When the Other Shoe Drops....

"Waiting for the other shoe to drop..."

What does that phrase mean?

From what I can gather I think it has to do with cause and effect. If you think about it, events, like a pair of shoes, have two parts. Part one (the first shoe) is at actual act. It is a word, an experience, a situation that happens in a particular moment of time. Part two (the other shoe)is the effect, the aftermath, the mess that’s left behind to be cleaned up either by the executor of the act or by those that are affected by the act.

Part two doesn’t always come immediately, in fact it may come hours, days, weeks, years later….that’s why you “wait for the other shoe to drop.”

Events, just like pairs of shoes come in all different shapes, styles and sizes. They can be small and pretty insignificant like a pair of flip flops. The aftermath when the other shoe drops is small, not very painful and doesn’t draw a lot of attention. Events can be a bit larger, like a pair of sneakers. They hurt a bit more when they drop and may leave a scuff on the floor and make a thud, but all in all, the damage is minimal. Then there is the all out heavy weight, steel toe boot kind of event. This one is not only heavy, it is loud, draws attention, damages and leaves a mark on what ever it has hit.

So, what do you do when the “other shoe has dropped?”

Well, the way I see it, you can do one of three things.

1. You can ignore the shoe, step over it, act like it’s not even there. But I warn you, eventually you will trip on it and land flat on your face eye level with that stinky shoe.

2. You can kick the shoe under the bed, the couch, into the closest…where ever you can to simply get it out of your sight. But you always have the constant nag of knowing the shoe is there and will need to be picked up eventually.

3. You can pick up the shoe, find it’s mate, and figure out why it dropped in the first place. Only then can you put on that pair of shoes and use them to walk forward.

None of these choices are easy. They all have consequences associated with them. But I firmly believe that the most productive option is the third one. It is much better to walk around with shod feet than to constantly walk on egg-shells bare footed.

If you are dealing with a dropped shoe…take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. This Mom of Many Hats has picked up a lot of pairs of shoes in her life. Some of the pairs may have gone out of style and don’t get worn that often, but others are the ones that I wear to walk into the future.

Hot Crossed Buns...Don't Get Burned!

If you live in a desert area, you can probably relate to this.....

You're on your way out to run an errand in the middle of a hot summer day. The air is hot and and actually burns your skin as the 117 degree blast hits you in the face as you step outside. You get in your car, knowing that you can make it to where ever it is you need to go because your car that you've had parked in the garage will keep you nice and cool till you arrive at your destination.

As you drive down the road, you can actually see the heat rising from the road. It is an ominous reminder of just how hot the desert summers can be. But still, you don't lament much...at that moment... because you are still in your nice cool car and are headed into a nice office building, grocery store or mall. You know that despite the heat, you can bypass the pain of the blazing temperatures.

You pull into the parking lot of your destination. Then realization hits. The car you've been in will soon be sitting in the hot summer sun, transforming from a vessel of comfort to a blazing hot oven! When you get back into the car to leave, your hot car seat will give new meaning to hot crossed buns. And, unless you want to be branded with the metal of the seat belt buckle, you'd better find a way to keep the car cool.

So, you search and search for a shady parking spot to keep your motorized domain cool. Your eyes scan the parking lot. You see a few spaces shaded by small desert trees, but those that were there before you reaped the benefit of the shade. Just when all hope for finding shade is gone, you see a shopper leaving the building and heading towards a shady spot. You think your parking dilemma is over. Quickly you navigate the lot until you are right behind them. Slowly and stealthily you lurk behind ever so slowly inching your car forward as they approach their vehicle. You take the assertive posture, moving you car to the center of the isle as to not let someone from behind gain the upper hand. You put your blinker on and make definite "don't even think about it" eye contact with every other driver you encounter while on your hunt for some respite from the summer sun. The patron slowly backs out of the space. Without hesitation, your accelerate your car forward and into the newly available spot.

Feeling proud and accomplished at reaching your goal, you look up to admire the canopy of shade that protects you and your backside from the heat. You expect to see a lush, shady, green covering above. What you see is the twiggy, small leafed, sparsely covered branches of a Mesquite tree that are about as effective at shading your car as an umbrella made out of fishnet is at keep you dry in a rain storm.

