Stop Super Stuffing Stockings!

Oh how I loved digging through my holiday stocking that hung on our stone fireplace!

My sisters and I each had a particular stone that our stocking hung from. We'd all jump up on the hearth, scramble to our sock, and pull it down, hoping it didn't spill out on top of us. We would scramble off to our own place in the living room with our light green gingham checked and red brick-a-bract adorned, homemade stockings.  We'd sit on the floor and pull out each item from them - admiring each one! Our stockings had oranges, nuts, sugarless gum, socks, lip glosses, hair brushes and accessories, and just a few other miscellaneous toys. Every year, we knew what would be in them, but EVERY year we were so excited to find the treasures that were left for us.

Holiday stockings really add to the fun, but also to the stress and expense of the holidays.  Electronic gadgets, headphones, large gift cards, watches, endless trinkets and toys, sugary treats in the latest animated or superhero theme - all those things that are advertised as stocking essentials, increase the strain on our busyness and a pocketbooks. We feel compelled to super stuff the stockings. For some reason moms think that by buying all of the latest stocking fads and out doing last year's stocking, we are being a better mom. Adding to the stress is that moms know that many of the trinkets in the stocking, no matter how well our intentions were, will be lost, tossed and forgotten.

The Christmas stockings are no measure of how much you love your kids, nor are they a snapshot of your parenting ability. It doesn't have to be an angst filled experience to fill a stocking - but it will be if you fill them with the heart of out-doing last year, instead of the heart of creating lasting memories.

In the rush and bustle of the season, it's already an overwhelming environment. Stockings can be great help in bringing back some calm, tradition and simplicity.  Don't hesitate from stepping back from stocking extravagance. Go back to basic stuffers - oranges, bubble gum, fun socks, a fun new electric toothbrush, New PJs, activity books, a sprinkle in a few of the fun trinkets and candy. (Check the Quick Tip page for more back to basics stocking stuffers). If you think back to your childhood stockings, you probably will remember those things that you received every year - and used.  Your children will remember the same. Those simple treasures hidden in the stocking will bring just as much joy, and create memories and traditions that your children may pass to their families

It's time to take it back to simplicity. Bringing it back to simple can be a wonderful change and stress reducer at this time of year.

Do you have any stocking traditions?
What Do you remember from your own childhood Christmas stocking?

In The Blink Of An Eye

Where does the time go?

I thought it was only yesterday – but I guess I am wrong.  The memories are so clear and the feelings so real.  That day I brought her home – how can that have been 15 years ago?

As I have gotten older, time just seems to fly by. 

When my kids were young – when I was young, time just seemed to tick by so slowly.  The days, at times seemed endless. Running after little ones, doing laundry, and keeping the little ones occupied stretched the minutes, and often my patience to the limit. Tantrums, potty training, battles of the wills, bedtime drama, all left me worn and tired.  And although the days seemed so long, night and sleep never seemed long enough.

I remember the looking for, hoping for, and waiting for the next milestone with such anticipation.  Will she tie her own shoe today? Is today the day she will dress herself?  Is she going to have as much fun at school as I will have in my couple of hours of alone time? Anticipation, waiting, and rejoicing when the times finally came were the norm.  Not because I was anxious to have grown up children, but because I wanted to see them learn and grow.  And let’s be honest, as they grow, the physical demands of motherhood change.   As they hit those milestones, I looked forward to some of my own energy, time and sleep back.

But, now, it moves so quickly.  It was in the blink of an eye, my family grew up.  My little girls have become young women and are beginning to step out into the world as independents.  Each day passes by before I know it and I am one step closer to having grown three adults. 

It is a happy, but also a sad thing for a mom.  I still look with anticipation for the milestones they will hit – driver’s license, turning 18, graduating from college, starting a career.  I look forward to watching them spread their wings and soar, but I also feel the pang of not having them in my grip.  The desire to loosen my hold and the demands it brought are replaced by a desire to hold on and say “don’t go yet!”

