Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mommy & Me

To some of you who are reading this, you’re probably thinking this is about the fun play times that you get to spend with your little ones. Or maybe you’re thinking of the special time that you carve out for just you and your son or daughter – that bonding time on a Mommy date. Maybe you are thinking of snuggling with your tyke reading a favorite story……for the 7000th time – you know, the one that you have memorized and simply recite as you turn the pages.

Well… is not.

Before we became mommies, we were very different people. We were independent, active, athletic, stylish, artistic, career driven. We had time to read, time to have fun, time to relax, and time to create. We could focus on ourselves, fulfill ourselves and do self affirming things without guilt. We had a sense of who “Me” was.

But all of that changed when the little ones were born.

In that amazing, wonderful, miraculous moment that we gained the title of “Mommy,” “Me” went right out the window. Suddenly our lives transformed from an inward focus to an outward focus as our love and responsibility grew. Parties and pedicures turned to panic and poopy diapers. Worry and walking the floor replaced running with friends. Happy hour and cocktails were replaced by hiccupping and colicky babies. As the days with our newfound title passed, little by little, “Me” became a distant existence of the past.


There comes a point when “Me” comes around. She begins as a tagalong to “Mommy”. Then she tugs on “Mommy’s” skirt. Next she crawls up and rides piggy-back. Before you know it, she has your face in her hands, staring you in the eyes saying “pay attention to Me!” (Does this sound familiar?)

Do you recognize her? Do you embrace her or dismiss her? Once “Me” is there, what do you do with her?

In order to keep sanity, Mommy & Me have to find a way to successfully co-exist. Now I am not saying I am perfect, but as an AZ Mom of Many Hats – and mommy to three daughters, 12, 14, and 19, I have gone through the process of losing, finding, and incorporating my roles as mom and as myself.

It took a lot of soul searching, evaluating, and dedication (yes, it is OK to be dedicated to yourself when you are a mom…...) to find who “Me” was. I fought a war with guilt in deciding to embrace her. And it took a plan of action to assimilate my two selves.

Yes, I did change when I became “Mommy.” But the truth is, “Me” never disappeared. She was and is in the heart of “Mommy.” And although the roles will continue to shift throughout my lifetime, Mommy & Me will never part


  1. very precious - flow from the heart. i'm so glad to know you! lylah

  2. A tough lesson to learn. I, too, have a child in college, and three more on their way. I think younger moms have a lot of trouble with this issue. You expressed it very well.


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