Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Am I Just An Imposter? Odd Loop Thinking!

Why this happens, I don't know.  

I dive head long into a project, feeling like I am in my element. I feel confident in my knowledge. I prepare, I practice, I deliver.  Often, I will even get accolades for effort and a job well done.

Is the job ever perfect? No.

But is it pretty darn good?  Yes, often it is.

I recently gave a presentation on a workshop I am currently writing.  I delivered the content well. I got a lot of good feedback of what was good, and what could be improved upon. Most of the feedback was good, and the goals of the presentation were met and even exceeded.

Then why was it that as soon as I had delivered, I felt a wave of doubt come over me? Why did I suddenly wonder what the heck I was thinking that I could accomplish?  Why did I feel like an imposter?

I did some self assessing and realized that there are certain instances and areas in my life where that thinking comes in.

In my many roles as "Mom", this type of thinking never creeps in. I am confident and comfortable running my household.  I can multitask and juggle a ton of things like a pro.   I don't ever put a meal on the table or comfort one of my children and then ask myself  "What gives you the authority and the know how to do this?"

But when I am in a situation that I know in my head I can do but is outside of what I see as my  "lived  out" expertise and outside of my peers that share the same expertise, often  I do question myself. Even if I KNOW I have the knowledge and experience to be successful in things outside my daily duties, my emotions often sabotage me.  I don't feel like I am in the "fake it till you make it" spot.  I just feel like I am faking it. I feel like an imposter.

I turned to the almighty Google and looked up the phrase "imposter thinking".  I was wondering if I was alone in this thinking.  Apparently not. I was relieved. This is actually something that many feel. Often, it is women that feel this way.

What am I going to do about it?

I have a plan of action to help me combat this false thinking. These are the steps that I am taking to catch my self in this loop thinking.

  • Recognize the type of situation that spawns these thoughts. 
  • Remind myself of why I AM the right person to be in that action or role  - even if it means making a written list. 
  • Know that I have the knowledge and the ability to perform the role. 
  • Remember that a standard of  "expert" is performing a role approximately 10,000 times. In reality there are very few true experts. We are all on fairly level ground. 
  • Listen to the voices of those around me that are giving me the outside feedback  of why I am capable for that role. 
  • Realize that no person could do that role until they DID perform that role. I am no different.
  • Even if I feel that way, to continue on until the feeling subsides. I won't let it get the best of me. 
Instead of getting stuck in the "fake it" phase, I am adopting the mantra "Be It To Become It!".  If I get stuck in either part of that mantra, it is a winning place to be. This way I can take a look at myself and say I feel like the person and the role that I am striving to be. 

How about you...Do you ever feel like you are faking it? 

1 comment:

  1. Most of the time. Not in my teaching or mothering, but in a lot of my social interactions. And I felt that way for years when I first started teaching.....it is what we do.


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