Go And Get Your Own Yardstick!

How Do You Measure Up? 

I recently had one of those conversations with my daughter… the kind that just breaks your heart.  As soon as we started the conversation, I was transported back to times when I felt the same way that she was describing.  I could empathize, sympathize and hear my heart crack with each word.This is what she was feeling –

 That She Was Not Good Enough.

She felt like she had to work her tail off, and still not see the results that came to others so easily when they worked at those things.  To her, she did not measure up to what others were doing . That was tough on her.  In her mind, her value and importance was based on achievements that others were accomplishing. She couldn’t see how amazing she truly is because she was measuring by other’s yardsticks.

As her mom I comforted her and let her know how brightly she shines, regardless of what a result was in a particular task. I reminded her that she is an amazingly artistic, creative, and entrepreneurial kid.  She has an uncanny way of figuring out how to get things done. Although she is in the height and throws of teendom, she has a worldly ability that is far beyond her years.  She is brilliant, radiant, and kind hearted.  It’s almost absurd that she can be all these things, yet still feel like she falls short. I could say that is lack of life experience or maturity, but we all know that life experience and age has nothing to do with it.

Admit It-  You’ve Felt This

By a raise of hand, click of a mouse or a share of this post (ok… had to get some shameless promotion in there somewhere) how many of you have felt this way?

I know that more days than not, not being “good enough” pops into my thinking.  Some days it is a hindrance that I can step over, kick to the curb, or sweep under the rug.  Other days it is a full blown obstacle. I get so caught up in the size of other people’s yardsticks that I think mine pales in comparison. “ My job wasn’t as “important” as theirs. I “just” made this contribution, but they made “that” one.  They are more “put together” than I will ever be. “ Whether it is a conscious though or a subconscious feeling, there are days when it is hard to realize the things that my yardstick has measured.

Time to Re-Measure

When we are feeling this way, or when our children are feeling this way, it is vital that we realize that we should never measure ourselves according to what others have done.  Each person is an individual and gifted in different ways.  Even if two people share the same type of strength, so many factors go into how that strength plays out, that how those strengths manifest could be very different. One persons yardstick may have measured a mile, but another’s may have measured 1 yard 1,760 times. Is either one less accomplished than the other? Don’t both show strength and tenacity, even though it showed in different ways?

Get Your Own Yardstick

Next time you are tempted to use your friends, neighbor’s, or society's yardstick – do yourself a favor. Go and get your own.  You will be much happier when you own it, keep it, and see it for what it is - a measure of you from the floor on where you stand.  Not a measure of you from where someone else stands.

What do you think? Do you compare yourself with others to see your own value? What is one area of life in which you need to get your own yardstick? 

When Do You Call a Spade a Spade?

Of course you call a spade a spade when it is a spade.

Why is it then, that I just gave myself permission to officially call myself a runner? Is it because I have three timed races under my belt? Is it because I have reached a certain distance or a certain time in my runs?

Before the half-marathon that I ran earlier this month, Mr. Mom of Many Hats and I attended an expo put on by the sponsors of the race. While we were there, we picked up our race packets with our bibs, chips, hydration tips, rout maps - all the race "stuff" we would need for the race the following day. We also had the chance to peruse vendors of sports gear, health and nutrition supplies, sunglasses, filtered water, watches - you name it, if it was health or fitness related, it was there. (Not sure where the beer vendors fit it, but to each his own.)

As we were leaving the event, I turned to Mr. Mom of Many Hats and said "I guess after tomorrow, I can officially call myself a runner!"

He looked at me with a bit of puzzlement.

You see, for the last 18 months, we have spent most Saturday mornings running the same trails. For many of those months, he far outran me in distance and speed. But, while training for this event, we have run the trails and the miles together, side by side.

But still, I didn't FEEL like a runner. I didn't believe I was fast enough, elite enough, or conditioned enough to give myself that status. I didn't measure up. How could I claim that title?

He, on the other hand, has considered me a runner from the day I ran my first 30 minute session on the treadmill. He has seen me work, train, ache, blister, wear out shoes and fight the elements just like other "runners" do. He saw in me the qualities and characteristics of a runner, even though I didn't recognize them.

I learned a valuable lesson from him. Although I shouldn't rely on others to tell me who I am, it is important for me to try and look at myself through other's eyes. I can gain perspective, focus, and an appreciation for who I am and what I have accomplished.

