Barbie and the Great White - A Lesson on Giving

Christmas Eve 1976 - I remember it like it was yesterday...

Grandma had cooked up her amazing Christmas Eve fare with scalloped potatoes and ham, yummy rolls, mincemeat and her eternally famous apple pie.  We were all stuffed to the brim. Grandpa got his annual after dinner headache and had to head upstairs to his room for aspirin and a nap.  All of the grandkids, knowing how these evenings went, huddled at the base of the stairs by Grandma's 1950's style wiry tree with the massive light bulbs and elves sitting in the branches.

Grandma and Grandpa had connections.  Santa made a special trip to their house to pass out their gifts to us.  We waited, not so patiently for him to descend the staircase.  Apparently he used an upstairs window to enter - not the family room chimney.

I took my special place by my uncle's TV chair and waited.  I was at the younger end of the grandkids, so the anticipation built as each one of the older kids got a gift.  The excitement was bubbling up inside. My stomach filled with butterflies. And finally Santa came my way and pulled out a white tissue wrapped gift with a colorful bow.

I took it, only able to imagine what could possibly be in that snowy white paper.  I struggled to untie the bow. Grandma was good at tying ribbons - tightly.  It wouldn't budge.  I needed to try a different strategy. So I tore into the tissue.  Layer after layer - my heart pounding with each.  What could it be?

Finally, my eyes grew big as I got to the last layer.  The grew even bigger when the veil of the gift came off.  My hands shook, my lip began to quiver, and the tears started to fall. With my gift in my hand, I ran to my mother and buried my head in her lap and cried.

Why? Why? What had I done that year? Why would the gift from Santa's bag be a Barbie doll stuffed inside of a rubber Great White Shark?

Mom soothed me and the sobbing slowed down.  But, still I didn't understand.

Later that evening when my mom was helping clean up the mess we had all made, she came across the note that in my rush to open my gift I didn’t see. She read it to me. I remember it saying something like this. 

I don’t know why there are  rubber sharks in all the stores, but I thought it was cute. You enjoy your ocean books so much, I think you'll like him.  I know how much you have always wanted a Barbie too. Enjoy then both.  I love you! Grandma.

Barbie and the Great White taught me lifelong lessons in giving. They taught me about intent, joy and remembrance.

Grandma's intent for giving me these two gifts was pure of heart.  Grandma didn't get out to the movies and rarely watched anything other than the Lawrence Welk show on TV.  She had no clue that people from 7 to 47 were terrified of the ocean and of great white sharks because of the release of Jaws the year before.  She saw that there were "cute" rubber sharks in the stores and knew that I loved the books I had about the ocean. She also knew that I always wanted a Barbie.  She found a lovely one with dark hair - sort of the color of my own, and thought I would like it.  In her quirkiness,  a term of both respect and endearment, she put the two together, one inside the other.  Looking back as I grew older, it made sense.  My grandma was known for giving quirky gifts - our Christmas Eve family Bingo games at her house were legendary.  You never knew what you would get as a prize - it could be a light bulb, a roll of toilet paper, or if you were the one lucky win, the box of Toblerone chocolate.  Barbie and the Great White fit her personality, but also fit the purity of intent in her heart.

I learned lessons in joy. Grandma had spent time with us, interacting with us, watching us, and knowing what we liked.  She, in her Grandma wisdom, knew things that would bring us joy even if we didn't know they could bring us joy.  I loved that Barbie and played with it for the entire next year. Sharky (yes... an original name) was in our house for years.  That big grey razor tooth fish made its way into bathtubs, sinks, and the neighbors pool whenever we'd swim. He was played with, loved, and brought joy.  The shark as a thing ended up bringing great delight, but so did the story.  Grandma knew how to bring me the gift of joy.

That Christmas gift in 1976, Barbie and the Great White, in the history of all my Christmases, is the most remembered gift I have ever received.  Yes, others have come close, but that one will forever be burned in my memory.  I remember where I was when I opened it, the feeling of the rubber shark, the look of the Barbie's hair slightly messed because of my tugging on the wrapping paper.  Every year, I remember the experience, my reaction, my Grandma's note, the joy I got from the gift, and the meaning and heart of giving.

There was a bonus lesson.  When we learn how to give from the heart,  to give in a way that we know will bring the receiver joy, and when we realize that true gifts fill the heart’s desires not the brain’s or egos desires for “stuff”, we have not only grown in giving, but we have learned and grown in the way we receive.  Because when we give in this focus, we learn to receive in it as well.

As you move into this holiday season, remember that true giving lies in the intent, joy and the remembrance that comes from the act of giving, not from the thing that is given.

What is your most remembered gift memory?

Stressful to Simple - Holiday Season Calm

Just about now the last of the Halloween candy is becoming scarce. The kids' pillowcases of chewy, chocolate, sour-sweet gummy treats is just about dry.  And that extra bag of candy you bought... (you know the one; the nutty-chocolatey yummy kind) .... just in case there were more trick-or-treators than you'd expected, is empty.

The sugar crash has begun - just as the "Holiday Season" is beginning.

