Fortyness - Walking a Mile in Their Shoes

If you are a mom, you know that no one knows your children better than you do. You have the intimate knowledge of them to know just by looking at their eyes that they have strep throat or a sinus infection. You know from the moment they come out of their rooms in the morning whether they are going to have good days or bad days. You know by their stature when they walk in from school or away from a chat on the computer if they are dealing with friend issues, heartache or disappointment.

I have three beautiful Baby Hats, A,B, and C. They were precious baby girls that are now turning into amazing young women. Am am in awe everyday of who they are and what they are becoming. They will truly make a difference in the world in some way. I couldn't be more proud of them.

Being a woman I have always felt like I had an advantage raising girls. I know that many of the things that they will experience will be the same things that I experienced growing up. Heartbreaks, hormones, homework - I can relate. Friendships, fearing the future, feeling awkward at times - I've been there. Sadness, success, silliness of being a teenager - this mom has lived that too. I understand the intricacies and bonds surrounding growing up with sisters. I know the insecurities, the joys, the quirkiness and challenges of growing from a girl into a woman.

I know my babies intimately. I know their hearts.

However, as well as I know them, I know there is much that I don't know about them. They may not reveal every fear, every joy, every interest, or every concern to me. My desire in my fortyness is to know them even more. I want to know them more to help them navigate the roads that lie ahead of them in life. Even though I have traveled them, their own experiences change the terrain. In order to guide or even walk with them, I want to be familiar with the roadblocks, u-turns and forks that they may have to negotiate.

This year on my birthday, I am giving each of my daughters a gift. I am giving them a pair a canvas tennis shoes in my size and a pack of permanent markers. As a gift to me, I am going to ask them to put on these shoes, all the things that make them who they are - hopes, dreams, fears, disappointments, successes and failures. Whether they choose to simply write words or create pictures to represent, it doesn't matter. This is something for them to express who they are...so I can know them better.

When they are done with these shoes, I hope to be able to be a better mother to them. I hope to be able to understand their hearts even more. I hope to be able to have a deeper connection with them as I put the gifts on my own feet and walk a mile in their shoes.

Fortyness.......

I turned 40 this year.

I didn't really mind it. As my birthday approached, I didn't feel the loom and doom of the age suffocating me. I didn't feel the need to hide my chronological age behind the guise of the everlasting of the 39's. I didn't lament my last day in my 30's. In fact, I remember my last day in my 20's being much more difficult and emotional. 40- I didn't mind it....at least not from the aspect of being old.

As the day I celebrated my 40th year on this earth came and went, I was pleasantly surprised at how well I took it. I had a lovely day with my family and my parents who drove 400 miles to celebrate it with me. I was conscious of how "undifferent" 40 felt from 39. I though to myself, "This 40 thing is a breeze!"

But as the days and weeks of my 40th year passed, a funny thing happened. I uneventfully but steadily descended into fortyness. It wasn't a single event or a single day, but an accumulation of a lifetime of experiences, memories, circumstances and relationships that rattled around deep inside of me and quietly created where I am today - in fortyness.

This fortyness thing makes me look at my world and the things in it a lot differently. It affects how I view, assess, and react to almost every aspect of my life. Kids, work, education, body image, relationships, personal responsibility, parenting, friendships, material stuff, you name it, fortyness changes how it looks.

It's funny how I remember when my parents turned 40....it seemed so.....well....old. Now, not so much. In fact, it doesn't feel old at all. It is liberating, comfortable, and at times, challenging. It is a state of being, not an age that defines us. We define it. Do I mind it? No. Does it cause some change and discomfort, both good and bad? Yes.

Over the next several months, I'll be returning often to and writing through the lens of fortyness. I know I can't be the only person who is in this place. Hopefully you can find something you can connect with and, in these writings, find a place where you can see that you are not alone in your fortyness. As always, I'd love to hear your comments.

On the Hunt...

It's here! It's here!!!

It's that time of year when the stores are overrun by pastel colored stuffed bunnies, plastic eggs, a bagillion different types of candy all donning their spring wrappers, and of course, the classic little yellow marshmallowy .....mmmmmmmmm...Peeps!

It's Easter time again.

Even though my baby hats are all turning into young women, they still look forward to the fun Easter activities they have done since they were little. Easter egg hunts, Easter baskets, new dresses, and dying eggs - there are 18 boiling on my stove as I write this, are still a hallmark of the holiday. They are an expectation and a tradition in my household. The Easter grass, the smell of vinegar in the dye, and the inevitable egg that gets forgotten - this time of year just would not be the same without them.