Isn’t that the way?  The times we don’t want to end seem to end way too quickly. 

As  I watched my youngest daughter blow out the candles to celebrate her 15^th year of life, I was struck.  My time as the everyday, every action influence is limited.  It will move fast.  It will be gone before I know it, and I will have raised three beautiful and capable women. 

So for now, I will make the most of the time I have with them.  I will cherish every moment, each memory, and each milestone.  I will hope for them, dream for them, love them, and do my best to prepare them.  The days that I had to drag time along behind me have passed.  Now it runs in front of me, outpacing me.  I will hang on to the memories in my heart and mind, for I know that I can’t capture the time and keep it still.  

How about you? Has time passed by in the blink of an eye? How are you cherishing the moments? 

Christmas Eve Confession

I don't like the holidays.


There.... I said it. I don't like the holidays.


Don't get me wrong - I love creating memories for my family.  I cherish the time we spend together.  Our traditions of cookie baking, bingo playing, scalloped potato making, stair stockings, and Christmas PJs warm my heart to no end.  It brings me great joy to see that they are experiencing traditions - some carried on from my family and some we created new, that hopefully they will carry on to their families.  When I hear them talk about the holidays as they are approaching, I know I have done well as the conversation is centered around the fun but also the Faith that is a part of our holiday story.


If everything is so perfect, and I feel that I have done good, then why don't I like the  holidays?


As joyful as it is for me to see my children experiencing Christmas and learning tradition to carry on through the generations, there is also a part of me that experiences great sadness.  There is a part of me that knows that the joy of the season is temporary and will soon come to an end.  Like many moms who make the holiday experience for their families, I give  my all to creating a celebration that my children will remember.  Though I would never change it, I am tired. Like many other moms, I have moved from my family with my spouse and become the matriarch of the holiday. I find myself  "winging" it and hoping I am dong a good job, while at the same time longing for being  under the safety and celebration of my own family back home. As each season passes, I have my joy increased, but my sadness as well. With the passing of each holiday, I know I am one step closer to having my daughters step out and build their own traditions with their own families.


So What do I do about it?


I hang on to the joy.  I hold tight to each memory we are making.  I cherish the fun and laughter. I know that I am passing on Faith and the meaning of Christmas. I know that even though I don't necessarily like the "holidays" I love the moments, the laughter, the smiles, the anticipation.  I remember that each effort put out becomes a part of my legacy.  I find solace that in my old age as I look upon my family, though I may not have liked the holidays, I loved my family enough to be a memory and tradition maker for my dear daughters. I will love being a part of their holiday traditions with their families.


To any of the moms (or dads) reading this that feel the same way, you are not alone. Even if you are tired in the entirety of the holidays, find joy and happiness and love the moments.  Know that you are dong a good work and building memories for your family. They love you and will cherish you for it.


I wish you a Merry Christmas

Memories

I am going to dedicate this post to memories today.

It is a day that, if you lived anywhere in the US, you can probably recall with very vivid memory. I know I can. In fact, I am writing this, sitting in the same restaurant chain where I met a friend to pray with shortly after the attacks happened. I needed her support that day. I feared for my family in New York. I briefly panicked when I couldn’t remember if and where my husband was traveling that week. I remember my daughter coming home from school in tears because her school wouldn’t let me call her to see if her great grandmother in New York was OK. I so clearly remember thinking that life would never be anywhere near normal again. The feelings, the fear, the flow and the events of that day are burned in my memory and probably will be for as long as I have cognitive function……

This memory is extremely powerful. It has changed my perception of a lot of things. Although I have always respected those in public service, I have an even greater appreciation for the sacrifices that public servants make to protect their fellow man. I am much more aware of what is going on in the world, and make a conscious effort to understand those that are different than me. I pay more attention to my surroundings. I look for exit signs and escape routs when I am in public places. Overall, I realize the world is not always a safe place.

