was thinking an awful lot about how uninspired I felt. Why not write about that? So again, I sat down at my computer and the words began to flow from the top of my head, to the tips of my fingers, and onto the screen.

I think life is a lot like that in general. Just when we are ready to give up, something comes along and gives us the the will to hang on and try just a little longer, till it begins to flow again.

At the very moment I thought that I had nothing to motivate me, motivation hit. In a strange and contradictory way, my uninspiration was actually my inspiration.

In what ways can you create motivation?