How Does Your Garden Grow?

When I was a resident in the beautiful state of TX, I could grow anything. For that five years, my garden was beautiful! Anything I planted bloomed, thrived, produced fruit and made my back yard a peaceful haven. I had tulips, crocus, daffodils, butterfly bushes, hydrangeas, sunflowers. I could toss a melon seed in the ground and in a few months I’d have my own vine - peppers galore….you name it, if I put it in the ground it grew.

I have now lived in AZ for almost 7 years. In that time, I have yet to plant a bulb that will bloom a second season, seasonal flowers that will actually last an entire season, or a vegetable plant that actually bears anything edible.

Why! Why! Why!!!!

I love gardening, but have failed miserably. I know it is possible to garden here, I know plenty of people that do. I even know where my problem is with it. The soil and the climate are different here. I just need to adjust to it- maybe adopt a new strategy and plant something different and appreciate it for what it is.

It’s kind of funny how life is a lot like my garden.

There are times when it thrives, produces fruit, flourishes with blooms and possibility, and provides a comfortable and stable environment. The conditions are right for easy existence. The ground is fertile, and provides a healthy and nourishing foundation for growth, happiness and self discovery. There is plenty sunshine to warm the ground where new seeds are sown, and plenty of rain to water them so they can drink and grow. The roots take hold, and before you know it, the garden of life is in full bloom.

Then there are other times in life when there is struggle and drought. Rocky soil and beating sun thwart the efforts to grow. Seedlings my sprout, but the roots are shallow and they soon whither and die. The soil and the climate are different.

It is at these times that we need to change our strategy. Maybe the seeds we are sowing aren’t appropriate to the soil we are in. Perhaps the climate may be fine for a cactus, but not for a fern. We want what we had in our previous garden, but that may not be possible. We therefore must find new ways thrive and grow in ways that are appropriate to the place we are at. And, we must be willing to see the beauty in a garden that looks a little bit different than what we are used to.

When I moved here from TX, a good friend of mine gave me a garden gift that sits in my patch of dirt in my back yard. It says “Bloom Where God Plants You.” It took me a while to get the courage to live that. The climate and soil of life have changed. But, I am beginning to plant new seeds. Those seeds are beginning to grow. Soon they will be a thriving, beautiful garden!

The Heat is On!

Living here in Arizona, we don't get a lot of cold weather. In fact it very rarely gets COLD...more like cool, chilly, sweater weather...

Most of our late Fall through winter is fairly pleasant. But, come late April - THE HEAT IS ON!

Today is April 20th. We are going to be about 98 degrees here in the Valley of the Sun. Tomorrow It should be about 100. Yuck. I am not even going to pretend to be cheery about this. I just don't like the heat. The next three months are going to be brutal (at least in my opinion - ask my husband and I think he'd tell you he loves it, but I think that's just so he can justify leaving the a/c up higher to save money...but that is another blog post....) But, I live in the Arizona desert, so I guess I just have to live with it.

Just like the changing seasons here in the AZ desert, life has changing seasons as well. I'm not talking the physical age seasons as in the May/December romance kind of seasons, I'm talking more about emotional and psychological stuff. You know, those moments when everything is running smoothly and then along comes a major life change like a new baby, a new job, a new home. Or those times when you switch gears from a leisurely existence to a full out busy and frantic constant dash to get things done - moms you understand this one, the mad dash to get all the back to school stuff done, or the frantic, up all night preparations for holidays and special events. Maybe you are running fast and efficiently and something tragic happens - the loss of a job, loss of a friend or the loss of a loved one, and you are now at a sudden stand still and don't know what to do. Those are seasons. And just like the seasons here in the AZ desert, they are inevitable. Hey, we live a life, so I guess we just have to live with, get through it and know that one day the season will change.

Hopefully most of our seasons are pleasant. But since we are human and live in an imperfect world there will be times when the heat is on. The way I see it, there are three things we can do to deal with the fiery heat that some seasons bring.