But, even though my perceptions have changed, that event and this memory does not define me. It does not change who I am or control me. As much as the horror of that day could have crippled me and the rest of this country, I took strength and shelter in my loved ones, my community, my places of worship, and my faith in this country. I did not let this event or this memory take over my life.

This memory is specific to September 11, 2001. I know that this was a day of unfathomable pain for so many. I can not even imagine what so many others went through, and I would never even think of trying to minimize or deny those people their pain.

But, any memory, whether it be of this day or another memory, does not have to define us. Our memories and experiences will undoubtedly change our perceptions and become a part of our personal stories. But, we do have the ability to use those memories to make a difference in ourselves, in our relationships, or in our communities.

House of Cards

My smallest Baby Hat enjoying a card game with the family....


Usually when you think of a house of cards, you think of a situation that is built on a shaky foundation. It is a situation, event, or lie that is constructed out of flimsy material. At the slightest blow of the wind, shift of the foundation or falling of a card, the entire thing comes crashing down.

Well, this week, I had the opportunity to look at a “house of cards” from a personal standpoint.

While on vacation with my family this week, we were void of any electronic vices…no internet, no video games, no cable TV…none of it. Just the family at a lake, disconnected from virtual entertainment. We were forced to spend time together.

Being the good mother that I am (my own self affirmation…I need to get it someplace!) I planned for the fact that we would have to be engaged in face to face interaction. Although my family are all skillful communicators, the inevitable communication breakdown (nice word for fighting) does happen. So I brought along an intermediary. I employed the aid of a stand between to aid in the exchange of affirmative, positive conversation among my brood - a verbal exchange middleman, if you will. I brought a deck of cards.

The first night of our vacation, we pulled out the cards. Then began a marathon session of a game, full of Skipping, Wild Cards, color switches, and penalty draws. The game went on, and on, and on. We even made our own pity rules than limited the number of cards one had to draw…it was that long. We all began to get irritable and cranky each time the draw deck had to be shuffled. Then, with one final card placement, the game was over.

Oh yeah….Mama won…Woohooo! Sorry, I gloat.

Although the card game seemed to last for ever, and we all started to get a little cranky, we spent time together - quality time. It was the kind of time that we do not spend enough of. Time away from the internet, away from TV, away from distractions. Time building our connection as a family. These cards strengthened our foundation.

As my kids are getting older, the opportunities to spend this kind of time get fewer and fewer. They become more busy and have more responsibilities . They probably want less and less to spend this kind of time with family. But, I hope that by seizing the chances when I can, my children will have happy and cherished memories of this house of cards.

Grandma's Apple Pie

Who doesn't like pie?

At this time of year, bakers descend upon the grocery stores in droves. Each one intent on making their own special version of a family pie recipe. Pie tins, fillings, sugar and the like fly off the shelves more quickly than the store can restock them.

For those that don't bake, they head to frozen isle where the multitude of pie choices can satisfy almost any taste. If frozen pie is not the type of choice, there is always the grocery store bakery.

Still there is another option. Either local bakers or restaurant chains famous for their pie selection provide a "fresh" option for hungry desert eaters. From these pie providers, the choosiest of pie connoisseur can find a whole host of varieties. Pumpkin, banana cream, strawberry, lemon meringue, key lime, cherry, cheesecake - you name it, you can find it.

I can say that I adore pie. I will eat home made, frozen or bakery bought. Almost any flavor will do for me. I'm not that picky. But there is one type of pie that, in my opinion trumps them all. If it is offered in the choices, I will choose it every time. My all-time favorite is my Grandma's apple pie.

I have always been a fan of my Grandma's pie.

From the time I was very little, I can remember her in the kitchen hand peeling little apples that she picked from the tree in her back yard. She was so patient with each apple. It seemed like it took hundreds to fill each pie - they were that small. After she peeled them she mixed just the right amount of sugar, cinnamon and flour in a bowl and then sprinkled it over the apples. She carefully mixed them and set them aside.

