For Amy

This is not a typical post for AZ Mom of Many Hats.

But, Amy is not a typical person.  She is my sister. She is amazing.

I have posted about Amy several times before over the last five years.  The first post My Sister's Cancer being about finding out in February 2008 that she was diagnosed in Stage IV Inflammatory Breast Cancer - an invasive and very aggressive form of breast cancer that does not generally have a defined lump.  There were successive posts on her journey and battle - many of them that brought hope and some that brought angst. All of them were in honor or celebration of her - and for a kick in the ass to the bastard of cancer.

This post is no different.

Amy is larger than life.  From her colorful hair to her love of fancy rats, there is nothing about her that is not vibrant, interesting, and totally genuine.  Each person that knows her would describe her essence as strong, witty, straight forward, authentic, dedicated, compassionate, and even snarky.  As a woman with a teacher's heart, a deep and devoted faith, a compassionate heart for all of God's people and creatures, and a strong sense of right, her actions towards the world have influenced, touched, and nurtured her family, our larger family, friends, students, colleagues and even some she has never met.

She is a force to be reckoned with in this world - in a good way.  I say it again... She is amazing.

On November 12, 2012 the world forever changed.  After many valiantly fought battles, at the age of 45, Amy passed away of Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC). She fought through chemo and radiation and all of the possible side effects that come with both. She showed strength and grace as she pushed her tired body through the day to day as best as she could - volunteering, mentoring, running her rattery,  being mom, wife, daughter and sister, singing on the worship team at her church. She fought hard, she fought long, and she fought admirably.

My heart, our family's hearts are so heavy and our existence will never be the same.  We no longer have the physical presence of Amy as mom, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, friend.  We will forever miss her presence here and always long for more time with her. But, the force of Amy, her essence can't be defeated. In that we find some peace.

Through her fight, many were educated about Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  Her teacher's heart wasn't stilled by the battle.  

Through her fight, she showed strength and grace. Her spirit wasn't crushed by the battle. 

Through her fight, she showed tremendous love for others.  Her compassion wasn't soured by the battle.

Through her fight, she showed what it was let go of things out of her control.  Her will wasn't destroyed by the battle. 

Through her fight, she left the lessons, the words, the actions, and the seeds that her family needs to move forward and be strong and good men in the world.  Her loving, nurturing and mothering were strengthened ten-fold by the battle.

Through her fight, her identity never became Amy, the Inflammatory Breast Cancer patient.  She was always Amy, who happened to have this battle present in her life. 

Through her fight she remained rooted in her faith, even when she didn't understand why this battle was hers.  The battle didn't destroy her trust and faith in God and her Salvation.   

She could not win every battle. But she NEVER lost the war.  Today she is singing and enjoying the splendor of HIS courts.  She is in perfect peace and whole.  That is something that cancer could never take from her.

Don't Let the Silence Continue

Women, men, physicians - please learn about Inflammatory Breast Cancer - IBC.  There is so much progress in many areas of breast cancer research and treatment.  We hear about that all of the time in the "pink" campaigns. What we don't hear is the dark side of breast cancer - the types of breast cancer like IBC, and that MOST women diagnosed with a cancer like IBC will die. Whether it is unpopular, unwillingness, or unawareness, this conversation in the breast cancer dialog is rarely had.  The silence is killing women, and men.

We knew about breast cancer.  We didn't know about Inflammatory Breast Cancer.

Learn more about Inflammatory Breast Cancer at:

The IBC Network
http://www.TheIBCNetwork.org

MD Anderson Cancer Center
http://www.mdanderson.org/education-and-research/departments-programs-and-labs/programs-centers-institutes/inflammatory-breast-cancer-research-program/index.html

The Reality Of Pink

I dedicate this note to my sweet sister Amy and my three cousins who have battled or are battling Breast Cancer. I also dedicate it to my two aunts in heaven who both battled this disease.

I am spurred to write this as a response to a blog post I saw posted by my sister that talked about how we are "pinked out". The article is a fantastic blog post written by one who is doing their part to raise funds for the prevention, cure, treatment and awareness of breast cancer. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your efforts to that very special and dedicated person.

The "pink" movement has gotten a lot of attention. Just about anyone in the US who saw a pink ribbon would probably have some recognition with it in regards to breast cancer "awareness". It is a good thing that people know that breast cancer exists, and that they should get mammograms and do self checks. But simply being aware of it is not enough. Pink shouldn't just be seen as a pretty ribbon, a cute water bottle, or a trendy bracelet that has caused an uproar. Pink shouldn't just be limited to one month for people to be "aware" of breast cancer. Pink doesn't stand for something that happens to other people. It doesn't stand for a bonding experience you may have with another person on a fund raising walk. It doesn't stand for something that affects a certain sex.

The thinking needs to change. Pink should stand for reality. The reality that this could happen to you.

This is what pink should stand for. It should stand for the scars that women AND men carry on their bodies from surgeries to remove lumps, lymph nodes, and breasts. It should stand for the pink port-a-cath entry point where drugs are injected, that often themselves can have side effects. It should stand for the previously untouched by the sun skin on women and men who have lost or chosen to take control and get rid of the hair on their heads and the rest of their bodies. It should stand for the red, dry, cracked skin that may be a side effect of chemo for some. It should be for the radiation burns that can happen as a result of radiation therapy. It should be for the scars and the pain that the families, friends and loved ones have if they have lost someone to this disease. It should be for tired and hurting feet on the long road to treatment and recovery.

I get that people may read this note and think that I sound angry. I am. I am angry at cancer. But I am also angry at the watered down attitude that people have about this. I was one of those - until it happened to my sister, and three cousins -and untill there was a total of three out of five women in this generation on ONE side of my family with breast cancer.

Instead of a pink pretty ribbon, would a photo of a pink lumpectomy or mastectomy, a pink burn, a pink port, a pink scalp, a face pink from shedding tears, would those things get the attention and make people snap into reality? Instead of the recognition of pink as a breast cancer awareness marketing tool (and I use that in the sense of recognition) when will we snap into reality? Pink isn't a cutesie marketing and fundraising tool. Pink stands for WAKE UP PEOPLE! THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!