Hat Tricks Earth and Pocketbook Friendly Hats

Be kind to the earth as well as kind to your pocketbook! Re-purpose your excess jarred candle wax as well as other household items to get every penny's worth of scent as well being good to the environment!

Memories

I am going to dedicate this post to memories today.

It is a day that, if you lived anywhere in the US, you can probably recall with very vivid memory. I know I can. In fact, I am writing this, sitting in the same restaurant chain where I met a friend to pray with shortly after the attacks happened. I needed her support that day. I feared for my family in New York. I briefly panicked when I couldn’t remember if and where my husband was traveling that week. I remember my daughter coming home from school in tears because her school wouldn’t let me call her to see if her great grandmother in New York was OK. I so clearly remember thinking that life would never be anywhere near normal again. The feelings, the fear, the flow and the events of that day are burned in my memory and probably will be for as long as I have cognitive function……

This memory is extremely powerful. It has changed my perception of a lot of things. Although I have always respected those in public service, I have an even greater appreciation for the sacrifices that public servants make to protect their fellow man. I am much more aware of what is going on in the world, and make a conscious effort to understand those that are different than me. I pay more attention to my surroundings. I look for exit signs and escape routs when I am in public places. Overall, I realize the world is not always a safe place.

But, even though my perceptions have changed, that event and this memory does not define me. It does not change who I am or control me. As much as the horror of that day could have crippled me and the rest of this country, I took strength and shelter in my loved ones, my community, my places of worship, and my faith in this country. I did not let this event or this memory take over my life.

This memory is specific to September 11, 2001. I know that this was a day of unfathomable pain for so many. I can not even imagine what so many others went through, and I would never even think of trying to minimize or deny those people their pain.

But, any memory, whether it be of this day or another memory, does not have to define us. Our memories and experiences will undoubtedly change our perceptions and become a part of our personal stories. But, we do have the ability to use those memories to make a difference in ourselves, in our relationships, or in our communities.

Choices...The Struggle of Choosing the Better of Two Goods

Not all choices are hard.

The choice between clearly good and clearly bad is a pretty easy choice. I think the vast majority would not have to put much thought into this one. We see a clear line between the two choices. We have clear cut information that helps us decide the pros and cons of each. Usually the tally marks line up with the cons for the bad option and the pros for the good option. We choose the good.

The choice between two clearly bad options is also not that difficult either. Here we know that both options are not good. But in the end, we look at our list of tally marks and the one with the most negative results usually is the choice that loses. Even though we would rather not have to make a choice, the lesser of the two evils usually is the decision of choice.

But what about when you are faced in choosing the better of two goods?

This is where, at least I think, it gets hard.

Some times we are faced with choosing between two good decisions. Either choice will reap benefits. The benefits may be personal, professional, financial, or a combination of any of those things. No matter which we choose, we can't lose....at least we don't think we can. How do we make a choice?

I think the decision making process comes down to a few things.

First, a lot of soul searching needs to take place. We need to look within ourselves and see why both choices are appealing. Are they appealing because they are filling a void in ourselves? Or, are they appealing because it fills a void somewhere else or in someone else? Maybe the two fill different needs. Looking inward - although that sounds selfish on the surface, will help us to see what the appeal of the choices are. When we weigh it out, we need to follow the choice that the compass of our being is telling us to.

Next, we need to look at the long term benefits and effects of our decision. Sometimes, both choices are good in the short term, but not always in the long term. Sometimes it is appropriate to go with the option that does the greatest good for the longest amount of time. Sometimes the opposite is true.

Lastly, we need to not be afraid to commit to a choice. If we don't commit to it, it doesn't matter that the choice is good because we won't see the benefit anyway. Wasting time being wishy washy over the decision gets us no where in the long run. We need to choose boldly without regret, moving forward with the decision.

This process is not always a simple thing to do. People, emotions, situations and life make even two good choices a complex decision. Choosing between two goods can be a daunting experience. But, there is a blessing to having to choose between two goods. Even if we do make the wrong good decision we are still ahead in the game.

Goldie Locks and the Three Pairs...Plus a Tattoo

What sort of boundaries do you set for your kids? Are you the type of parent that sets no boundaries and lets them do whatever they want to? Or are you the type of parent that dictates and controls what your child will do? Are you somewhere in the middle?

I think I am somewhere in the middle.