There is nothing left to do but crack the windows, find the few stray napkins from your last drive through stop to use to cover the steering wheel, and pray that a rogue monsoon will miraculously roll in and minimize the heat.

So...what's the purpose of this summertime parking dramatization?

Sometimes we put ourselves into situations that we know we will get burned in, often times repeatedly. We are willing to take the same risks and apply the same behaviors but expect different results. To avoid getting burned, we often need to re-adjust and take a different approach to life, an approach that keeps us out of the heat.

As a side note.....Ive learned to do most of my summertime errands after the sun has gone down.....

What a Man...What a Mighty Fine Man!

To all my loyal readers, you have probably read about my husband, Mr. Mom of Many Hats.

We have been married for over 17 years now. For the most part, we work very well together. We share similar goals, ideals, values, and outlooks on life. We have done a pretty good job of melding our parenting styles to create a united front and a cohesive plan to raising our children. We have some common interests that we are able so share - hockey, running, healthy lifestyle, among other things. We also have plenty of differences that we both respect and know are essential to our growth not only as individuals, but also as a couple. I think overall, we get a lot of things right.

But like most couples, we have struggled with the whole male/female communication thing. If you read my post Pass the Cheese Please! you probably know about one of our communication breakdowns early in our marriage. Now I must admit that I did not do a wonderful job of communicating a response back to him (my dad made the comment that he knew Mr. Mom of Many Hats was in trouble by the look on my face and the tone in my voice.) And yes.... I did milk it for all I could.

After I posted Pass the Cheese Please! Mr. Mom of Many Hats posted a response that reinforced the reason that I love him so much. Please read Mr. Mom of Many Hats words.....

To my bride: Well written! You have a real talent for relating your experience and perspectives. I'm proud of you.

To everyone else who reads this: I did err when I exclaimed, out loud, my shock at the strange ingredient in the lasagne. It was not fair to my bride. New husbands take note - appreciate the effort even if the results may not be what you expected. While I have since said many stupid things over the last 17 years, I have not repeated that mistake. I must say, though, that I watched my grandmother and my father make lasagne many times and ne'er a cottage cheese container even entered the kitchen! As a matter of fact, if my grandmother had made it that way and I saw cottage cheese go in there, I would not have eaten hers either. I just don't like the stuff. And no, I haven't been spelling lasagne wrong. Check the dictionary, it can end in an 'e' or an 'a'. Just like I suppose it can be made with more than one kind of cheese. I only eat lasagne spelled with an 'e' at the end. I don't like the kind with the 'a' at the end either....

Ti amo!!

I love reading these words. They are witty, honest, and explain his standpoint. In his response, he not only acknowledges where he erred, but he also (rightfully so) defended his viewpoint. He offered sage advice to new husbands and proclaimed his pride in me.

My response back to him is.... What a man....what a mighty fine man!

Do you have a mighty fine man too? Or for that matter, a mighty fine woman? Leave a response and share your story with all of AZ Mom of Many Hat's readers!

Pass the Cheese Please......

When my husband and I were first married, we had an apartment warming party. I cooked lasagna for the entire family. I was so proud to have everyone over to our new domestic haven. I had prepared all day long for the meal and was looking forward to showing off my domestic prowess. I laid out a buffet of food to share with my lasagna as the centerpiece. The table was worthy of a photo to place in an “Our First Home" photot album.

I had prepared the lasagna the way my mom had always cooked it, and similar to the way it was prepared in the prepackaged Italian dinners - the way I had ALWAYS eaten it. As we gathered around the small apartment we blessed the food and began breaking bread together as one big happy family. I lovingly watched my handsome young husband as he enjoyed the meal. I was honored as he took a bite of the lasagna and his eyes got wide. I about burst with pride as I figured my husband was enamored with my cooking. I could see he was about to offer up words of praise….I waited anxiously.

As any blushing bride would, I listened adoringly for his praise. Then, in front of all of his family, my family and all of our friends, my husband exclaimed

“WHAT'S THIS?”

…..and not in the tone that indicated he was pleasantly surprised. It was a tone of disbelief. I, his new bride, had committed an awful sin. I had used cottage cheese, not ricotta, in my lasagna. To my Italian husband and his family, this was practically unforgivable.

