Fortyness - Springing Clean!

It is March 22, the second day of spring. The weather has been beautiful, the air crisp and clean, and the desert wild flowers are starting to bloom. It's the time of year that gets us thinking about that cleansing and refreshing ritual.... Spring cleaning.

In the next few weeks there will be tons of garage sale signs and donation trucks about the neighborhood as me and my fellow suburbanites shed our homes of a small portion of what is cluttering our personal spaces. Drawers will be gone through, that old couch will finally leave the den, the knickknacks that have collected dust for years will become the treasure of another. Closets will be emptied of those too tight, tool long, or too old pieces of clothing that we have just held on to in hopes that they will fit us again. What a refreshing feeling it will be....

This year, I will partake in the fastidious festivities of spring cleaning. There is no better way to start a new season than to de-clutter the space you are in. However, I am going to be cleaning out more than just the space between the four walls of my home.

In the third spring of my forytness, I am going to be Springing Clean! I am going to de-clutter me! It is time for those things that I have been hesitant to let go of to be tossed out, recycled, or re-purposed. That weighty bag of self doubt - I'm tired of moving it from one corner to another. That coat of worry - it takes too much energy to wear. Those shoes of desire to please everyone at every turn at every moment - it is about two decades out of fashion. And that nagging urge that I must have everything under control - well it's about as annoying as that sports watch in the junk drawer that beeps every 15 minutes. The time has come for these things to go!

In my fortyness, I want to start this season fresh. With a clean space, a clean spirit, a refreshed heart, and a clear space in my self I can a good footing to spring forward.

But first... I've got to find that sports watch in the junk drawer.... it's driving me nuts......

FORTYNESS..... Helium and Stones

Helium and stones...What does this have to do with fortyness?

At this stage of life most of us have had a lot of life experience. Hopefully most of it has been good, but probably some of it has been not so good either. I have heard the "good stuff" referred to emotional currency deposit or filling the tank, and the bad stuff as withdrawals or emptying of the tank. Both the bank and fuel metaphors are fitting, but I look at it a bit differently. I prefer to think of it as helium and stones.

Our daily lives and travel along a plane. When good things happen, we feel good, happy, and uplifted. You know these things - coming home to a kitchen that was cleaned up by the kids without prompting, hitting every green light on the drive home, finding $20 in the pocket of the jeans you wore a month ago - that's helium. The more good, the higher we feel. The good stuff, like helium, rises us above the normalcy we exist in. It sort of makes us feel like we are floating above the plane of our everydayness. When bad things happen we feel weighed down, frustrated, and question ourselves. The struggles, kids fighting, the routineness of a job, even things that we once embraced can begin to weigh on us.

The helium and stones are contradictory to each other. One lifts us up, one pulls us down. Too much helium and we float out of reality in a constant state that can't be maintained. When we eventually fall back to normal, the thud into reality is pretty painful. When we are bogged down with too many stones we are pulled beneath the surface and suffocate. Weighted with stones climbing back up to normal is pretty tough.

With the perspective, we can keep a balance between the lift of the helium and the weight of the stones. When our feet start to lift, we should keep our eye on the ground so we remember that what we are feeling is good, but it is not what we should expect in every moment of life. When the bad happens, we should keep our gaze up to see that the stones will not always encumber us. We need to keep normal, reality, and real life in our sight. We can also change the perspective of what we define as helium and what we define as stones. Of course we will always have things that make us feel like a we are on a hot air balloon ride and things that feel like boulders crushing us. But, some of the small things in life can be a greater lift....if we let them be. Conversely, some of the stuff that seems so big and heavy can be more like a pebble than a stone if we let them be.

As fortyness sets in, I see I have a lot more control over the plane I am floating in than I realize. I can recognize those things that raise me up and those things that weight me down. I have learned when I need to let go of a balloon to keep sight of the ground, and when to empty stones out of my pockets to make my ascent easier. As the perspective of over 40 years of life experience influences how I look at things, I have learned how embrace and manage my helium and stones.

Hat Tricks Creative Hat - Flip Flops!

This is a fun and easy Hat Trick tip to help you wear your creative hat!

Spring is approaching and here in Arizona that means it is the time for flip flops! Why not spruce up your footwear with a bit of sparkle!

Be sure to check out the Hat Tricks Archives for tips and tricks on juggling your hats!

Fortyness - February is NOT for the Faint of Heart

Ah...February...... The month we celebrate love.

All around us we see bow and arrow armed cherubs, red foil hearts, and words of love donning store displays. If we have children we are in a frenzy to help them decorate a vessel with doilies, paper, and just the right amount of stickers to create the perfect valentine receptacle. TV commercials depict star crossed lovers, sitting hand in hand as they profess their love for each other over a plethora of fine chocolates and candle light. Velvet boxes hiding diamond laden treasures, deep red roses by the dozens, and the perfectly crafted romantic greeting card all become a part of what is the ideal picture of love.

I don't know about you, but I have only had one Valentine's Day that fit the ideal - the first one my husband and I celebrated... twenty years ago.

All the things that are put before as the prototype for celebrating love skew what love really is. Sure, it is nice to have those things and experience the commercial "romance" of it all. However, those things are at best, a spark in the flame of love, a manifestation of infatuation, or a socially created expectation of love. In reality those things do not capture the essence of love.

