Soar High And Travel Far! Releasing Them Into The World!

Photo Courtesy of technicolor76 on Flickr

I have a distinct childhood memory of tying a note to a helium balloon and letting the balloon fly off into the sky.

Although I could not predict where the balloon would ultimately land, I daydreamed, speculated, and created a story in my mind of just who would find the balloon.  In my mind's eye, they would take the message that I wrote, be moved by it,  do something amazing with it, or at the very least, ask a question about who the sender was.  It was a way to live on and float out into the world.

I have a daughter graduating from high school this evening.  As I thought about and reflected on her time in school and how quickly it went, I was somehow transported back to releasing that balloon. My baby, my sweet daughter is very much like that balloon.

This event in her life and in my life is very much like that launch. From her first day of kindergarten to this day, it has been a journey- at times so long and at times so short.  Each day of that journey - from what she learned in her academic adventures, her social adventures, and in what we  instilled in her, filled her and prepared her to go off into the world - it was what prepared her to rise and fly.

As her dad and I send her off into the world, we are releasing her to fly.  We have attached messages of love, value, and importance to her. She carries messages from us into the world.  More importantly, those messages, if we have done our jobs well, will be ingrained in her, in what she is to the world, and who she is in the world. If we have done our job well, she will always know that she is unconditionally loved, and will carry that love and legacy to the world.  We can only dream of where she will land; the winds of life often carry us in unexpected directions.  Our story of what and who she is in the world will always have a vein of truth, yet, she will form the words and the language her own story.

So on this night of her release into the world and into her future, we wish for her to fly, catching the wind currents, embracing the sun that will shine on her, weathering and being stronger for the storms she will face, and landing in a place that fulfills her own heart.

To our sweet daughter, you are a gift to the world.  Although it is hard to let go of the string and let you go, we will relish in the beauty of your flight. We are proud to call you our legacy.  Soar high sweet baby!

Losing My Marbles

I never really played the game of Marbles. 


But I do remember being fascinated by the gorgeous glass globes and how they changed as they moved, catching the light and spinning around in their glorious colors.  I also remember how they scattered when they hit the surface, like a million little beautiful baubles heading off into the world to bring a bit of joy to every corner they should reach.

In as much pleasure I found in their beauty, I'd find an even bigger measure of frustration in their escape from my control.  Instead of allowing the beauty to be let from my grasp, I'd hold tight to them in my selfishness and thought of losing what was mine, or even more so, feeling the pain of letting what was mine go.  I'd try to contain them, but the more frantically I tried to catch them, the more determined they were to not be confined.

One day I realized something about these marbles.

In as much adoration, energy, thought, wonder, consideration, and fascination I put into the marbles, I was actually afraid of them.  

I was not afraid of the object of the marble itself, but of what it represented to me; of what the value of it actually was; of if it would have meaning to anyone else in the world or would it be a disposed of piece of glass. I was afraid of what the reaction to letting these marbles out into the world would be.  Would the world see me as foolish for having a fascination and dream in something that could be hidden many times over in the palm of a hand? Would the world dispose of me for putting so much passion into the marbles?

In an attempt to protect myself from the fear, as soon as I would let them scatter to see their beauty, I'd frantically try to hide them from the world. Try as I may to keep my collection from being seen by the world, there were always a few that I could not capture. They were out in the world. They were found by someone else, and became their objects of affection. 

These marbles are a lot like the pieces of us.  We believe we have beauty and value to add to the world. We have big ideas and dreams. We are full of ideas and potential. We let it out and watch the beauty spread, but then quickly doubt and reign it back in and hide it away for fear of rejection, fear of judgment, or fear of failure.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as we've been told. It's not what the world thinks of your marbles that matters. What you think -that is what should matter. So why not let them scatter and take their course? Why not let the marbles roll, reflect light, and adorn the world. After all, those marbles we can't catch- pieces of us that we can't pull back in, often become the success and possessions  of others. Things that could have been ours all along, had we just not been afraid. 

What piece of you, idea, or dream are you afraid to let go into the world?  What  piece of your beauty do let go and then pull back? 

Am I Just An Imposter? Odd Loop Thinking!

Why this happens, I don't know.  

I dive head long into a project, feeling like I am in my element. I feel confident in my knowledge. I prepare, I practice, I deliver.  Often, I will even get accolades for effort and a job well done.


Is the job ever perfect? No.

