Dear Daughters...

Dear Daughters...

You have many paths and opportunities before you in life.  You are amazing and beautiful creatures, full of love full of life, and full of the ability to to great things in life.  Your hearts for others and for good are shining beacons in this world.  You are brilliant, you sparkle, and you are dazzling.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to take the risk, the adventure and the experience of walking those roads independently for a time.  Take the opportunity to show yourself of what YOU are capable of.  This is a gift you will treasure in your life, and it will do you much good.

However, I know that there will probably be a time that you want to share those with someone else.  You will be venturing on a new path and a new experience...finding "the one".  That road can be scary and confusing.  But, from mom to daughter, woman to woman,  I impart this advice to you.

The ONE Will:

• Be passionate about you, not possessive over you.
• Complete your feeling of love, but not you.  He will compliment the completeness of who you already are.
• Court you, even after he has your heart.
• Love you for who you were, who you are, and who you will become - not for who you could be. 
• Not step in to fix things for you without asking, but instead support your foundations, allowing you to make the repairs on your own.
• Know when your need to be heard is more important than his need to speak. 
• Consider your feelings in the decisions he makes.
• Stand up and protect you, yet not shelter to so that you don't experience the world.
• Put you on a pedestal, yet hold the ladder steady for you when you need to climb down and be human and flawed - and he will love that about you.
• Respect your boundaries.
• Not prod your painful spots, but work to be the salve that helps them heal.  
• Not try to change you.
• Know when he needs to be your Knight and when you need to be the one at the reigns calling the shots. 
• Trust, cherish, desire and empower you.
• Be committed to you and want to work through the tough times when they do arise - which should not be often.
• Support you in your efforts and successes.
• Comfort you in your falls. 
• Encourage you to reach for your dreams, and not be jealous or intimidated when you reach them. 
• Be your safe place where you can let your hopes, fears, desires, ideas,wishes, dreams, and frustrations be heard without fear of being judged. 

It takes a bit of time and effort to recognize these things. Many of them take practice to hone and truly live out in a relationship.  But, if you don't see at least a seed, a glimmer, a spark from the beginning, step back and take a look. If they are not there at all or if they are not growing, they may never be what you need.  Don't place your hopes in them appearing "someday" and you being able to grow those seeds or ignite those sparks. They are inherent in the one for you - and in you if you are the one for them.

Relationships take work, but should never be a constant struggle or battle -  especially early on. Don't ever, EVER sell yourself short on what you are worthy of in a relationship.  You were beautifully and wonderfully made. The one will recognize the prize that you are.

One more thing....

He will always open the door for you.

Goldie Locks and the Three Pairs...Plus a Tattoo

What sort of boundaries do you set for your kids? Are you the type of parent that sets no boundaries and lets them do whatever they want to? Or are you the type of parent that dictates and controls what your child will do? Are you somewhere in the middle?

I think I am somewhere in the middle.

Finding the right boundaries is tough. My goal has been to give my daughters the freedom to express themselves and figure out who they are, yet teach them what they need to know to be a productive member of society. My husband and I give them what we call freedom within boundaries. There are set guidelines until they are 18...and yes, we have had the "When you are 18 you can do whatever you want" discussion many times.

We give them some leeway on things like coloring their hair (at 15 they can as long as it stays in the realm of natural color.) No tattoos before 18, but they can pierce their ears and wear what ever earrings they want...as long as there is only 1 hole in each ear. They are free to find their own style of dress, in what ever genre or mix of genres they want as long as they realize that mom and dad have veto power if it is too revealing. Overall we let them try to figure out who they are and where they fit within their peer groups.

There are things that we have held firm on. We have always expected them to be compassionate to others. We have always expected the to learn from mistakes. We have always expected them to do the things that are of good character such as taking personal responsibility for their actions, to give their best effort, and to honor commitments they have made. Now of course as kids, these things don't always happen - it's hard enough to get this right 100% of the time as an adult let alone as a child. But when they don't get it right, we have let them take the the natural consequences that come along with it, and help them to figure out how to do it differently the next time.

We are not naive....we know that at 18 they still have some self discovery to explore and the boundaries, regardless of where we set them disappear. That is how they create their own identities separate from us. So when our oldest daughter began an onslaught of hair colors (cherry red and black, black with bright pink, platinum blond, and countless others) we knew she was still finding herself. When her ears went from one little diamond in each to 3 or 4, still self discovery. When the tattoo came.....

Bottom line, no matter what anyone thinks of her hair color, her piercing or her tattoo, she is a successful and productive person. She is responsible, honorable, committed, compassionate, dedicated, loving, and faithful. She has become what we hoped for her to be- independent, self motivated, and able to function in the world we live in.

As a parent, I know that the boundaries I set, or don't set, are because I love my kids. I want the best for my kids. I want to shelter them from the things I can shelter them, yet prepare them for the world that they will one day be living in on their own. My duty as a parent is to teach them right from wrong. It is also to teach them to make good decisions, have compassion for others, and to be independent. Regardless of what they are, the boundaries are there to help my children discover and become who they are meant to be.

By the way...her hair adorable. The earrings.... beautiful. The tattoo.... it is of her favorite Psalm - inspirational.