Confession of a Human Mom - I Am Not A Saint!

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are not longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children. ~Jessica Lange

Sounds quite idealistic... doesn't it. 

Mommy or Me - Selflessness or Selfishness? 

When I became a new mom and the ripe old age of 20, again at 24, and again at 27,  each one of my children became the beacon of my life.  My world revolved around providing a home, a life, and an existence for them. I was (and still am) passionate about them, dedicated to helping them grow, responsible for providing them stability, and accountable for giving them the tools that they would need to be productive and contributing members of society.  I gave my all to them, for many, many years.  I was able to stay at home- we had reasonable financial stability, and my husband fully supported my desire to be an at home mom.  My life, my existence, my passion, my interest, my career, my vocabulary, my interaction, my effort, my energy, my everything all flowed to one glowing ball of light.... my children. It was the natural state of "motherhood".  The job of motherhood.

I must confess - it was not the natural state of my humanness.

Don't get me wrong - I loved that I was able to be in that place.  I would not trade a single second of any of it. I am honored to be able to call myself Mom to three amazing women. In the ideal days of mommyhood, I played the role well.  I played it with heart.  I played and lived it with every fiber of my being.  I was happy in that.  I had focus, I had purpose, and I had an audience - three little children who needed me every second of every day. If moms could get Oscars - I think I would have been at least in the running for it. I was in the role, but I  WAS the role. 

 But I am not going to lie. As the kids started to grow a bit, I tried to keep the script and the ideal the same. But there came a point that I just wasn't driven or fed. Instead of joy with moments of work, it became work with moments of joy.  My energy began to run low.  My tank was empty. My kids were still the center of my universe, but my revolution around them began to grow weary.  I became unhappy, lonely and empty. 

I lost myself. I questioned myself. I made these realizations about myself. 

• I knew that how I felt had nothing to do with them or my relationship with them.  It had everything to do with my relationship with me! 
• I knew I had, did, and always would love them more than life itself.  I would forever move heaven and earth if I could for their good.  They were by far the most important human beings in my world, and as long as I was on this earth they would always be that. 
• I came to terms that there really were times in "mommyhood" that I wanted to just shut myself in my room and not be responsible. I called it needing a breather, needing a break or taking a time-out.  The reality was I CRAVED time for ME - time that I neglected.  
• The idea of motherhood being hearts and flowers and puppy dogs and cute kids - it was a crock.  Trying to make it look that way only led to failure and exhaustion.  There were days when I really didn't care if someone judged me because my daughter wore a plaid flannel shirt, a floral skirt, and pink cowboy boots on the wrong feet to the store. She was covered and dressed. MORE IMPORTANTLY was that the battle of getting her that way was over. 
• I realized that I was jealous of all of the time and attention that I and their daddy could give to them, but I failed to give to me or us. It wasn't the green face of envy, but it was certainly a gnawing very quiet message of  I wish I had someone paying this attention to me.  
• What in some moments was my giving and existing in selflessness, felt like sacrifice in many others.  (The difference in meaning and attitude surrounding those is huge.) 
• I questioned my own heart as to why I was not fulfilled in the way I thought I should be. 
• I faced that as much as I loved being Mom, there were moments that I just didn't like motherhood. 
• I realized that I needed to do the things that refreshed me and filled my pitcher. That way I could fill the cups of my children.
• I realized that what I was experiencing was the natural state of HUMANNESS!

It's ok to throw some selfishness in with the selflessness.  It's the only way to not suffocate and to be able to grow and best serve in the role of mom.  It's also the best way to grow yourself for the day when your mom role changes as kids launch into the world.

I like to and I need to feed my OWN spirit, my OWN goals, and my OWN self. There are times when I want to be the center of the universe. Sounds pretty selfish, I know. But it's true. It doesn't make me a bad mother - it makes me an honest and healthy one.

 I am a human Mom - not a saint. 


Do you struggle with feeling selfish for needing some time for yourself? 

Does Organization Drive You Up A Wall? Put it ON the Wall!

I LOVE to get my crafty on, but my organization skills when it comes to my supplies is a bit.... well.... lacking. The prospect of getting all of my stuff organized is so overwhelming. Scissors, tape, glue guns, pens, sewing needles, paint, glitter, scrap paper, you name in, it is in my supplies.  Every time I feel the creative part of me nipping my heels, I dig through boxes and boxes to find what I need.  It takes up so much horizontal space and working surface area. I know I need to get a handle on it, but it drives me up a wall!

Regardless, it has to be done.