Of course it is a lot of work for me. It gets tougher to find stuff to stuff in eggs and baskets as they get older. Dying the eggs is far from an unmessy activity. And yes....I will even have to untangle the brushes of my vacuum cleaner every time I run it for the next 6 weeks as it sucks up the grass that made its way from inside the basket to tangled in the carpet. Even though it sometimes feels that they are getting too old for it, that they don't appreciate it, or if they've driven my nuts and I feel like they don't deserve it, I still do it. It's a sacrifice of time and a labor of love. But it is all a small price to pay for something that brings my girls joy. And it in no way compares to the price that was paid for us.

We have fun and partake in all of the fun "Eastery" stuff. We always have. It has brought a lot of pleasure to watch the girls hunt for their eggs hoping to find their heart's desire hidden in each little plastic egg.

But, the central focus has always been the true meaning of Easter. They know that the gift they have been given his far greater than what any egg or basket can hold. It goes far beyond the temporary pleasure of the sweet chocolate bunny in the pretty foil. It is a gift that is everlasting, eternal, and by far, the most precious thing that has ever been given for another.

It is the gift of forgiveness and salvation. On this Easter we will again remember and celebrate the sacrifice and labor of love that Christ gave for us. He gave his life for us, in exchange for our sins. He took the pain for us, as undeserving as we are, so that we would have eternal life in heaven. That is the true gift this Ester.

This Easter, when the hunt for treasures is on, remember that the temporary treasures and pleasures will be hidden in the grass and under the bushes. But to find the eternal one, there is no need to look ant further than the cross.

Pot'O Gold.....

"Your task is not to find a pot of gold, but to help fill this kettle. For some, significance is given by birth, but for most, including you and me, meaningful significance can only be found in service to the other." (Ronald C. Arnett)

On this luck o' the Irish day... many of us may be wishing to find that elusive pot of gold to make everything in our lives better. We think about the proverbial rainbow and the kettle at the end, carefully guarded by the leprechaun, and wish that the pot was ours. Wouldn't it be grand? Riches beyond measure, no need or want for any material thing? For many of us, it seems that the sudden discovery of a fortune would reverse the bad fortune and lead to a life of happiness and comfort......


But would it really?

If you had every "thing" you could possibly want, would it bring you happiness? If you suddenly won a lottery jackpot, and could ONLY spend it on yourself, would that bring you fulfillment? Would you feel more important or like you had more meaning?

The quote by Arnett isn't necessarily referring to financial riches and fulfillment. We are on a quest to find ourselves, find our meaning, and find the significance of our own existence. What this quote is saying, is that if we are only looking to fill up ourselves, we will come up empty. It's sort of like filling a piggy bank that doesn't have the plug in it. No matter how many coins we put in it, when we pick it up to shake it, we hear nothing.

However, when we turn the focus on others, our significance bank starts to fill. With each connection we make with others, each deed we do, each time we acknowledge the humanness of another, each time we at least try to find common ground (putting coins in the other's bank), our bank begins to fill. When we stop focusing on how much we have or want, and focus on what the other needs, we find our significance, our meaning, our contentment.

So today when you find your four leaf clovers to make that wish of finding a pot o' gold, try wishing that same wish for someone else. You'll be amazed at how rich you will feel.

Conversation Hearts

"YOU ROCK"
"SUGAR LIPS"
"YOU FLIRT"
"SOUL MATE"
"I WANT U"
"TOO COOL"
"I'M IN LOVE"

Ah....Conversation hearts.....

Do you remember the credence we put in those in elementary school? Do you remember how scandalous it was when a certain boy gave a certain girl a Valentine with a certain conversation candy heart attached to it?

Ah.....Conversation hearts.....

The chalky, sugary, food dye infused staple of February 14th. They were the heart shaped do-dads that we glued onto doilies, red hearts, and Valentine crafts to bring home to our parents - the favorite February festive craft of the elementary art class teacher.

Ah...conversation hearts......

The little candy "love notes" that try and relay how much our true love...or at least our Valentine of the day...cared for us.

There is no doubt about it, if there were no conversation hearts, Valentine's Day just would not be the same. That little bite-size sweet gesture is such an iconic part of the day that celebrates love - or at least being "in love." Even if you can't stand the the taste of the treat or smirk at the sayings on them that change from generation to generation (OK....TEXT ME is just plain silly to put on a candy heart....), I bet you still have a soft spot in your heart for the high fructose fortified feeling filled hearts that say romance on this special day.