1. We can run from the fire. We can avoid the heat by walking the other way. Yes, you may not get burned, but you may also miss out on life.

2. We can fan the flames. We can get so lost in the heat that we actually end up fueling the fire and making the heat worse.

3. We can look at the fire, assess the fire, appreciate the fire, and either walk through or put out the fire.

That number 3 option...that's the hardest to do. That one takes self assessment, self reflection, and quite often a long hard look at what is important in life. Sometimes it's tough to see the big picture through the flames. It's awfully difficult to see what there is to appreciate in the scorched landscape left behind. Walking through it or fighting it...those both take a lot of courage. But, it is often the most beneficial option. Through the fire there is growth and refining - something we all need.

So when the heat is on, rest assured that one day cooler temperatures will return. In their wake, they will leave a new perspective, a fertile ground for new growth, and an appreciation for the pleasant seasons in life!

Frugal Financier

How many of you are in charge of some part of your household finances? Maybe you work very hard outside the home and add income into the family budget monthly. Possibly, you have sacrificed a paycheck to become one of the very hard working but unpaid workforce (stay at home mom - or dad as the case may be). Possibly you carry the responsibility of managing all or part of the family monthly budget.

You do have a budget don't you.......

Sorry, that's another blog post.

When we put on our frugal financier hats, we show our kids the value of a dollar. We teach them how to spend wisely, how to make most financial choices based out of need - not want. We show them that money is not an unlimited resource, but a resource that needs to be treated with responsibility and with respect for the hard work that is put into obtaining it.

This is what my frugal financier hat looks like when I am wearing it in front of my girls:

1. We do go shopping. However, the vast majority of the time we spend shopping is when they NEED something. When we go, we have a great time searching clearance racks, closeout stores and yes, even Good Will. It almost becomes a game of who can find the best bargain.

2. At the beginning of the school year, we have a set dollar amount for new clothing for the girls. They each have a certain allotment and are responsible to pick out what they need, but still stay within the budget. If there is any left over, they can pick out what they "want".

3. We eat out on occasion. However, we make most of our meals at home. In fact, we sit down to dinner as a family at our dining room table at least 5 times a week. We have discussed the benefits of cooking at home with the girls - healthier, needed life skills, less expensive than eating out.

4. We live on a written monthly budget and allow certain dollar amounts for certain activities. our children are aware of this budget and understand the concept of budgeting.

Now there are many other ways I wear this hat. There are probably too many to list here. I believe it is important to set a good example for my children when it comes to finances. In this world and this economy, no one can afford to be financially foolish. If I wear this hat often, I hope I teach my girls the financial commonsense they will need to make wise financial decisions when they are older.

I challenge you to think of 4 ways that you wear your frugal financier hat.

creative genius hat

It is 8:30 pm on a Thursday evening.

In a panic, one of my daughters comes to me because the project she is making just isn't working....something about glue, things not sticking, ripples in the paper - it's not clear in the emotion of the moment. The assignment is due tomorrow.

It is too late to go to the arts and crafts store to get new supplies. She is not satisfied with the supplies she has. The advice I am giving is going in one ear and out the other. If you have daughters you understand how that happens when they are in a highly emotional state.

So....out comes creative genius hat.

This hat is not necessarily creative in the sense that it bestows amazing artistic talent.

This hat is creative because it allows me to offer suggestions in a creative way that help her through the drama of the moment. It allows me to guide her in a direction that will help her accomplish her goal, but doing it in a way so that she thinks it is all coming from her own ideas. It helps me make suggestions, offer alternatives and present options that she can choose from to move her from panic to completion.

Now the funny thing about this hat is that I actually have three of them - one for each daughter. It has taken me many years to get the sizing and look of these hats just right - sometimes they still need adjusting. Each daughter responds differently to these hats. If I am wearing the wrong hat for the daughter I am working with, I go from creative genius to creative flop!

"Mom........."

Time to open the hat box - wish me luck!