Finding the right boundaries is tough. My goal has been to give my daughters the freedom to express themselves and figure out who they are, yet teach them what they need to know to be a productive member of society. My husband and I give them what we call freedom within boundaries. There are set guidelines until they are 18...and yes, we have had the "When you are 18 you can do whatever you want" discussion many times.

We give them some leeway on things like coloring their hair (at 15 they can as long as it stays in the realm of natural color.) No tattoos before 18, but they can pierce their ears and wear what ever earrings they want...as long as there is only 1 hole in each ear. They are free to find their own style of dress, in what ever genre or mix of genres they want as long as they realize that mom and dad have veto power if it is too revealing. Overall we let them try to figure out who they are and where they fit within their peer groups.

There are things that we have held firm on. We have always expected them to be compassionate to others. We have always expected the to learn from mistakes. We have always expected them to do the things that are of good character such as taking personal responsibility for their actions, to give their best effort, and to honor commitments they have made. Now of course as kids, these things don't always happen - it's hard enough to get this right 100% of the time as an adult let alone as a child. But when they don't get it right, we have let them take the the natural consequences that come along with it, and help them to figure out how to do it differently the next time.

We are not naive....we know that at 18 they still have some self discovery to explore and the boundaries, regardless of where we set them disappear. That is how they create their own identities separate from us. So when our oldest daughter began an onslaught of hair colors (cherry red and black, black with bright pink, platinum blond, and countless others) we knew she was still finding herself. When her ears went from one little diamond in each to 3 or 4, still self discovery. When the tattoo came.....

Bottom line, no matter what anyone thinks of her hair color, her piercing or her tattoo, she is a successful and productive person. She is responsible, honorable, committed, compassionate, dedicated, loving, and faithful. She has become what we hoped for her to be- independent, self motivated, and able to function in the world we live in.

As a parent, I know that the boundaries I set, or don't set, are because I love my kids. I want the best for my kids. I want to shelter them from the things I can shelter them, yet prepare them for the world that they will one day be living in on their own. My duty as a parent is to teach them right from wrong. It is also to teach them to make good decisions, have compassion for others, and to be independent. Regardless of what they are, the boundaries are there to help my children discover and become who they are meant to be.

By the way...her hair adorable. The earrings.... beautiful. The tattoo.... it is of her favorite Psalm - inspirational.

The most wonderful time of the year....

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

When school bells are ringing, and no more kids screaming, "she's standing to near!"....

There'll be school grades a posting... and teenagers boasting and to back to school nights parents go...

Parents yelling to "WAKE UP", kids screaming "I'll make up... that test in the next week or so!"

It's the most wonderful time of the year....





Don't you love the return to school?

I have great memories of September - the month I returned to school each year. My parents would take my two sisters and I to get our new Ticonderoga pencils, new Peechee folders, and of course the new style of Dittos jeans to don on the first day of school - for those of you who don't remember Dittos...they were the jeans with the big horseshoe shaped seam across the butt of the jeans. (Wow...I am really dating myself!)

Along with the new school supplies, there was a return to the normalcy of a routine. Summer vacation was filled with non-scheduled, wake up when you wanted, leisurely days. There was little responsibility and little motivation to get anything done. Days rolled into each other like a continuous weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed summer vacation, but after a while, the lack of structure led to a household of irritable kids. All the free time on my hands lead to lots of boredom - and lots of fighting with my sisters.

But, when September rolled around, that all changed. Just like most other kids, I probably griped and complained about having to get up early and having my afternoons taken up by homework. But, the structure of getting up at a set time, the scheduled days at school, and knowing the daily expectations were a relief. The constant arguing with my sisters decreased (much to my parent's delight) and was usually confined to who got to use the bathroom to get ready. The new school year brought not only an end to the boredom but also a fresh new routine.

Now that I have kids, I still think this is the most wonderful time of the year. I love to take them shopping for their new no. 2 pencils, 5 star notebooks, and the latest new looks of fashion for the season. I am ecstatic when the return to structure comes and the bickering in the household ceases - at least for the hours that they are at school. I am even grateful that our days start off as a bit of a challenge as the kids get up several hours earlier than they did over vacation.

But those reasons aren't the only reasons why I enjoy this time.

With each school year, the kids get a chance at a fresh start. What happened the year before has usually been forgotten over the summer. They have an opportunity to blaze a new trail, take a new path, or make changes to better themselves in some way. With the start of each school year comes new opportunities learn and grow. As a parent, I am responsible to help them see those opportunities.

