Showing posts with label challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenge. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Sands Of Time - Fall A Little Faster Please!

Life is lived forward, cherished backward, and savored here.

If we are truly honest with ourselves, we can probably all say that there have been moments in our parenting, in our marriages and in our lives in general that we have truly wished would pass quicker than they seem to be moving. In those times we wish we could tap the top of the hourglass, hoping to help the sands of time fall a bit quicker. The moments and hours drag on...

  • Little ones having tantrums.
  • Spouses bickering and snapping at each other as life brings them challenges to overcome. 
  • Elementary school kids and homework battles.
  • Jobs, home responsibilities, family stressors, finances. 
  • Teens and boyfriends/girlfriends, driving, high school drama, driving, graduating and college stress. 
  • Trying to keep our fort... errr... thir... ok... trying to be as healthy and look like we did in our pre-children, pre-life days. 

In those moments that seem to be countless and unending, that seem to defy  how we understand time to move, the moments that we are tired and weary - we wish we could speed the hands of time to the hour that we finally feel content.

Here's the problem...

Happiness is a speedy and lofty prey. We will never catch it if we are chasing it.

Life goes on in a forward moving direction and at a fixed pace. It's the laws of time and space that we have no control over. That forward motion includes stepping through and experiencing each moment, even the tough ones. Wishing for the quick passing of those tougher times, looking and hoping for contentment to come in the next moments, robs ourselves of happiness and wastes our efforts. If we choose not to look for contentment and happiness in the moments we are currently living, we have let a precious gift slip through our hands. A gift that will out run us. We will be left looking behind us, wishing we had savored the moments of joy, the moments of light, and the contentment that were present all along.

In your tough moments today, look around you and find something you can savor. Take off your racing blinders that keep you focused on what happiness the future may hold. You will see that in the here and now, in the midst of challenge, happiness lives if we let it.





Thursday, April 26, 2012

V, V-I, V-I-C-T-O-R-Y... We All Need A Cheerleader Sometimes!


Do you ever wish you had a cheering section behind you when you are attempting something new, trudging on through a tough project or proposal, or are stretching your creativity and considering new ideas? Does encountering a "Devil's Advocate" at every corner wear you out? 



We All Need A Cheerleader

It is our human nature to need acknowledgement and affirmation. It is part of our hierarchy of needs... (thanks Maslow for bringing this to our attention....). According to Maslow, our need to be accepted, gain approval and recognition is smack dab in the middle of our seven levels of needs - needs that range from the basic physiological (food, thirst, sex) to the complex need of self actualization (knowing purpose and potential). Without each level, as persons, we can't move up the hierarchy.

Part of our feeling of approval, acknowledgement, affirmation, and recognition is knowing that someone supports us and believes in what we are doing. In essence, we need a cheerleader. Having someone support our ideas, lift us up, be happy for us and say, "yes! I believe in you!" is a crucial piece to our success, our motivation, and our desire to move on - especially when times get tough.

What Does A Cheerleader Look Like?

No... this type of cheerleader doesn't look like the ones that you are probably associating "cheerleader" with. This person doesn't run around with pom-poms providing half time entertainment at sporting events. The don't scream at the crowds around you and get them riled up and behind your cause or your idea. They don't build pyramids, shout, or do high kicks.

This person is the person that can say "I believe in you and your passion" even if they don't necessarily buy into your idea. They are the person that does not at every turn, play devils advocate and challenge you - at least not at the onset of your ideas. They are the person that when you feel tired and like giving up, they remind you of your passion, how far you have come, and of what you have in you to reach your potential. They are the person, that in your failure, supports you and still believes in you, not the one that says "I told you so."

Do You Have A Cheerleader? Are You A Cheerleader?

Hopefully you have someone in your life that cheers you on and supports you. Are cheerleaders necessary for EVERYTHING we do in life? Certainly not. We don't need a pat on the back because we went to the grocery store or because we got up to go to work this morning. But life is often a tough road. We are community creatures that need the support of community members to stand on that sideline and encourage us to make the play, reach the finish line, or achieve a goal.

Think about how you support others. Think about your own interactions and dealings with others when they are venturing into a new territory, presenting an idea to you, or sharing their passions with you. Do you cheer on or immediately question? Do you believe in someone, even when they fail?

I Challenge You To Do The Two Following Things:

  • Make a mental of physical list of those that have cheered you on in life. Make an attempt to thank those that you can. 
  • Assess yourself and recognize whether you are a cheerleader or a questioner. If you gravitate toward being a questioner, work on how and what you communicate to others. Adopt phrases that are affirming such as "I can see how much passion you have!" or "I can see the potential in your idea." 
Please share your thoughts below in the comments.  Do you prefer to be/be around a cheerleader or do you prefer to be/be around a questioner? 





Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Winds of Change and An Anchor to Drop


How do you handle change? Are you ok with it or does it unsettle you and put you adrift? 


It's funny how as I have gotten older, I am much more OK with change than when I was a younger woman. When I was younger, change threw me for a loop. The thought of moving out of my normal routine shook me. It irritated me. It made me very stressed.  Basically, I was a mess when change was in the air.  I would even prefer to be in a situation that was not rewarding rather than go through the uncertainty of change. 


After a lot of soul searching...
I realized that my aversion to change comes from the piece of me that likes and depends on anchors.  I grew up in one house, in one town, in a community that did not have a lot of turnover in population. Most of my family actually still lives in the same general area. Many of the kids I grew up with and graduated high school with were also my classmates in kindergarten. Many of them are still in same small town. These things all created consistency.  The idea of having some constants in life created a sense of stability for me - it created anchors.  