November brings with it the onset of the season of parties, celebrations, presents, and LOTS of food. It can be a joyous festive time of year.  It's the time to spend time with family and loved ones.   Giving and receiving special gifts and trinkets brings a sweet satisfaction as we see the wide eyed looks of awe on the faces of those who received the "perfect" gift.  It is a magnificent time.

It can also be a stressful one.

In the hustle and bustle of holiday season preparation, the abundant joy just waiting to be claimed is often lost. In our busyness of trying to create the perfect memory for our families and friends, we can lose sight of gift of sharing who we are, where we are.  Buying the right gift, or cooking a 5-Star worthy meal becomes the focus - task centered instead of presence centered.  What is supposed to refresh and restore us through sharing thanks and holiday cheer, can stress us and suck the energy out of us. That is, if we let it.

Stressful to Simple

There are things we can do to reduce the stress. It can involve changing what we do and how we do it. It can also change how we chose to look at things.  (By the way, changing what we do and how we do it, can also change how we look at things - double score! )

Here are some ideas reduce stress by getting back to the simple.

Create a Count-up project that you and your family can participate in. Instead of counting down the days (that focuses on time which translates for us, fewer days to get all we need to do done) create something that adds - a blessings and thanksgiving wreath or tree that reminds us off all that we do have, not the time that we don't have; a daily pocket change jar to be donated on a designated date that coincides with the holidays; or a progressive goal to honor someone such as walking a distance and increasing it each day till a set holiday- a show gratitude for the struggle and hard work done by those around us or those that have gone before. There are any number of things that can be done to remind of the blessings that we have. It's simple. It puts the stress in perspective.   or a - ie Chanukah  jar, holiday chain, thanksgiving tail feathers....

Reduce the time in your kitchen - spend the time in kitchens feeding those less fortunate.  If we have the means and time to purchase and prepare holiday meals and goodies, but our stress over the tasks robs us of joy, then spending time in a kitchen that feeds others just may be a solution.  Serving those that may not otherwise have a holiday meal brings comfort to the others, a sense of purpose to ourselves, and good dose of perspective about the things we stress out at the holidays.  If we have the means to purchase the holiday meal ingredients, there are lots of options for purchasing the prepared family style meal, and spending the time serving others. It's simple, it reduces stress, and it does good for others. (See the giveaway page for more info about prepared meals and a chance to win a gift card!)

Make something from the heart. If it is the stress of finding and buying the perfect gift, revamp your thinking about gift giving.  Each year there are lists created of the "perfect" gift of the season.  Still there is not a guarantee that the person will like the thing.  Instead, give a gift from the heart. A handmade item or unexpected gift catches the attention.  Include a handwritten personal note of why you chose or made that particular gift and instantly, the gift has meaning.  Be sure you are sincere... truly follow your heart, and the stress is replaced with the joy of giving.  It's that simple.

At this time of year, don't focus on doing it all and being it all to everyone all of the time. As much as we'd love to create a Holiday Season straight from the pages of a magazine, realize that the value and the memory isn't in how perfect the things of the holidays are, it is in how precious and blessed each moment of them is.  Move from stressful to simple this Holiday Season!

What is the most stressful thing about the Holiday Season for you?
How do you reduce the stress and find the joy?  

Christmas Eve Confession

I don't like the holidays.


There.... I said it. I don't like the holidays.


Don't get me wrong - I love creating memories for my family.  I cherish the time we spend together.  Our traditions of cookie baking, bingo playing, scalloped potato making, stair stockings, and Christmas PJs warm my heart to no end.  It brings me great joy to see that they are experiencing traditions - some carried on from my family and some we created new, that hopefully they will carry on to their families.  When I hear them talk about the holidays as they are approaching, I know I have done well as the conversation is centered around the fun but also the Faith that is a part of our holiday story.


If everything is so perfect, and I feel that I have done good, then why don't I like the  holidays?


As joyful as it is for me to see my children experiencing Christmas and learning tradition to carry on through the generations, there is also a part of me that experiences great sadness.  There is a part of me that knows that the joy of the season is temporary and will soon come to an end.  Like many moms who make the holiday experience for their families, I give  my all to creating a celebration that my children will remember.  Though I would never change it, I am tired. Like many other moms, I have moved from my family with my spouse and become the matriarch of the holiday. I find myself  "winging" it and hoping I am dong a good job, while at the same time longing for being  under the safety and celebration of my own family back home. As each season passes, I have my joy increased, but my sadness as well. With the passing of each holiday, I know I am one step closer to having my daughters step out and build their own traditions with their own families.


So What do I do about it?


I hang on to the joy.  I hold tight to each memory we are making.  I cherish the fun and laughter. I know that I am passing on Faith and the meaning of Christmas. I know that even though I don't necessarily like the "holidays" I love the moments, the laughter, the smiles, the anticipation.  I remember that each effort put out becomes a part of my legacy.  I find solace that in my old age as I look upon my family, though I may not have liked the holidays, I loved my family enough to be a memory and tradition maker for my dear daughters. I will love being a part of their holiday traditions with their families.


To any of the moms (or dads) reading this that feel the same way, you are not alone. Even if you are tired in the entirety of the holidays, find joy and happiness and love the moments.  Know that you are dong a good work and building memories for your family. They love you and will cherish you for it.


I wish you a Merry Christmas