Dear Daughters...

Dear Daughters...

You have many paths and opportunities before you in life.  You are amazing and beautiful creatures, full of love full of life, and full of the ability to to great things in life.  Your hearts for others and for good are shining beacons in this world.  You are brilliant, you sparkle, and you are dazzling.

The greatest gift you can give yourself is to take the risk, the adventure and the experience of walking those roads independently for a time.  Take the opportunity to show yourself of what YOU are capable of.  This is a gift you will treasure in your life, and it will do you much good.

However, I know that there will probably be a time that you want to share those with someone else.  You will be venturing on a new path and a new experience...finding "the one".  That road can be scary and confusing.  But, from mom to daughter, woman to woman,  I impart this advice to you.

The ONE Will:

• Be passionate about you, not possessive over you.
• Complete your feeling of love, but not you.  He will compliment the completeness of who you already are.
• Court you, even after he has your heart.
• Love you for who you were, who you are, and who you will become - not for who you could be. 
• Not step in to fix things for you without asking, but instead support your foundations, allowing you to make the repairs on your own.
• Know when your need to be heard is more important than his need to speak. 
• Consider your feelings in the decisions he makes.
• Stand up and protect you, yet not shelter to so that you don't experience the world.
• Put you on a pedestal, yet hold the ladder steady for you when you need to climb down and be human and flawed - and he will love that about you.
• Respect your boundaries.
• Not prod your painful spots, but work to be the salve that helps them heal.  
• Not try to change you.
• Know when he needs to be your Knight and when you need to be the one at the reigns calling the shots. 
• Trust, cherish, desire and empower you.
• Be committed to you and want to work through the tough times when they do arise - which should not be often.
• Support you in your efforts and successes.
• Comfort you in your falls. 
• Encourage you to reach for your dreams, and not be jealous or intimidated when you reach them. 
• Be your safe place where you can let your hopes, fears, desires, ideas,wishes, dreams, and frustrations be heard without fear of being judged. 

It takes a bit of time and effort to recognize these things. Many of them take practice to hone and truly live out in a relationship.  But, if you don't see at least a seed, a glimmer, a spark from the beginning, step back and take a look. If they are not there at all or if they are not growing, they may never be what you need.  Don't place your hopes in them appearing "someday" and you being able to grow those seeds or ignite those sparks. They are inherent in the one for you - and in you if you are the one for them.

Relationships take work, but should never be a constant struggle or battle -  especially early on. Don't ever, EVER sell yourself short on what you are worthy of in a relationship.  You were beautifully and wonderfully made. The one will recognize the prize that you are.

One more thing....

He will always open the door for you.

The Reality Of Pink

I dedicate this note to my sweet sister Amy and my three cousins who have battled or are battling Breast Cancer. I also dedicate it to my two aunts in heaven who both battled this disease.

I am spurred to write this as a response to a blog post I saw posted by my sister that talked about how we are "pinked out". The article is a fantastic blog post written by one who is doing their part to raise funds for the prevention, cure, treatment and awareness of breast cancer. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your efforts to that very special and dedicated person.

The "pink" movement has gotten a lot of attention. Just about anyone in the US who saw a pink ribbon would probably have some recognition with it in regards to breast cancer "awareness". It is a good thing that people know that breast cancer exists, and that they should get mammograms and do self checks. But simply being aware of it is not enough. Pink shouldn't just be seen as a pretty ribbon, a cute water bottle, or a trendy bracelet that has caused an uproar. Pink shouldn't just be limited to one month for people to be "aware" of breast cancer. Pink doesn't stand for something that happens to other people. It doesn't stand for a bonding experience you may have with another person on a fund raising walk. It doesn't stand for something that affects a certain sex.

The thinking needs to change. Pink should stand for reality. The reality that this could happen to you.

This is what pink should stand for. It should stand for the scars that women AND men carry on their bodies from surgeries to remove lumps, lymph nodes, and breasts. It should stand for the pink port-a-cath entry point where drugs are injected, that often themselves can have side effects. It should stand for the previously untouched by the sun skin on women and men who have lost or chosen to take control and get rid of the hair on their heads and the rest of their bodies. It should stand for the red, dry, cracked skin that may be a side effect of chemo for some. It should be for the radiation burns that can happen as a result of radiation therapy. It should be for the scars and the pain that the families, friends and loved ones have if they have lost someone to this disease. It should be for tired and hurting feet on the long road to treatment and recovery.

I get that people may read this note and think that I sound angry. I am. I am angry at cancer. But I am also angry at the watered down attitude that people have about this. I was one of those - until it happened to my sister, and three cousins -and untill there was a total of three out of five women in this generation on ONE side of my family with breast cancer.

Instead of a pink pretty ribbon, would a photo of a pink lumpectomy or mastectomy, a pink burn, a pink port, a pink scalp, a face pink from shedding tears, would those things get the attention and make people snap into reality? Instead of the recognition of pink as a breast cancer awareness marketing tool (and I use that in the sense of recognition) when will we snap into reality? Pink isn't a cutesie marketing and fundraising tool. Pink stands for WAKE UP PEOPLE! THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!