In Mom of Many Hats fashion, I tackled the job of organizing head on, finding a solution to my organization issues and strife, as well as the frustration of the crafting supplies taking up my surface space.  I decided to not let it drive me up the wall... I decided to put it ON THE WALL!

Using a prefab shelf piece (only cost about $3.50)  some coffee/coffee drink cans I had been saving for just the right project, a couple of mug hooks and some magnetic strip, hot glue and screws, I put my creative hat on and got to work!

First, I took the coffee/coffee drink cans and placed them on the shelf board in a pattern that is both appealing and functional.  I placed the plastic lid on the bottom of the cans for an extra bit of stability and a bit of non slip security.  When I had them in the pattern I liked, I took a dab of hot glue to temporarily affix them to the shelf board.

Next, I used a small 1/2" screw to permanently attach the cans to the board.  It took a bit of elbow grease with a manual screwdriver, but it was made much easier by using the end of the screw driver to punch a small lead hole in the bottom of the cans.

Once all of the cans were affixed, I added a few cup hooks and magnets for hanging supplies that wouldn't fit in the cans, or that were metal and could easily bond to the magnets.  I added a sturdy hanger on the back to hang it on the wall. I filled them with my commonly used crafting supplies.

When all of the hooks, magnets, and cans were affixed, I had a ready to use craft supply center that not only keeps my supplies out of the way on my work surfaces, it keeps them at my fingertips, on the wall.  It was an inexpensive way to solve my organizing angst and a way to recycle, reduce, and reuse the coffee cans that could clutter a landfill or continue cluttering the shelf in my pantry.

A bit of innovation, determination, and recyclization (ok I made that last one up), and you too, can have a handy caddy to hang on your wall for your crafting, or other supplies!

If you found this project useful or if you have tried it out, please post a comment below.  Feel free to Pin, Tweet, FB, Link, Digg... or any other form of sharing.  I love to hear your feedback!

Goldie Locks and the Three Pairs...Plus a Tattoo

What sort of boundaries do you set for your kids? Are you the type of parent that sets no boundaries and lets them do whatever they want to? Or are you the type of parent that dictates and controls what your child will do? Are you somewhere in the middle?

I think I am somewhere in the middle.

Finding the right boundaries is tough. My goal has been to give my daughters the freedom to express themselves and figure out who they are, yet teach them what they need to know to be a productive member of society. My husband and I give them what we call freedom within boundaries. There are set guidelines until they are 18...and yes, we have had the "When you are 18 you can do whatever you want" discussion many times.

We give them some leeway on things like coloring their hair (at 15 they can as long as it stays in the realm of natural color.) No tattoos before 18, but they can pierce their ears and wear what ever earrings they want...as long as there is only 1 hole in each ear. They are free to find their own style of dress, in what ever genre or mix of genres they want as long as they realize that mom and dad have veto power if it is too revealing. Overall we let them try to figure out who they are and where they fit within their peer groups.

There are things that we have held firm on. We have always expected them to be compassionate to others. We have always expected the to learn from mistakes. We have always expected them to do the things that are of good character such as taking personal responsibility for their actions, to give their best effort, and to honor commitments they have made. Now of course as kids, these things don't always happen - it's hard enough to get this right 100% of the time as an adult let alone as a child. But when they don't get it right, we have let them take the the natural consequences that come along with it, and help them to figure out how to do it differently the next time.

We are not naive....we know that at 18 they still have some self discovery to explore and the boundaries, regardless of where we set them disappear. That is how they create their own identities separate from us. So when our oldest daughter began an onslaught of hair colors (cherry red and black, black with bright pink, platinum blond, and countless others) we knew she was still finding herself. When her ears went from one little diamond in each to 3 or 4, still self discovery. When the tattoo came.....

Bottom line, no matter what anyone thinks of her hair color, her piercing or her tattoo, she is a successful and productive person. She is responsible, honorable, committed, compassionate, dedicated, loving, and faithful. She has become what we hoped for her to be- independent, self motivated, and able to function in the world we live in.

As a parent, I know that the boundaries I set, or don't set, are because I love my kids. I want the best for my kids. I want to shelter them from the things I can shelter them, yet prepare them for the world that they will one day be living in on their own. My duty as a parent is to teach them right from wrong. It is also to teach them to make good decisions, have compassion for others, and to be independent. Regardless of what they are, the boundaries are there to help my children discover and become who they are meant to be.

By the way...her hair adorable. The earrings.... beautiful. The tattoo.... it is of her favorite Psalm - inspirational.