There.... I said it. I don't like the holidays.
Don't get me wrong - I love creating memories for my family. I cherish the time we spend together. Our traditions of cookie baking, bingo playing, scalloped potato making, stair stockings, and Christmas PJs warm my heart to no end. It brings me great joy to see that they are experiencing traditions - some carried on from my family and some we created new, that hopefully they will carry on to their families. When I hear them talk about the holidays as they are approaching, I know I have done well as the conversation is centered around the fun but also the Faith that is a part of our holiday story.
If everything is so perfect, and I feel that I have done good, then why don't I like the holidays?
As joyful as it is for me to see my children experiencing Christmas and learning tradition to carry on through the generations, there is also a part of me that experiences great sadness. There is a part of me that knows that the joy of the season is temporary and will soon come to an end. Like many moms who make the holiday experience for their families, I give my all to creating a celebration that my children will remember. Though I would never change it, I am tired. Like many other moms, I have moved from my family with my spouse and become the matriarch of the holiday. I find myself "winging" it and hoping I am dong a good job, while at the same time longing for being under the safety and celebration of my own family back home. As each season passes, I have my joy increased, but my sadness as well. With the passing of each holiday, I know I am one step closer to having my daughters step out and build their own traditions with their own families.
So What do I do about it?
I hang on to the joy. I hold tight to each memory we are making. I cherish the fun and laughter. I know that I am passing on Faith and the meaning of Christmas. I know that even though I don't necessarily like the "holidays" I love the moments, the laughter, the smiles, the anticipation. I remember that each effort put out becomes a part of my legacy. I find solace that in my old age as I look upon my family, though I may not have liked the holidays, I loved my family enough to be a memory and tradition maker for my dear daughters. I will love being a part of their holiday traditions with their families.
To any of the moms (or dads) reading this that feel the same way, you are not alone. Even if you are tired in the entirety of the holidays, find joy and happiness and love the moments. Know that you are dong a good work and building memories for your family. They love you and will cherish you for it.
I wish you a Merry Christmas