For the next 17 years, I endured ridicule as the story was re-told countless times. “Remember the cottage cheese…” , “Can’t be as bad as the cottage cheese incident….,” “Angie, what kind of cheese did you use in this?”

Then, on Christmas day, 2008, I got one of the greatest gifts I could possibly have received. My father-in-law pulled a recipe box out of his cupboard and slowly opened it. As he opened it, he slowly issued me an heartfelt apology. In this box was a recipe from his mother - an amazing woman and the quintessential Italian grandma. The very first ingredient on this recipe for some sort of Italian pie was….you guessed it…..COTTAGE CHEESE!

Finally, after all of those years, the “cottage cheese incident” could no longer be held over my head.

Now did this incident occupy all of my thoughts for all these years? No. Did it stop me from meeting goals and living a happy life? No. But, I have to admit, it felt pretty good to be vindicated!

Why did this vindication feel so good? Why, when I knew the lasagna actually tasted pretty good, did I let this even occupy any space within me? I guess it is because at some level as humans, we all want to fit it. We want to be accepted. We want community with others and acknowledgment. I am no different. I want that too. This little incident at some level, although not a conscious level, made me feel like I didn’t belong, like I was different, like I didn’t fit in with my community. Hearing that I wasn’t the only one who had used the cottage cheese, and then hearing the acknowledgment finally gave me a place within the group.

Is this a MAJOR over analysis of this situation? Yes and no.

To all my family that reads this…it hasn’t bothered me all that much. I have even found a lot of humor in it and I have even broadened my culinary skills because of it. But, I think the general idea is not a really a stretch. We should continually be aware of how we are acknowledging others. As members of this big human family, we have a duty to foster community with others and create an environment of inclusion - even if others do use cottage cheese in their lasagna…..

By the way....my husband has NEVER had that kind of reaction to my cooking again. I guess we both learned some valuable lessons from that lasagna.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

When I was a resident in the beautiful state of TX, I could grow anything. For that five years, my garden was beautiful! Anything I planted bloomed, thrived, produced fruit and made my back yard a peaceful haven. I had tulips, crocus, daffodils, butterfly bushes, hydrangeas, sunflowers. I could toss a melon seed in the ground and in a few months I’d have my own vine - peppers galore….you name it, if I put it in the ground it grew.

I have now lived in AZ for almost 7 years. In that time, I have yet to plant a bulb that will bloom a second season, seasonal flowers that will actually last an entire season, or a vegetable plant that actually bears anything edible.

Why! Why! Why!!!!

I love gardening, but have failed miserably. I know it is possible to garden here, I know plenty of people that do. I even know where my problem is with it. The soil and the climate are different here. I just need to adjust to it- maybe adopt a new strategy and plant something different and appreciate it for what it is.

It’s kind of funny how life is a lot like my garden.

There are times when it thrives, produces fruit, flourishes with blooms and possibility, and provides a comfortable and stable environment. The conditions are right for easy existence. The ground is fertile, and provides a healthy and nourishing foundation for growth, happiness and self discovery. There is plenty sunshine to warm the ground where new seeds are sown, and plenty of rain to water them so they can drink and grow. The roots take hold, and before you know it, the garden of life is in full bloom.

Then there are other times in life when there is struggle and drought. Rocky soil and beating sun thwart the efforts to grow. Seedlings my sprout, but the roots are shallow and they soon whither and die. The soil and the climate are different.

It is at these times that we need to change our strategy. Maybe the seeds we are sowing aren’t appropriate to the soil we are in. Perhaps the climate may be fine for a cactus, but not for a fern. We want what we had in our previous garden, but that may not be possible. We therefore must find new ways thrive and grow in ways that are appropriate to the place we are at. And, we must be willing to see the beauty in a garden that looks a little bit different than what we are used to.

When I moved here from TX, a good friend of mine gave me a garden gift that sits in my patch of dirt in my back yard. It says “Bloom Where God Plants You.” It took me a while to get the courage to live that. The climate and soil of life have changed. But, I am beginning to plant new seeds. Those seeds are beginning to grow. Soon they will be a thriving, beautiful garden!

The Heat is On!

Living here in Arizona, we don't get a lot of cold weather. In fact it very rarely gets COLD...more like cool, chilly, sweater weather...