With some perseverance, a lot of determination, and my encouragement, this can be the most wonderful time of the year for my kids too.

Refiner's Fire

re⋅fine–verb (used with object)

1.	to bring to a fine or a pure state; free from impurities: to refine metal, sugar, or petroleum.

2.	to purify from what is coarse, vulgar, or debasing; make elegant or cultured.

3.	to bring to a finer state or form by purifying.

According to Dictionary.com these are some of the definitions of refine.

There are many things that that we use every day that are refined. If you drive a car, you use refined oil products. Unless you have fasted, you probably eat refined sugar that is in some food almost everyday. If you are wearing any piece of gold...you got it...it has been refined.

I'm not sure of how the oil and sugar are refined, but I do know that gold is refined by fire. Gold is heated up by fire to the melting point. As the gold heats up, the impurities rise to the surface. They are separated from the gold. The more it is heated, the more impurities are pulled out and drained off. What is left behind is cleaned, refined and pure gold. *

Life feels like the refiner's fire sometimes...OK most of the time. Anything that causes us to stretch or grow is like a flicker of the flames. These everyday things bring stuff to the surface and separate it from our old selves and leaves behind something just a bit purer and refined. Learning something new, making a new friend, or stepping out of comfort zones are like the flickers. They are good and part of the process. We generally are ok with this kind of heat in life.

But, there is also the white hot core of the fire and the raging flames of life that truly melt us. These flames break us down, burn us up, and liquefy our souls. They humble, scare, and cause us to question who we are and what our purpose is. They pull out the impurities that keep us from being who we are capable of being, responsible to be, and know we should be. We don't like this kind of heat.

This heat comes in many forms. It may the loss of someone or something. It may be struggles with a spouse or significant other. Perhaps, amid the joy children bring, it is the struggles of raising them and watching them feel the fire of life. It could be it's finances. Maybe it's an internal struggle within one's self. Whatever the source is, this fire is hot and it hurts.

Unfortunately, we have no choice but to walk through the refining fire. It is part of life. It makes us who we are.

As a woman of faith, I know that I will not have completed my walk through the Refiner's Fire in this life. But I also know that the heat I face in life will not leave me in ashes, but will serve to refine me and each day bring me a bit closer to the day that I am pure as gold.


*http://www.e-goldprospecting.com/html/gold_refining.html

Parallel Tales, Perpendicular Perspectives

"You're not in Kansas anymore....."

I have heard that phrase a thousand times. It is a play on a great line from the wonderful story, "The Wizard of Oz." You've probably seen the movie...it is on TV every November at the start of the holiday season.

I thought about the movie when I recently had the pleasure of seeing the play, "Wicked." It was a wonderful story about how the witches in the Emerald City got their titles of Good and Wicked. It paralleled the tale we know so well by showing the lives of those that lived in within the green gates. From the winged primates, the merry citizens we see on that road of gold, the non-human characters in search of miracles from a magical man, and of course the witches, the story is told from a perspective completely different. A perspective that is perpendicular to the tale that most of us grew up knowing. It is a humorous, touching and even a bit scandalous story.

As I watched it, I was struck by how I viewed the characters in a different light than I did when I only knew the original story. Those winged primates really scared me until I found out why they had wings. The magical man seemed like the answer to all problems and strife before I knew his past. The witches...well, we all know the good witch is good and the wicked one is not...or do we?

I looked at the characters through one set of ideals. They were the ideals that were put in front of me and I gladly accepted. Because of the delivery and slant of the story, my opinions and attitudes were shaped to fit the agenda of the author of the story. Once I saw a different viewpoint, my opinions and attitudes were not the same.

For all of you who may be thinking that I am taking this a bit too seriously, let me assure you that I do know these are fictional characters! What I do take seriously though, is how this scenario plays out in the real world.

I know I am guilty of seeing much of the world from one perspective. It has been shaped by the things "my" culture presents. I often fail to see a perspective different from my own. I often am charmed into adopting attitudes because of the charisma and skill of the teller of the story. I often neglect to consider that there is another side of the story. My world will not tell me there are other views unless I take the initiative to seek them out myself. It is up to me to be educated and informed and not blindly accept what the world around me presents.

Knowing another view does not mean that view has to be accepted as right. The additional knowledge may even cement the original views as truth. However, maybe some wickedness lies in denying the fact that there is another view to be considered.