Then she went to work on her crust dough. I remember her "cutting" small squares of cold butter in some flour mixed with a little salt, using only two butter knives for her tools. Then she sprinkled, again, just the right amount of ice water over her flour mixture until she had the right consistency to role it out for the crust.

I would watch in amazement as she rolled the dough out, perfectly every time. She was able to move it to her tin, skillfully and slowly - never tearing it. She knew just the right amount of her apple mixture to put in the crust. When it was filled to the brim, she would roll out her top crust, place it over the top and cut four evenly spaced slits on the top. Then she would methodically pinch the top and bottom crust together.

She would bake it just the right amount of time, until it was golden and bubbly. It tasted perfect every time.

Once I became and adult, I asked my Grandma to teach me how to make her pie. I wanted to be able to make a perfect apple pie. I watched expecting to take notes, measurements, apple choices, and cooking times. To my surprise there were none of those. My Grandma explained to me that to make this pie, you just know when it is right.

To me, that is what makes it so special. Each time she made it the recipe was a little bit different than the last time. But each time, it always turned out just right. Just as in everything she did, she didn't need to follow a set recipe to know how to get the job done. She just did it until she knew it was right.

Though I can't duplicate her pie exactly, I have spent a lot of years trying to perfect my version of Grandma's apple pie. Each year, in the fall, I peel my apples and make my mixture of sugar, flour and cinnamon and fill store bought crusts to the brim - I was never able to master the crust so for me, it is store bought.

Every year, my recipe is a little bit different than the year before. But, hopefully, each year, they turn out just right.

Fill in the Blanks

Adjective: Gooey

Noun: Plunger

Part of the Body: Elbow

Liquid:......

Since moving here to Arizona, this is how many of our family dinners end. No, this is not a regional tradition or an activity mandated by some obscure state law. This is not out of observance of any religious activity. Nor is it because we have some strange vocabulary obsession. This is the result of a school book sale.

It all started about six years ago when my daughter brought home the first book order form of the year from school. With great joy and excitement - and fingers covered in pink marker - she handed me the form telling me about all of the things she wanted to buy. Of course there was the requisite princess book circled, as well as the sheet of butterfly stickers and the horse poster. There were kindergarten level computer games and the book "club", the one that sucks you into a trap of an endless cycle of automatic deliveries that is impossible to end and monthly charges on your credit card that are indisputable and the sheer feeling of helplessness that....(sorry, I may be just a bit bitter over this.) And finally a Mad Lib book.

After much consideration, lasting, oh about a second, I narrowed the list down to one. I figured if we ran out of books for her to read, we could visit the library. We didn't need another reason to sit in front of a media device, so the computer game was out. Not an inch of space left on her bedroom wall so ditch the stickers. The poster...nah! The club, oh no, not the club. So the Mad Lib it was.

After dinner on the day it arrived, we began our first linguistic adventure. Our family of five began taking turns shouting out words to fill in the blanks. Our conversation consisted of words like "toilet", "brazier", "tater-tot", and my husband's favorite,"duck". Each of us would hem and haw and try to find words that out-funnied the last person's words. Before I knew it, mixed in with the "port-a-potty", "neon-green" and "buttocks", there were words like "flamboyant", "amoeba" and "curmudgeon" coming out of my kids mouths. People walking in on our post consumption laugh fest would have thought we were crazy. But, we were there, we were communicating and we were happy.

This tradition has held for quite a while and created some pretty funny memories. For me, the memories it has created are watching my girls grow as their words got bigger, watching them laugh and enjoy each other's company, an six years of just spending time with my girls and my husband. What started out as just a book order, has become an incredible source of bonding for us as a family.

What traditions do you have that bring you closer to your loved ones? How do you spend those few moments when the family is together? What memories are you creating for yourself and your family?

Only you can fill in those blanks.....