But is it pretty darn good?  Yes, often it is.

I recently gave a presentation on a workshop I am currently writing.  I delivered the content well. I got a lot of good feedback of what was good, and what could be improved upon. Most of the feedback was good, and the goals of the presentation were met and even exceeded.

Then why was it that as soon as I had delivered, I felt a wave of doubt come over me? Why did I suddenly wonder what the heck I was thinking that I could accomplish?  Why did I feel like an imposter?

I did some self assessing and realized that there are certain instances and areas in my life where that thinking comes in.

In my many roles as "Mom", this type of thinking never creeps in. I am confident and comfortable running my household.  I can multitask and juggle a ton of things like a pro.   I don't ever put a meal on the table or comfort one of my children and then ask myself  "What gives you the authority and the know how to do this?"

But when I am in a situation that I know in my head I can do but is outside of what I see as my  "lived  out" expertise and outside of my peers that share the same expertise, often  I do question myself. Even if I KNOW I have the knowledge and experience to be successful in things outside my daily duties, my emotions often sabotage me.  I don't feel like I am in the "fake it till you make it" spot.  I just feel like I am faking it. I feel like an imposter.

I turned to the almighty Google and looked up the phrase "imposter thinking".  I was wondering if I was alone in this thinking.  Apparently not. I was relieved. This is actually something that many feel. Often, it is women that feel this way.

What am I going to do about it?


I have a plan of action to help me combat this false thinking. These are the steps that I am taking to catch my self in this loop thinking.

• Recognize the type of situation that spawns these thoughts. 
• Remind myself of why I AM the right person to be in that action or role  - even if it means making a written list. 
• Know that I have the knowledge and the ability to perform the role. 
• Remember that a standard of  "expert" is performing a role approximately 10,000 times. In reality there are very few true experts. We are all on fairly level ground. 
• Listen to the voices of those around me that are giving me the outside feedback  of why I am capable for that role. 
• Realize that no person could do that role until they DID perform that role. I am no different.
• Even if I feel that way, to continue on until the feeling subsides. I won't let it get the best of me. 

Instead of getting stuck in the "fake it" phase, I am adopting the mantra "Be It To Become It!".  If I get stuck in either part of that mantra, it is a winning place to be. This way I can take a look at myself and say I feel like the person and the role that I am striving to be. 

How about you...Do you ever feel like you are faking it? 

Let Them Eat Cake!!!

Now, I'm no ace of cakes.....but, I can make a pretty pastry if I do say so myself.

I've been making cakes for about 15 years now. It started with a class at an arts and crafts supply store and has become a long lasting hobby. Since my first cake ( a dalmatian cake for my daughter's third birthday) I've crated a litany of cakes. Wedding cakes, birthday cakes, shower cakes, baptism cakes....cakes with flowers, cakes with motorcycles, cakes with cartoon characters, cakes with airplanes, even a cake with a live fish on top.

Most of the time, the cake makes it to party time intact. The center hasn't collapsed, the icing hasn't melted, and the general look of the cake is as I planned. Sometimes there are "ooohs" and "ahhhs" or and occasional "you did that?"

I must also admit, there have been a few disasters, too. When my sister and I joined forces to create the perfect floral wedding cake for our other sister, half of one of the tiers fell off. The Hulk cake that I tried to make for my nephew ended up looking like a big green man in calypso pants. When I made the doll cake that my 5 year old daughter requested, I was horrified when she broke down in tears at the sight of it....o.k. that one wasn't iced yet and all she saw was the bare doll sticking out of a pile of yellow cake.

I have learned something from each of the cakes I have made. Especially the ones I have struggled with. Each one brought its own problems that I have needed to solve. I have been frustrated that my icing is lumpy, irritated that my tools are missing, and just plain fustered enough that I want to toss it out and go store bought!

But in the end, if I have stuck to it, I have something to show for it. Even though the process hasn't gone exactly the way I intended, I usually end up with close to the same results. I find new ways to tackle obstacles and new ways to be resourceful. Each experience is a tool to add to my tool belt for the next cake.

No experience and especially, no failure is ever a wasted effort. Each thing we are challenged by in life is in some way an educational experience. Instead of focusing on where we have messed up, lets focus on the things we have learned through the process.

PS. We saved my sister's cake with the help of my brother-in-law. We didn't tell her till after the ceremony. Had we told her before, well that would have been the topic of a whole other blog!