The essence of love the deep and enduring caring, the patience, the protection, the humbleness, the thoughtfulness, the forgiveness, and the willingness to stay by your beloved's side through thick and thin. It is hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and giving to the other, not receiving. Of course when we love, we need love in return, but the essence of love is not self-centered, but other-centered. It is not for those not willing to put in the effort. It is not for the faint of heart.

In my fortyness, I see the celebration of love in everyday actions, not just in this one month of the year. It is not in flowers or candy or gemstones. It is in the moments that I can see and know how much love I experience. It is in the moments when I am unlovable but receive love anyway. It is in the moments that anger thick, but love is the knife that slices it. It is in the unseemingly romantic instances between me and my husband. It is in the deep love I feel for my children.

Sitting at dinner last night with my husband, he made a comment about Valentine's Day and our daughters. He said, "I want my girls to know that as long as I am around, they will always have a date for Valentine's Day." Seeing how big his heart is, and how deep his love runs.... that is romantic. That is a true celebration of love.

Fortyness - In the Thickness of Life

Many of you know that I have returned to school and am working on a communication degree. One of the concepts that is prominent in the scholarly world of communication is the idea of thick descriptions. This idea is that life is understood by the self and others through a myriad of factors...not just the straight forward aspects that are visible. It has to do with context, history, relationships, culture.... there is a lot of thickness to swim through to get to understanding.

I think that this time of life -fortyness, is much like that. It is thick.

By this time we all can probably feel the resistance as we wade through life. We have all probably encountered some bad things. We have had to navigate through trials, loss, and change. Sometimes the outcomes were for the better, and sometimes they were not. Each negative experience impacts how we see, act out and understand the lives we have.

But, this time can feel thick even when things are going well. Even in the great events of life, it may seem like more energy is expended through our emotions and actions. We are so grateful for the good things, yet we "feel" the impact of those great events. We ponder them more, reflect on them more and incorporate them into our view of the world.

Be it negative or positive, each experience increases the viscosity of our daily existence. Our understanding and movement through our fortyness is impacted as each experience alters the context, the history, the relationships and the culture that we exist in. Things that in our twenetyness would seem trite and unimportant, now carry more weight and credibility. Conversely, things that seemed huge in our twenties, are now understood to be simply the life exercises that have given us the stamina to trudge through the thickness of life.

So, what are we to do as we drag ourselves through the resistance of this thickness? Do we look at it as an impediment? Or do we see it as a protective and helpful tension that causes us to slow down and understand life a bit more? In our fortyness, I propose that however we view the thickness, we should not let it weigh us down. Instead, we should understand it as a part of our being in this time of life. Everything that has contributed to it is a part of the narrative that makes us who we are.

Fortyness... I Resolve to Make No Resolutions!

It is that time of year again. The time of year when we reflect on the things we want to change and vow to ourselves that on January 1st we will no longer "be" what ever it is we want to change. It is the time for New Year Resolutions.

What is a resolution anyway? A search on Dictionary.com spits back no less than 12 definitions of resolution. Each one of them implies a set conclusion, a clear cut result or a set in stone opinion, outcome, or frame of mind. There is no room for wavering, veering off course, or change of mind without completely negating the meaning of resolution.

If you are like me, you have probably made hundreds of New Year resolutions by the time you have come into your fortyness. These resolutions have been all over the goal map. There are years that there is a resolution to finally get finances set. Other years it may be a resolution to finally get that dreaded "10" pounds off for good. Still in other years it may be to quit smoking, de-clutter, to call your mother once a week, or to once and for all get all the family photos into albums or scrapbooks.

There are huge intentions, but how often do we really see the huge results?

We start out strong, budgeting, dieting, quitting cold turkey... but somewhere within the first couple of weeks we stray off course. The after holiday sale is just too tempting. The dieting feels good for a couple of weeks after all of the holiday gluttony. And that darn vice - well it just has too strong of a hold.

No need to raise a hand, but how many of you have given up on a resolution as soon as you stray? I know I have...

In my fortyness, I have come to see a resolution as a set up for failure. The word itself implies that you are immediately in the "state" of whatever your goal is. That us just not the way life is. So, in my fortyness I am rebelling against resolutions and instead will focus daily on the personal qualities that will help me reach my goals. In my fortyness, I am resolving to make no resolutions. Instead of a resolution, I will spend the next 365 striving for the tenacity, determination, strength, perseverance, and fortitude that will keep me moving one step at a time, and will lead me to the goals that I wish to accomplish in the coming year.

Hat Tricks - Quick and Easy Gifts, Fabric Flowers!

Here are some fun uses for the flowers in the VLOG. Use them as hat or scarf pins, hair clips, headband embellishments, or even as package toppers. Add your own flair to just about anything. Be creative with how you use them!





















Begin with rough cup 1" to 1.5" fabric circles. Stack circles and pass through back side of circles, through a bead, and out the other side of the circles. Continue until all 7 "petals" are strung.













Thread back through the first petal to close the flower. Pull till the flower is the form you would like it to be. Knot thread From the back, thread through each flower to secure the shape and then pull thread up through the center of the flower.
















Thread a larger bead or button in the center of the flower and knot at the back of the flower. Affix your new creation to a hair clip, a pin, or a headband to complete this quick and easy project!