No matter who we are, somewhere deep inside, let's face it, we all want to get a good conversation heart. A pink heart bearing "I LUV U" declarations, a green proclaiming your "SOUL MATE" status, or a white heart exclaiming a passionate "I WANT U", all carry the messages we desire to hear on this special day of romantic celebration. It's human and natural...we all want to feel loved.

I truly appreciate the conversation hearts. I have a bag here on my desk as inspiration (and a snack) as write this. Some of the sayings are trite and maybe even a bit shallow, and some could use some updating. But I still get that ushy gushy feeling when I read the sayings and daydream of my Valentine picking out just the right hearts with the right romantic sayings to give to me.... "I'LL DO THE DISHES"...."DOG"S BEEN FED"..."I'LL DEAL WITH THE KIDS".....

Milestones....

Today is a milestone day. My Baby Hat C turns 13 today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY C! It's official in our house...no more little kids. No more kid's meals at restaurants, no more kids admittance prices to movies, theme parks and museums. No more birthday gifts of barbies and toys; it's on to electronics. No more knocking on the neighbor friend's door to come out and ride bikes - we are on to facebook chats and texting. We have moved on into the world of teens. It is a milestone day.

In fact, this is a milestone year.

All my baby hats are reaching milestone ages this year - 21, 16, 13. How strange it is going to be to know that my oldest baby hat can sit down and have a glass of wine with her father and me if she wanted to. How strange to see my middle baby hat move from foot power to horsepower as a means of getting around. And my youngest baby hat...well, we've already covered that!

When they were younger, I remember not really wanting the time to pass before my eyes, but yet always looking forward to the day when they were a little bit more self sufficient. As a young mom with three kids I got worn out and tired. As much as I enjoyed being a mom (and still do) , the thought of a bit of the load lightening with their increasing independence seemed like it would lift some of the weight that I felt. The small little pebbles of "ableness" - buckling their own car seat belt, tying shoes that actually ended up on the right feet, walking to the bus stop for school, gave me the illusion that my job as mom was getting easier. My back was less tired as a child spent less and less time on my left hip. I had two free arms to get things done. When we reached the milestone of having all three kids in school, my load was light....so I thought.

As they have gotten older and reached more milestones, they weight of motherhood is different. I may not have as many physical demands and they may not be as physically dependent, but the load is still there. My back may not hurt and feel like it's going to break, but sometimes my heart does. Sleepless nights because of a crying baby or chasing away nightmare monsters are replaced with sleepless nights of worry or soothing a sad child who has just experienced a breakup with a boyfriend. The milestones that in many ways lifted the load from my back did just that, but placed them right on my heart.

Milestones are necessary. They are to be celebrated. In most ways they are good. The milestones our children reach are indicators that as parents we are doing our job. But, they aren't always easy.

I am so proud of my baby hats and proud of the milestones that they have reached. I am privileged to be able to share their moments of accomplishment and independence. And as much as it weighs my heart to watch them grow up, it also strengthens it. I guess that's so my heart has the muscles for the rest of life's milestones.....

I'm Still Here!!!!

My postings have been few and far between as of late. I apologize for that and I am working on getting some new material posted on a much more frequent basis. I have not abandoned my blog or vlog. It means too much to me to let it fall by the wayside.

Over the last few months, there has been grief, stress, and busyness. I have lost two loved ones that have been so important in my life. They both played a part in making me who I am. There has been the stress that accompanies raising children - the fighting, the homework, the trials of three teenagers. There has also been busyness with school, work and all the other tasks of existence. Sometimes it gets a bit overwhelming. Unfortunately, my blogging and vlogging hats got crushed under all of my life hats.

But, as I said, I am determined to change that. I realize that blogging and vlogging are things that feed my soul. They re-energize me. They are a creative outlet for me to express myself in print and in words. I hope readers and viewers are interested in what I have to say. But, I realize that some of these words may never be read or heard by another. My purpose is not to simply hear myself speak (or type, or write....not exactly sure how you would phrase this...) but instead is a way for me to express who I am and what I am about. It is freeing. It is liberating. It builds upon the foundation of what makes me....well, me.

So, with that said...I would like to tell all of my current readers, past readers, and future readers that I appreciate your willingness to spend a bit of time on my blog. It is truly a gift when I hear from each one of you.

I am working on some new material to be coming very soon....some fun, some serious, some crafty, some frugal. You name it...I've got a hat that goes for the occasion! Check back soon to for a peek into my hatboxes. It feeds my soul. It just might feed yours too!