Go And Get Your Own Yardstick!

How Do You Measure Up? 

I recently had one of those conversations with my daughter… the kind that just breaks your heart.  As soon as we started the conversation, I was transported back to times when I felt the same way that she was describing.  I could empathize, sympathize and hear my heart crack with each word.This is what she was feeling –

 That She Was Not Good Enough.

She felt like she had to work her tail off, and still not see the results that came to others so easily when they worked at those things.  To her, she did not measure up to what others were doing . That was tough on her.  In her mind, her value and importance was based on achievements that others were accomplishing. She couldn’t see how amazing she truly is because she was measuring by other’s yardsticks.

As her mom I comforted her and let her know how brightly she shines, regardless of what a result was in a particular task. I reminded her that she is an amazingly artistic, creative, and entrepreneurial kid.  She has an uncanny way of figuring out how to get things done. Although she is in the height and throws of teendom, she has a worldly ability that is far beyond her years.  She is brilliant, radiant, and kind hearted.  It’s almost absurd that she can be all these things, yet still feel like she falls short. I could say that is lack of life experience or maturity, but we all know that life experience and age has nothing to do with it.

Admit It-  You’ve Felt This

By a raise of hand, click of a mouse or a share of this post (ok… had to get some shameless promotion in there somewhere) how many of you have felt this way?

I know that more days than not, not being “good enough” pops into my thinking.  Some days it is a hindrance that I can step over, kick to the curb, or sweep under the rug.  Other days it is a full blown obstacle. I get so caught up in the size of other people’s yardsticks that I think mine pales in comparison. “ My job wasn’t as “important” as theirs. I “just” made this contribution, but they made “that” one.  They are more “put together” than I will ever be. “ Whether it is a conscious though or a subconscious feeling, there are days when it is hard to realize the things that my yardstick has measured.

Time to Re-Measure

When we are feeling this way, or when our children are feeling this way, it is vital that we realize that we should never measure ourselves according to what others have done.  Each person is an individual and gifted in different ways.  Even if two people share the same type of strength, so many factors go into how that strength plays out, that how those strengths manifest could be very different. One persons yardstick may have measured a mile, but another’s may have measured 1 yard 1,760 times. Is either one less accomplished than the other? Don’t both show strength and tenacity, even though it showed in different ways?

Get Your Own Yardstick

Next time you are tempted to use your friends, neighbor’s, or society's yardstick – do yourself a favor. Go and get your own.  You will be much happier when you own it, keep it, and see it for what it is - a measure of you from the floor on where you stand.  Not a measure of you from where someone else stands.

What do you think? Do you compare yourself with others to see your own value? What is one area of life in which you need to get your own yardstick? 

It's a Dog's Life

Elsie and Fina stand at my bedroom door. They anxiously await the treat in the pantry, the treat that I give them each morning. They follow me downstairs into the kitchen prancing and voicing their excitement for the yummy morsels they are about to get. They beg, sit, then in a single bite their treats are gone. They stay underfoot as I prepare my morning coffee, hoping that perchance, I will show them mercy and give them one more treat. They stare at me with longing eyes.

Once they realize it is a futile effort, Elsie and Fina move on. They wait at the food dish for a delicious breakfast of kibble - small crunchy bites of canine cuisine. With gusto, they quickly partake of the morning feast. They take a quick drink and then it is on with their morning.

They follow me around the house, hungry for attention. They each find a toy. With expectant postures, they bring them to me. As I take the toys, they both prepare for the fetch. They dart off of as I throw only to quickly return to repeat the game. This continues until they tire.

Elsie and Fina sprawl out on the cool tile in the front entryway, belly to floor, chin resting on their front paws. For a little while, they are content sleeping. But, as soon as they awake, they begin a playful game of chase, each taking turns catching and chewing on the other.

As I prepare to leave for the morning, both of my "girls" watch me exit through the garage door. I know that when I return, they will both be waiting at the same door, smiling in their own animal way, with a warm welcome that only two of man's- or woman's best friend can give.

These sound like pretty nice dogs, don't they?

The thing is, Fina is a 95 pound, 6 year old black Labrador. Elsie is a 5 pound, 5 month old American short haired kitten that baffles me every time I look at her.

Now, I am not trying to offend cat lovers. Nor am I trying to pigeon hole all cats. But, I must admit that in general cats turn me off. They can be be sort of snooty, stand-offish....arrogant. They seem to own us, not us them.

But not Elsie. She baffles me because she acts like a dog. I expect her to be one thing, but she acts like another. She doesn't fit the mold that I have made for her. She marches to the beat of her own drum....or at least Fina's drum.

I think that as people, we expect certain things of others as well as ourselves. When others don't measure up to what we think they should be, we are disappointed. When we don't live up to what others think we should live up to, we are disappointed in ourselves.

Now of course there are certain things that we must do in the roles and responsibilities that we have been given in life. However, I believe that there is courage, beauty and wisdom to be gained by accepting that we don't have to be what everyone, including ourselves, thinks we should be. By challenging expectations, we learn about ourselves. We figure out who we are at our core - what truly makes us tick. By challenging expectations, we find out who we are....just for ourselves.

What can you do today that doesn't fit the "mold" of who you are?

Post a response, share an e-mail or tell a friend what you have discovered about yourself.

P.S. By breaking my mold, I have discovered that I am much more extroverted and edgy than I, or others thought I was. There's more, but maybe I'll reveal it in another blog!