Nature Lover's Hat

All this beauty in the middle of Southern California.....

Caution....Student Mama Ahead!

"Mom....why is the sky blue?"

"Mom! Fix this!"

"Mom, why does my heart hurt so bad?"

I bet, if you are like me, there are many questions that you had to learn to answer- so many things you had to learn to do.

When I first started out as a young parent, I didn't know much. I had to learn the ins and outs of caring for an infant. I had to learn how to juggle a job, a life, finances, and a new baby all while trying to maintain my sanity as a single parent. (Thanks to all my family for you help in those years!).

As some time went on, I had to learn how to parent a toddler, answer the silly and not so silly questions that a 2 year old asks, still maintain a job and finances, as well as navigating the waters of a new marriage and how to share my parenting with another person. And I still had to learn how to maintain my sanity!

Jump ahead a few years and I was still learning. Two more babies, several moves to several new houses in several states, a new dimension of both parenthood and marriage, brought about a new phase of learning.

At each step of my life as a parent, I had to figure things out. I had to solve problems, face issues, mend messes, discipline behavior, clothe, feed and nurture three other lives besides my own.

Although there are countless parenting books out there, not one of then is written as the manual to YOUR child in YOUR life. Advice abounds from parents, in-laws, friends, siblings, doctors, and yes, even the occasional stranger at the grocery store. But none of those people have spent the intimate time learning about your child that you have.

I have learned that parenting is a constant education. I take bits and pieces of what we hear from others, mix it with our gut feelings, apply my skills and watch for the results. Sometimes I get an "A" on the parenting situation, sometimes a "C" and occasionally, I even get an "F" - and that's OK. As long as I make the "E" for effort, an occasional parental flop is not the end of the world.

The learning as a parent never ends - one of mine is now an adult and I am still learning. As long as I am open to expanding my parental knowledge I'll be fine and my kids will be fine.

Maybe one day I will successfully have earned my degree in parenting. But I have been told that even when they are grown and gone, the I'll still be wearing my parent hat.....

PS. When I went back to school....I learned how to answer the "Why is the sky blue?" question. If your interested in knowing the answer, leave a comment and I'll tell ya!

EXTRA! EXTRA! News Reporter Mom

Wow….I’ve been M-I-A as far as posting about my hats.

Last week, our family dog, Fina was ill. We have had her for 6 years and she is an important member of our family.

We took her to the Vet on a Thursday afternoon. They ran a bunch of tests and sent us on our way. The following Friday night (of course as the kids and the household were closing down for the night) the vet called with the news. Our beautiful dog Fina was diabetic and having complications.

Then, I had to break the news to the girls. It was a long night after that.

The rest of the evening was filled with mad internet searches about canine diabetes and treatment, comforting broken hearts, and the life changes it would mean to all of us, if she was treatable. It also included what would happen if she was not treatable.

As moms, we are generally the bearers of much of the news that needs to be distributed to our families. Whether it is good news or bad news, news of a fun event or even the death of a pet, friend, or loved one, we moms have to find the right words to deliver the news. Even if we don’t deliver the initial message, we have to deal with the emotional ramifications and have to find a way to manage what has transpired.

This is not an easy Job!

We have to find the right words to actually convey the message, but, at the same time, filter our words so that they will be heard and understood by our children - with the least amount of pain. To add to the intricacies of this type of communicating is the fact that each one of our children are different, respond differently to situations, react differently to stress, grief, and conflict, and generally process things differently from one another. Not to mention, we have to manage our own feelings about the news.

There is no sugar coating the donning of this hat. It is not easy one to wear when the news is bad. However, just as with every other hat we wear, it is necessary to complete our wardrobes as moms.

The only advice I can give is when it is time to take this one out of the hatbox is to know your children, be honest with them, but also be aware of the words you are using. If you do, you will wear it effectively until it is time to put it back in its box.

P.S. We are treating Fina’s diabetes and she will hopefully have many more happy years with us.