As the years have passed, and I have been put in situations that required me to move and go through life changes, I am much more OK with the idea of change. In fact, in many ways I welcome it. I realize how much opportunity it can bring and how much growth happens. In the change I learn about myself and expand who I am.


Change was hard...
At first the constant change was very difficult for me.  It left me feeling like I was drifting with no anchors to keep me from floating out to sea - and I am not a water person. As we made each move as my husband climbed the corporate ladder, I felt up-rooted and plopped into a new body of water, trying to find a place to drop anchor.  Many times the water felt too deep.


I let out my line, but held anchor...
But,I learned to let out my anchor and hold to the things that give me stability and the things that will never leave me or let drift aimlessly in the currents.  Even though I am not close in proximity to my family at this time in life, they are still my anchor.  My faith gives me a place to dock and find peace.  My beautiful daughters are the line that can never be cut or too short to hold me fast.  In my willingness to hold fast to my anchors but enjoy the journey in the different waters of life has opened my eyes to how big and how wonderful the world truly is.  It has also allowed and afforded me opportunities and relationships that I never would have experienced had I resisted the winds of change. 


Honestly, I still long for home.  That will never change for me.  But until I can be back, know that I am still anchored, it's just that the anchor line is let out a bit farther for now. 

How do you handle change? Do you feel lost at sea or do you find a place to drop anchor?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Fortyness - Life in the Doldrums

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A doldrums is a still state, a state of non-movement, a state of non-growth, a state of stagnation. Upon the sea it is a treacherous state to be in. It can be the death of a sailor, leaving the boat stranded in the vast ocean as but a stranded speck upon the unending water. The sailor is dependent upon the wind and currents to move the boat - to take it to its destination. The sails can be raised, the rudder can be moved, but without a wind or current, nothing happens but a stirring of the water and the hanging of vast pieces of fabric. Although it takes skill to maneuver the boat among the water, the sailor, with all the ability in the world can go nowhere if there is no energy or force to propel the boat.

This idea of stagnation, of stillness, of being stuck in a state, knowing that there is a destination to reach but a lacking of energy to get there, can apply to people as well. This, to me, captures a lot of what Fortyness is.

In this era we have been propelled by the forces of life. We have reached goals in careers by hard work and choice that have been a catalyst for much of what we do and how we exist. Educational goals have been or are being met. The hard work and time investment in our higher learning cast us into social and academic circles that helped us to understand who we are in that setting. We may have had marriage of family responsibilities that dictated what and who we needed to be, not only by necessity, but also by choice. Who we are has been defined by what roles have occupied the prior years of our life.

But as this era of fortyness settles in, our identity comes into question. A period of redefining begins. This period often times feels without a driving force. It is in many ways like a doldrums.

As our age increases, we see the time we have to truly understand ourselves seems to decrease. We search for meaning in life, in relationships, in work, and in many of the things that used to serve as the fuel of our identity. At the same time, the roles we have depended upon are changing. The frenzy of parenting in many ways slows. There may not be much left of accomplish at work. We have the degree, now what? The forces that helped to move us along suddenly slow, and then stand still. We look for another destination that we know is out there, the destination of our true identity, but we have no movement toward it. We are stuck pondering. We are in a doldrums of life.

So what do we do?

If the sailor were to not continue to raise the sails, he'd not be able to test the wind. If he didn't eventually move the rudder, how would he know it there were any current? If he were to simply give up, he'd surly be lost at sea, never to reach the destination. So he continues on with the motions of sailing, hoping to find the hint of movement. Eventually, the sails catch the wind, and he is on his way again. We need to be like the sailor. We need to continue on, searching, asking and pondering who we are, and going through the motions of life. Eventually we will find a new fuel in our fortyness that will bring us to our destinations of knowing our identity. It may be just a small breeze that our sails catch or a raging storm, but undoubtedly, we will move from the doldrums and back into the currents of understanding who we are.

Friday, June 26, 2009

The Road Less Traveled

My family and I have taken a couple of small vacations this summer already. We have put quite a few miles on the SUV and traversed an array of different roads and scenery on our journeys. Some of the roads have been nicely paved and easy to navigate. Others, well, lets just say they were a bit bumpy, windy, and far less populated.

All of this summer driving left some time for a bit of reflection.

Wouldn't life be a little less complicated if we all had nice paved paths ahead of us to travel?

Traveling through this journey of life is not always easy. It is full of highways, interchanges, traffic jams, one way roads, dead end streets and rush hour road construction. Unexpected road hazards pop up, and suddenly you need to take an alternate route to your destination.

You can stick to familiar roads on this detour and know that it will probably take you to where you need to go. The roads you know like the back of your hand can be traveled with out much thought or effort. You know the scenery and can probably predict the signal patterns and exactly how much time it will take you. The tried and true will get the job done.

Or you can take the road less traveled. You know - the one that you've always wanted to take, been afraid to take, or just not had enough time to take. This road is the one that has blind curves, pot holes and narrow bridges. This one leads into unknown territory, unfamiliar situations, and uncomfortable surroundings.

But for all the discomfort this road less traveled may bring with it, it also brings something else. It bring brings incredible adventure and opportunity. Navigating these roads hones our traveling skills, challenges and strengthens our sense of direction, and opens our eyes to scenery and perspectives that we didn't have before we set out on them. Even if the less traveled road does not get us to our intended destination, what we have learned from the journey will leave us with more knowledge and wisdom when we do finally get to where we are going.

Do you stick to the familiar routes or do you choose the road less traveled?