I now know that you call a runner a runner when she is a runner!

Do You Resolute?

This time of year is amazing.

It is a time of celebration, a time of new beginnings, and a time of ringing in the new year. It is a time when much of the world watches rose adorned floats travel through the city of Pasadena. It is a time when football fans anxiously watch as their favorite college team fights to be the Rose Bowl winner. It is a time when the entire world can reflect on the past 365 days and dream about what the next 365 have in store.


It is also a time of personal resolutions.

January 1st marks the fresh start of a new year. It marks a time when people can leave behind old habits and put in place new ones. Maybe it is lifestyle habit like smoking or unhealthy eating that needs to be changed. Maybe it is relationship habits, communication or dependency patterns that need to be changed. Maybe it is simply a resolve to look at life with a more positive attitude.

Whatever it is that the resolve revolves around, it takes determination, drive, and an honest desire to make a change in order for it to be effective. It also takes realistic expectations of ourselves, our bodies, our health and others. If we lack any of these things, we will certainly lose our focus and resolution to change.

There are some things to keep in mind as the New Year rings in.

• Every day is a new day and a new beginning - not just January 1st. If resolve waivers, the next day is an opportunity to start fresh.
• There would not be success if there was not failure. Let's not beat ourselves up if we don't reach a goal.
• The biggest part of learning comes not from reaching the goal, but from the journey we take to get there - whether we reach our destination or not.
• Keep resolutions realistic and attainable. There is a better chance of keeping them if we set ourselves up for success.

How do you mark the New Year? Do you resolute?

It's a Dog's Life

Elsie and Fina stand at my bedroom door. They anxiously await the treat in the pantry, the treat that I give them each morning. They follow me downstairs into the kitchen prancing and voicing their excitement for the yummy morsels they are about to get. They beg, sit, then in a single bite their treats are gone. They stay underfoot as I prepare my morning coffee, hoping that perchance, I will show them mercy and give them one more treat. They stare at me with longing eyes.

Once they realize it is a futile effort, Elsie and Fina move on. They wait at the food dish for a delicious breakfast of kibble - small crunchy bites of canine cuisine. With gusto, they quickly partake of the morning feast. They take a quick drink and then it is on with their morning.

They follow me around the house, hungry for attention. They each find a toy. With expectant postures, they bring them to me. As I take the toys, they both prepare for the fetch. They dart off of as I throw only to quickly return to repeat the game. This continues until they tire.

Elsie and Fina sprawl out on the cool tile in the front entryway, belly to floor, chin resting on their front paws. For a little while, they are content sleeping. But, as soon as they awake, they begin a playful game of chase, each taking turns catching and chewing on the other.

As I prepare to leave for the morning, both of my "girls" watch me exit through the garage door. I know that when I return, they will both be waiting at the same door, smiling in their own animal way, with a warm welcome that only two of man's- or woman's best friend can give.

These sound like pretty nice dogs, don't they?

The thing is, Fina is a 95 pound, 6 year old black Labrador. Elsie is a 5 pound, 5 month old American short haired kitten that baffles me every time I look at her.

Now, I am not trying to offend cat lovers. Nor am I trying to pigeon hole all cats. But, I must admit that in general cats turn me off. They can be be sort of snooty, stand-offish....arrogant. They seem to own us, not us them.

But not Elsie. She baffles me because she acts like a dog. I expect her to be one thing, but she acts like another. She doesn't fit the mold that I have made for her. She marches to the beat of her own drum....or at least Fina's drum.

I think that as people, we expect certain things of others as well as ourselves. When others don't measure up to what we think they should be, we are disappointed. When we don't live up to what others think we should live up to, we are disappointed in ourselves.

Now of course there are certain things that we must do in the roles and responsibilities that we have been given in life. However, I believe that there is courage, beauty and wisdom to be gained by accepting that we don't have to be what everyone, including ourselves, thinks we should be. By challenging expectations, we learn about ourselves. We figure out who we are at our core - what truly makes us tick. By challenging expectations, we find out who we are....just for ourselves.

What can you do today that doesn't fit the "mold" of who you are?

Post a response, share an e-mail or tell a friend what you have discovered about yourself.

P.S. By breaking my mold, I have discovered that I am much more extroverted and edgy than I, or others thought I was. There's more, but maybe I'll reveal it in another blog!