Most of our late Fall through winter is fairly pleasant. But, come late April - THE HEAT IS ON!

Today is April 20th. We are going to be about 98 degrees here in the Valley of the Sun. Tomorrow It should be about 100. Yuck. I am not even going to pretend to be cheery about this. I just don't like the heat. The next three months are going to be brutal (at least in my opinion - ask my husband and I think he'd tell you he loves it, but I think that's just so he can justify leaving the a/c up higher to save money...but that is another blog post....) But, I live in the Arizona desert, so I guess I just have to live with it.

Just like the changing seasons here in the AZ desert, life has changing seasons as well. I'm not talking the physical age seasons as in the May/December romance kind of seasons, I'm talking more about emotional and psychological stuff. You know, those moments when everything is running smoothly and then along comes a major life change like a new baby, a new job, a new home. Or those times when you switch gears from a leisurely existence to a full out busy and frantic constant dash to get things done - moms you understand this one, the mad dash to get all the back to school stuff done, or the frantic, up all night preparations for holidays and special events. Maybe you are running fast and efficiently and something tragic happens - the loss of a job, loss of a friend or the loss of a loved one, and you are now at a sudden stand still and don't know what to do. Those are seasons. And just like the seasons here in the AZ desert, they are inevitable. Hey, we live a life, so I guess we just have to live with, get through it and know that one day the season will change.

Hopefully most of our seasons are pleasant. But since we are human and live in an imperfect world there will be times when the heat is on. The way I see it, there are three things we can do to deal with the fiery heat that some seasons bring.

1. We can run from the fire. We can avoid the heat by walking the other way. Yes, you may not get burned, but you may also miss out on life.

2. We can fan the flames. We can get so lost in the heat that we actually end up fueling the fire and making the heat worse.

3. We can look at the fire, assess the fire, appreciate the fire, and either walk through or put out the fire.

That number 3 option...that's the hardest to do. That one takes self assessment, self reflection, and quite often a long hard look at what is important in life. Sometimes it's tough to see the big picture through the flames. It's awfully difficult to see what there is to appreciate in the scorched landscape left behind. Walking through it or fighting it...those both take a lot of courage. But, it is often the most beneficial option. Through the fire there is growth and refining - something we all need.

So when the heat is on, rest assured that one day cooler temperatures will return. In their wake, they will leave a new perspective, a fertile ground for new growth, and an appreciation for the pleasant seasons in life!

Frugal Financier

How many of you are in charge of some part of your household finances? Maybe you work very hard outside the home and add income into the family budget monthly. Possibly, you have sacrificed a paycheck to become one of the very hard working but unpaid workforce (stay at home mom - or dad as the case may be). Possibly you carry the responsibility of managing all or part of the family monthly budget.

You do have a budget don't you.......

Sorry, that's another blog post.

When we put on our frugal financier hats, we show our kids the value of a dollar. We teach them how to spend wisely, how to make most financial choices based out of need - not want. We show them that money is not an unlimited resource, but a resource that needs to be treated with responsibility and with respect for the hard work that is put into obtaining it.

This is what my frugal financier hat looks like when I am wearing it in front of my girls:

1. We do go shopping. However, the vast majority of the time we spend shopping is when they NEED something. When we go, we have a great time searching clearance racks, closeout stores and yes, even Good Will. It almost becomes a game of who can find the best bargain.

2. At the beginning of the school year, we have a set dollar amount for new clothing for the girls. They each have a certain allotment and are responsible to pick out what they need, but still stay within the budget. If there is any left over, they can pick out what they "want".

3. We eat out on occasion. However, we make most of our meals at home. In fact, we sit down to dinner as a family at our dining room table at least 5 times a week. We have discussed the benefits of cooking at home with the girls - healthier, needed life skills, less expensive than eating out.

4. We live on a written monthly budget and allow certain dollar amounts for certain activities. our children are aware of this budget and understand the concept of budgeting.

Now there are many other ways I wear this hat. There are probably too many to list here. I believe it is important to set a good example for my children when it comes to finances. In this world and this economy, no one can afford to be financially foolish. If I wear this hat often, I hope I teach my girls the financial commonsense they will need to make wise financial decisions when they are older.

I challenge you to think of 4 ways that you wear your frugal financier hat.